This first story is from an old post, but I thought it bears repeating:
We went to an upscale Beverly Hills restaurant to celebrate my son-in-law’s birthday. An older gentleman (maybe 80-85) was having dinner with his wife. He was wearing a visor & his thick salt & pepper hair, about 2” long, was sticking up behind the visor. There was a party of 12 at the table next to him. The people at the 2 tables were apparently chatting back & forth, because at one point the older man smiled at them, rose & tipped his visor to one of the ladies in a gentlemanly manner. I couldn’t believe what I saw. The hair, which was not his, but a part of the visor, came off! It was part of a baseball cap, with the hair sewn on top so it would look realistic. He then put it back on his shiny bald head. With his hair intact, he sat down & resumed eating. It’s a good thing I was drinking club soda & not red wine. Everyone within spitting distance would have been wearing merlot.
This is a video of the visor:
This letter was sent to the School Principal's office after the school had sponsored a luncheon for seniors. An elderly lady received a new radio at the lunch as a door raffle prize and was writing to say thank you.
Dear Lions Bay School,
God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent Senior Citizens luncheon. I am 87 years old and live at the West Vancouver Home for the Aged. All of my family has passed away so I am all alone. I want to thank you for the kindness you have shown to a forgotten old lady.
My roommate is 95 and has always had her own radio; but, she would never let me listen to it. She said it belonged to her long dead husband, and understandably, wanted to keep it safe.
The other day her radio fell off the nightstand and broke into a dozen pieces. It was awful and she was in tears. She asked if she could listen to mine, and I was overjoyed that I could tell her to fuck off.
Thank you for that wonderful opportunity.
God bless you all.
The next two are from Cranky Old Man--thanks, Joe!!:
A lawyer and a senior citizen are sitting next to each other on a long flight.
The lawyer is thinking that seniors are so dumb that he could get one over on them easily.
So, the lawyer asks if the senior would like to play a fun game.
The senior is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks.
The lawyer persists, saying that the game is a lot of fun...."I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only $5.00. Then you ask me one, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00," he says.
This catches the senior's attention and, to keep the lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the game.
The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the Earth to the Moon?"
The senior doesn't say a word, but reaches into his pocket, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.
Now, it's the senior's turn. He asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?"
The lawyer uses his laptop to search all references he can find on the Net.
He sends E-mails to all the smart friends he knows; all to no avail. After an hour of searching, he finally gives up..
He wakes the senior and hands him $500.00. The senior pockets the $500.00 and goes right back to sleep.
The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer. He wakes the senior up and asks, "Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?"
The senior reaches into his pocket, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.
Misplaced my glasses...
Yesterday my daughter e-mailed me again asking why I didn't do something useful with my time. Like sitting around the pool and drinking wine is not a good thing.
Talking about my "doing something useful" seems to be her favorite topic of conversation.
She was "only thinking of me" and suggested I go down to the senior center and hang out with the guys. I did this and when I got home last night I decided to teach her a lesson about staying out of my business.
I e-mailed her and told her that I had joined a parachute club.
She replied, "Are you nuts? You are about 72 years old, and now you're going to start jumping out of airplanes?" I told her that I even got a membership card and e-mailed a copy to her.
She immediately telephoned me, "Good grief, where are your glasses! This is a membership to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club."
"Oh man, I'm in trouble again; I really don't know what to do now... I signed up for five jumps a week." The line went quiet and her friend picked up the phone and said that she had fainted.
Life as a senior citizen is not getting any easier but sometimes it can be fun.
A woman decides to have a facelift for her birthday. She spends $15,000 and feels pretty good about the results. After the bruises heal, she stops at a newsstand to buy a paper. Before leaving, she asks the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?" "About 32," the clerk replies. "I turned 47 yesterday," the woman says happily, and then moves to her next stop.
A little while later she goes into McDonald's and, upon getting her order, asks the counter girl the same question. She replies, "I'd guess about 29." The woman replies, "Nope, I turned 47 yesterday!" Now she is feeling really good about herself.
They waited in silence on the empty street until curiosity got the best of the woman and she finally says, "What the heck, go ahead." The old man slips both hands up her shirt, under her bra, and begins to feel around. After a couple of minutes she says, "OK already: how old am I?"
He removes his hands and says, "You are 47 years and one day old."
"That is amazing!" the stunned the woman says. "How did you know?"
The old man replies, "I was behind you in line at McDonald's."
I'm 79 & my husband is 81. We went to a restaurant & were told the wait for a table would be approximately 45 minutes. If I told the maitre d' our ages & said we may not live that long, do you think we'd have been seated immediately?
This [LINK] seems to fit in here!!
Another old lady strikes back: