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Tuesday, December 30, 2014

THE AMAZING ART OF BODY ART

This is a tattoo.  Although clever, it is not what I mean!!


I'm not a big fan of tattoos, especially on women, but I do love me some body painting!!  There is currently a TV series called "Skin Wars" where body artists paint directly on models, who are generally naked. 

Look carefully at these three pictures.
There is a person standing in front of the shelves in each of them!!





The artists are assigned specific challenges.
They may be asked to "dress them":


Do an abstract painting:

Or turn them into something else entirely:

All photos above from "Skin Wars" (I think).


I've just discovered an even more amazing form of body painting, done by a woman who was born to Chinese parents on Japan.  Her name is 
Hikaru Cho. This is what yahoo.com says about her:

She works on art she says is short-lived but intended to reveal a new way to look at the human form.
"As soon as I finish, the work starts deteriorating as it begins to dry," said Cho as she painted a hatch on a shaved head that reveals iron bars behind which a tortured figure languishes, desperate to escape.

The intense realism of the painting, part of Tokyo Designers' Week, would last only hours, destined to be washed off as soon as the canvas took a shower.
"I think of an illusion in three dimensions," she said. "I take in an element of trickery to make things appear hollowed out or to seem as if something is emerging."
The head painting -- as much a performance as a picture -- is someone literally "imprisoned by their thoughts", she said.
"This is something totally impossible in real life. I want viewers of my art to question what they usually think is normal," she said.
Her work, which can take up to seven hours, has previously included a huge zipper on a woman's back that is coming open to show the inner workings.
Cho's ultimate ambition is to paint an entire -- and naked -- body.
"Seventy percent of a human body is made of water, they say. I want to make that visible," she said.
Here are some examples of her work:











These women paint on themselves.

For you tattoo aficionados, some cartoons:









I just found this--it goes with my comment to Rick (below):



When I was in my 20's I had a rose tattooed on my breast; it's now long stemmed----fishducky

 









   








Monday, December 29, 2014

HOW'S YOUR CAREER GOING?

Me--hard at work:


International symbol for marriage:


(A reworked post from July, 2012.)

I have an easy job.  I'm off Monday through Friday & I don't work weekends.  I must be doing a good job, because I just got a raise!!  You might be able to find a position like this--just check the want ads under "Jewish American Princess wanted".  (Warning: You may have to sleep with your boss!!) 

Being married to Bud is the ideal job for me.  I don’t like pressure.   Take the unnecessary pressure of having to get dressed every morning, whether or not you’re going anywhere.  My husband came up with an easy solution for himself.  He doesn’t.    He simply puts on a polo shirt--& there he is, in tighty-whities & polo shirt.  It used to bother me, & then I thought—why not try it?  At first, I would stay in my pajamas until 10:00 am, when I felt I had to dress.  Then my deadline went to noon, & then 2:00,   & then 4:00 when I realized I was putting too much pressure on myself.  I didn’t need this stinking pressure!!  Now I quite often stay in my pajamas all day.

I used to work outside the house.  Bud was in the Army & stationed at Fort Ord when we were married.  I got a job as a dental assistant on the post.  My boss was Dr. Joe Stewart, who was from Anniston, Alabama.  Languages & accents are fun for me.  I tend to “parrot” them without realizing it.  Bud told me that I was beginning to speak with a southern accent.    I told Dr. Stewart what Bud had said & he responded, “So what?   Why’s he complainin’?  Y’all talkin’ right fo’ the first time in yo’ life!!”

A little more on Dr. Stewart: He used to do dental work under general anesthesia on Wednesday mornings.  One day he asked me if I’d like to watch.  I told him I would.  I got scrubbed & gowned, went in & stood a few feet from the table as he started to work.  He told me I couldn’t see well enough from there & that I should move closer.  I did.  He said that I still wasn’t close enough.  I moved again.  Not close enough. I moved again & by this time I was right next to the patient’s head.  Dr. Stewart said that if I was going to stand that close I might as well help & slapped a suction hose into my hand.  I assisted him in surgery from that Wednesday on.

I wasn’t planning on writing this much about Dr. Stewart, but I just remembered this:  Almost all of our patients were children.  Their parents could be with them while we worked if they wanted.  When he was about to start, he would usually say, “Open your mouth & let’s take a peek.”  Usually.  One time, however, with the mother there, he slipped.  What came out was, “Open your mouth & let’s take a leak.”  It broke the two of us up—mommy didn’t hear it. 

Bud has been retired from his successful law practice for many years now.  One of his first clients was a woman who was accused of shoplifting.  Her defense was that while she was walking past the meat counter in a supermarket, some lamb chops jumped into her purse.  With much difficulty (& the surveillance photos), he finally convinced her to plead guilty.  He also had a client who (allegedly) wrote a series of bad checks.  He got her off, but he wasn’t stupid.  He insisted she pay him in cash!!

When our oldest son, Matt, was first married he was the Assistant Travel Director for the San Francisco Giants baseball team.  He had to go to all the games, both home & away, & his new bride missed him when he was gone.  His mind works like mine (I’m sorry, Matt) & he came up with a solution.  They should get a large dog, like a boxer.  He figured that the dog could lay on the couch & sleep, snore & drool--with one paw on the remote.  That way, she’d never know he was gone!!

My mother-in-law graduated high school at 15, went to college & law school--& had to wait to take the bar exam because she wasn’t yet 21.  There weren’t very many openings for female attorneys in those days, so she decided to take the civil service exam so she could get a job as a court clerk.  The exam consisted of many, many questions—most of them having no bearing on her prospective job.  She was not prone to sarcasm, but I guess she had had enough when she got to the question: “If the distance from the earth to the moon is approximately 1,256,640,000 feet & a ball of string has 750 feet of string, how many balls of string would it take to reach from the earth to the moon?”  Her answer was “Balls & balls & balls--& that goes for the rest of your damn questions, too!!”  I guess she was right.  She got the job. 

My father-in-law was a musician.  He used to be the leader of the house orchestra at the Saltair Hotel in Salt Lake City.  The hotel had a publicity photo made with his picture—handsome devil that he was, in his tux--& the words, “Ladies!  Get a free autographed picture of Phil F------!!”  Matt, who was about 10 or 12, was visiting his grandfather with a friend.  Phil showed the boys the picture & they said, “Big deal!  A free picture of Grandpa Phil!”  He smiled his devilish smile & said, “I wasn’t always Grandpa Phil!”  He was quite the dude.  He liked to wear a grey pinstripe suit, white shirt with French cuffs, a silk tie--& red socks.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A boss's perspective on a day off:


So, you want the day off? Let's take a look at what you are asking for.

There are 365 days per year available for work. There are 52 weeks a year in which you already get 2 days off per week, leaving 261 days available for work. Since you spend 16 hours each day away from work, you have used up 170 days, leaving 91 days available.

You spend 30 minutes a day on a coffee break. That accounts for 23 days each year, leaving only 68 days available.

With one Hour for lunch period each day you use up another 46 days, leaving only 22 days available to work. You normally spend 2 days a year for sick leave. This leaves you only 20 days available for work. We are off for 5 holidays per year, so your available working time is down to 15 days.

We generously give you 2 weeks off for vacation per year.

This only leaves 1 day available for work.

And I'll be damned if you're going to take that day off!
ArcaMax


If you need flexible hours
you can apply here:

















If I don't sign off now I'll have to put in for overtime----fishducky

 




Friday, December 26, 2014

WHAT KIND OF NOISE ANNOYS AN OYSTER?


Have you ever gotten exasperated irked piqued displeased put out chagrined nettled in a bad mood in a temper teed off ticked off bent out of shape irritated cross angry vexed sore pissed off a little annoyed?  You're not alone!!

Bud & I had taken the kids to Universal Studios.  We were early & waiting in line for the gates to open.  A young couple crowded into line in front of us.  They were alone & not connecting with anyone who was already in the line.  I guess I didn't have too much patience that day, because I found myself saying, in a very loud voice, "May I have everyone's attention, please. These people (& I pointed them out) are obviously more important than we are & are in a big hurry because they cut into the line instead of waiting at the end.  Would everyone just ignore fairness & common courtesy & let them ahead of you, please?"  They left.  I'm never sure what's going to come out of my mouth, but I'm glad that did!!

Do you ever get tired of telemarketers calling & yet you’re too polite to just hang up?  Me, too.  I think I got even some time ago when I was very busy & someone called me with an offer for pre-need funerals.  “I told him, “I’m so sorry—I wish you had called last week.  I died yesterday!”

One of my Blogger friends, the Chubby Chatterbox, posted this comment on Cranky Old Man's post about telemarketers:


I used to be on a "no call" list but now the solicitation calls come fast and furious. The only satisfaction I get is when someone calls to sell me something I ask them to wait so I can go fetch my credit card. Then I go watch Wheel of Fortune. It tickles me to wonder how long they stay on the line. Mrs. C. tells me this is a wicked thing to do and these folks are just trying to make a living. I tell her there are other, better, ways to do that.


This guy did even better with his telemarketer:


For an interesting way someone else handled a telemarketer
click here.




Does your significant other ever drive you up the wall?



Some other things that annoy me:

Labels that don't peel off:

When you think you've found a parking space but you haven't:


 The guy who thinks he owns the parking lot:

 This--in a public restroom:

Butter that's stronger than bread:

Maybe this knife would help:


 An eraser that doesn't:



Apparently, even the Christ of the Andes statue can be annoyed:
click here


This knock knock joke fits in well here:

Annoyer: Knock, knock.

Annoyee: Who's there?

Annoyer: Interrupting cow. 

Annoyee: Interru...

Annoyer: Mooo!!


The most annoying joke of all time:
Annoyer: Knock-knock.
Annoyee: Who's there?
Annoyer: Banana.
Annoyee: Banana who?
Annoyer: Knock-knock.
Annoyee: Who's there?
Annoyer: Banana.
Annoyee: Banana who?
Annoyer: Knock-knock.
Annoyee: Who's there?
Annoyer: Orange.
Annoyee: Orange who?
Annoyer: Orange you glad I didn't say banana?


Ever try to sleep late with a cat around to annoy you?














Reply to everything someone says with "That's what YOU think!!"----fishducky