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Friday, January 10, 2014

RANDOMLY IS APPARENTLY THE WAY MY BRAIN WORKS*

* Although my lawyer husband might say, "Objection!  Assuming a fact not in evidence." 




First, let me attempt to collect my thoughts:













A Charlotte, North Carolina man, having purchased a case of rare, very expensive cigars, insured them against .... get this .... fire. Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of fabulous cigars, and having yet to make a single premium payment on the policy, the man filed a claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the man stated that he had lost the cigars in "a series of small fires." The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason that the man had consumed the cigars in a normal fashion. 

The man sued ... and won!! In delivering his ruling, the judge stated that since the man held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable, and also guaranteed that it would insure the cigars against fire, without defining what it considered to be "unacceptable fire," it was obligated to compensate the insured for his loss. Rather than endure a lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the judge's ruling and paid the man $15,000 for the rare cigars he lost in "the fires." 

After the man cashed his check, however, the insurance company had him arrested... on 24 counts of arson! With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used as evidence against him, the man was convicted of intentionally burning the rare cigars and sentenced to 24 consecutive one year terms.
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A friend of ours wanted us to try some new bread he had discovered that he thought was wonderful.  We declined, explaining to him that we were on a very strict diet.  He insisted it would be fine--in fact, he said, "This bread is made with absolutely no ingredients!!"
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One day, when Bud was "in the mood", he approached me.  I was very busy & asked him if it would take long.  His reply: "Not now!!"
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Did you know that a crocodile can't stick out his tongue?
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A woman decided to have her portrait painted. She told the artist, "Paint me with diamond rings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets, a ruby broach, and a gold Rolex."

"But you’re not wearing any of those things," he replied.

"I know," she said. "It's in case I die before my husband. I'm sure he'll remarry right away, and I want his new wife to go crazy looking for the jewelry." 

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Having trouble getting your man’s attention?

Here are three easy ways I've found: 
1) Turn off the TV,
2) Mute it, or
3) Stand directly in front of it.
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My son & my son-in-law are very good friends.  Some time ago, they were having a minor argument--more like a difference of opinion.  My son-in-law was going on & on when Blake interrupted him to ask, “I don’t understand.  What is your point?”  My son-in-law answered, “Exactly--I have NO point!”  I think that answer alone makes him eligible to be a member of our family.










Déjà Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before----fishducky


 






21 comments:

  1. Great random stuff here. I loved what your SIL said to Blake, that's just brilliant.

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  2. Ha ha! Deja Moo---I'm going to use this one.

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  3. I only hope the cigar story is real!

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    Replies
    1. I just checked with Snopes--unfortunately, they said NO!!

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  4. If I were a hacker, I would organize all the files AND correct the grammar.

    Love,
    Janie

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    Replies
    1. Of course you would, being the Grammar Queen, Your Majesty!!

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  5. Replies
    1. Earl, the old man, reminds me of Bud!!

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  6. Now you are just bragging. I am not sure my brain works at all. I am pretty certain that it is out to lunch somewhere - and didn't invite me.

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    Replies
    1. If you wait for an invitation, you may NEVER see your brain again!!

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  7. The hacker who organised the files...it wasn't me I swear. I only organise my own stuff.
    Another good day of laughs.

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    Replies
    1. You weren't even a suspect--UNTIL NOW!!

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  8. Having a random sort of mind, this all worked perfectly. Now, are you gong to tell any jokes?

    Blessings and Bear hugs!

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  9. Hi fishducky, I've not had the chance yet to come over and wish you a Happy New Year! I hope it is a good one for you. I look forward to coming here and having a laugh throughout 2014! :D

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    Replies
    1. It's NEVER too late to wish someone a Happy New Year--happy to have you here any time!!

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  10. My husband sat and read all of the jokes to me yesterday. I did not get a chance to read them,yet enjoyed them. I read them again today. He loves the non Prophet one and several others too many to name. Terrific comedian, he said.
    Thanks !

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  11. He also likes Chatty Crone,s bog as well.

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Your comments make my day, which shows you how boring my life has become.