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Wednesday, January 22, 2014

THE RHINO AND THE TAILOR






Many years ago rhinos had skin that was a lovely shade of pink and as soft as velvet.   They used to get very bad sunburns, because at that time suntan creams had very low SPF numbers and they believed, probably rightly so, that carrying a parasol to ward off the sun would make them look like wimps to the other animals.

One particular rhinoceros, whose name was Rodney, was desperate.  He badly needed something to cover his extremely sensitive skin.  He went online and although it took him a long time to type in anything correctly on his computer because of the size of his hooves, he eventually found a listing for Angelo Anteater, an Italian tailor.  Fortunately, he was listed under “a” because it was too difficult for Rodney to scroll down to anything under “x”, “y” or “z”.  He took a taxi (it was a tight fit but, as you know, rhinos aren’t allowed on buses) and went to see him.

He introduced himself formally to the tailor.  He said, “I am of the kingdom animalia, the phylum chordate, the class mammalia, the infraclass euthena, the order perissodactylia, the suborder ceratomorpha, and the superfamily rhinocerotoidea, but you can call me Rodney.”  He explained his problem to Angelo.  He told him how easily he sunburned.  He said he realized that was probably because he spent so much time wallowing in mud holes instead of under a tree, but that was the only way he could cool down.  He told him that he liked wallowing so much that he would probably keep doing it, even if he was cool.
 
He asked Angelo if he could possibly make some kind of a suit for him.  Angelo thought and thought and then said, “I believe I can, signore.  It would have to be waterproof and soil resistant, because of the mud holes.  The fabric would have to be thick enough to keep the sun out.  You realize that since you are a plus size, it will require a lot of fabric, so there will be an extra charge.  There will have to be a hole in it so your horn will stick out, but I think I can do it!”  He tied several tape measures together and took Rodney’s measurements and told him to come back in three weeks.

When Rodney returned, Angelo was apologetic.  The tailor brought out the pieces for Rodney’s suit.  They were all cut, but not sewn together.  Angelo told him that he had broken several sewing machine needles trying to sew them, but that he hadn’t been able to find one that was strong enough to go through the thick material.  He didn’t know what to do and neither did Rodney.  They were puzzled.

It was then that Oliver Owl came into the shop to pick up the new feather coat he had ordered.  He looked at the other two and saw that they seemed confused about something.  He said, “Got a problem, guys?  Haven’t you heard how wise owls are?  Maybe I can help you.”  They explained about the thickness of the fabric and the broken sewing machine needles.  Oliver said, “Easy, peasy—that’s a hoot!  If you don’t mind leaving it on, Angelo can put it on you piece by piece with Super Glue.  That should work just fine!  You can rinse it off by going into the river.  Bye bye, gotta fly!”  He slipped into his new coat and flew away.

Rodney said that would be fine with him, since rhinos didn’t worry a lot about staying clean, anyway.  Angelo glued the new suit on Rodney, who loved it!  Because of its weight, he did move a little slower, but he didn’t mind that.  Then there were those little oxpecker birds (members of the Sturnidae family, he found out) that kept hitching rides on his back, but that was OK with him, too.  He couldn’t feel them through the suit and they kept it clean inside the seams.

He sent all of his relatives to Angelo, who changed the name of his business to RhinosRUs, patented the suits and made a fortune.  If you see a rhino today, he’s probably wearing one of Angelo’s suits!!














Dust is just mud with all the water wrung out----fishducky






22 comments:

  1. How nice of the new neighbours to bring a friend along for King. I hadn't realised that rhino's were such formal animals - always in a suit, but it does explain their bad temper. I don't like formal wear ALL of the time either.

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    1. I guess it helps if you can't take the sun--especially where you live!!

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  2. Replies
    1. He DOES have an interesting perspective!!

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  3. Lot's of funnies but somehow the Santa one of "do you have this in red" made me howl.

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  4. Thanks for explaining how rhinos got such a tough hide. This makes as much sense as what I leaned in zoology classes.

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    1. That's strange--it's not often that I make sense!!

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  5. That would explain the seams on the Rhino's armor. Your mind and the turns it takes is fascinating to follow.
    Got a kick out of King's wagging tail.

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    1. I used to think that everyone's mind worked just like mine--they DON'T!!

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  6. Dear Fishducky, I enjoyed this tale immensely and now understand those seams we seem to see on a rhino's hide. You do have such a wonderful sense of the ridiculous. That's something I treasure in you. Peace.

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    1. I'm just glad I could clear things up!!

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  7. That Angelo is a mighty fine tailor. Not once have I heard of a rhino going back for repairs or adjustments.

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    1. And he offers a lifetime guarantee!!

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  8. Rudyard Kipling has a story to explain all the bumps and lumps in the rhino's coat. Seems there are crumbs left there by the Parsee. A punishment for stealing cakes.

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    1. I'm not familiar with that story, but I can't get this old joke out of my head: "Do you like Kipling?" "I don't know--I've never kippled!!"

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  9. I guess I better use my moisturizers and sunscreens LOL

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  10. Love it! You have such an imagination, Fran!
    The cartoon that cracked me up the most was the painting rhino! :)

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    1. What imagination? Every word was true!!

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