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Wednesday, January 8, 2014

WHAT'S FUNNY & STILL MAKES YOU GROAN--BESIDES MY POSTS?



Answer: Puns. Not too many, though, because you don't want your brain to end up like mine!!

The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.

I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island,
but he turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

She was only a whiskey maker,
but he loved her still.

A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class,
because it was a weapon of math disruption.

No matter how much you push the envelope,
it'll still be stationery.

A dog gave birth to puppies near the road
and was cited for littering.

A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France
would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

Two silk worms had a race.
They ended up in a tie.

A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall.
The police are looking into it.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway.
One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'

I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger.
Then it hit me.

A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center
said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

The midget fortune teller who escaped from
prison was a small medium at large.

The soldier who survived mustard gas and
pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

A backward poet writes inverse.

In a democracy it's your vote that counts.
In feudalism it's your count that votes.

If you jumped off the bridge in Paris,
you'd be in Seine.


Two fish swim into a concrete wall.
One turns to the other and says 'Dam!'

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft.
Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak
and heat it, too.

Two hydrogen atoms meet.  One says, 'I've lost my electron.'
The other says, 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'


Why did the cannibal live on his own?
He was fed up with other people.

Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain
during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.



In case those weren't corny enough
here are lots of cartoons:















Did you hear about the dead cabbage?  There was a big turnip at the funeral----fishducky

 








28 comments:

  1. I have a weakness for clever puns (despite being told that they are the lowest form of wit).
    My favourite?
    Champagne for my real friends
    Real pain for my sham friends.

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  2. My mother was a terrible and wonderful pun enthusiast. She would have loved these.

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  3. Very Punny. I do like puns. Now that I have a big smile on my face i can get on with my painting. No, not the kind you do..... cupboards and walls are my speciality. Ha

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  4. Puns always make me laugh out loud. I don't know why the two fans did it this time.

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  5. If I had a whiskey maker in my life I'd also love her still. Ha!

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  6. I love a good pun!! Heck just basic simple jokes are even fabulous!

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  7. And yet I keep coming back...I like the church mice and the balloon the best!

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  8. Replies
    1. That cartoon was UDDERLY ridiculous!!

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  9. oh, freaking ga roannnnn … the vacuum cleaner one … hahaaaa and maybe the spoiled brats .. but I sooo dislike talking food…. and cows don't have removable udders…. no… they don't.
    support bras… sigh

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    Replies
    1. I could use a support bra (& some complimentary nuts)!!

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  10. “Wit and puns aren't just decor in the mind; they're essential signs that the mind knows it's on, recognizes its own software, can spot the bugs in its own program.”
    ― Adam Gopnik

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  11. Love the balloons!!
    I enjoy puns and have most of those printed and put in a folder, I used to write one of them each day on the whiteboard in the staff lunchroom and the boss would walk past and clean it off....
    The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

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  12. I scarfed up those puns. These will be great to use on stage when we perform.
    R

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    Replies
    1. As long as the audience isn't groaning so loud that they can't hear your music!!

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  13. It is hard to point out which ones I like. They are too many.

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  14. My dad was really good at punning.

    Love,
    Janie

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    Replies
    1. I'm glad your dad wasn't sad
      & could pun for fun, honeybun!!

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Your comments make my day, which shows you how boring my life has become.