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Friday, March 7, 2014

POOR FRED & SOME OTHER STUFF






A Highway Patrol officer stops a Harley for traveling faster than the posted speed limit. He begins by asking the biker his name. 

'Fred,' he replies. 

'Fred what?' the officer asks. 

'Just Fred,' the man responds. 

The officer, in a good mood, thinks he might just give the biker a break, and write him out a warning instead of a ticket. The officer presses him for the last name.

The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it. The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it. 

'Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?'


The biker replies, 'It's a long story, so stay with me. I was born Fred Johnson. I studied hard and got good grades. When I got older, I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, and finally got my degree, so I was Fred Johnson, MD.

After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school. Dentistry was my dream! Got all the way through school, got my degree, so then I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS.

'Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and she gave me VD, so now I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS, with VD.

'Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS. Then I was Fred Johnson, MD, with VD.

'Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the
VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Johnson with VD.

Then the VD took away my Johnson, so now I am Just Fred.' 

The officer walked away in tears, laughing. 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Fred was not the only one who was ever in a hurry.  A true story:


Bud & I had taken the kids to Universal Studios.  We were early & waiting in line for the gates to open.  A young couple crowded into line in front of us.  They were alone & not connecting with anyone who was already in the line.  I guess I didn't have too much patience that day, because I found myself saying, in a very loud voice, "May I have everyone's attention, please. These people (& I pointed them out) are obviously more important than we are & are in a big hurry because they cut into the line instead of waiting at the end.  Would everyone just ignore fairness & common courtesy & let them ahead of you, please!"  They left.  I'm never sure what's going to come out of my mouth, but I'm glad that did!!
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Not about being in a hurry, but about my mouth (from an old post) :

When our youngest son got married, he & his wife eloped to Las Vegas.  Soon after their return we threw them a wedding reception.  I decided I had a right to see them get married, so I performed a wedding ceremony.  (No, I am not a minister.)  It was short & went something like this: “Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to reunite this man & this woman in holy matrimony.  Please join hands.  Diane, do you promise to love & honor Blake & to let him have the TV remote control?  ‘I do.’  Blake, do you promise to love & honor Diane & to put the toilet seat down?  ‘I do.’  I now re-pronounce you husband & wife.  You may kiss the bride!”  They were later married (again!) in a Catholic church in Florida, where her family lives.  We had not met her family before.  At the reception at her sister’s home her father told me that he & his wife loved our Blake the first moment they met him.  As I said, sometimes I don’t know what I’m going to say until it comes out of my mouth.  What came out was, “Really?  What do you think of him now?”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What my grandkids think about me:


Bud & I were at a restaurant with our daughter, her husband & their two teenaged daughters.  One of the girls said that some movie star, I think it was Johnny Depp, was cool.  Their father asked, “What about me?  I’m cool.”  They laughed & told him, “Dad, you’re not cool!”  He asked if their mom was cool.  “No.”  “What about Grandpa?  Is Grandpa cool?”  They thought for a minute & said, “Not really.”  He then asked, “How about Grandma?  Is she…”  Before he could finish his question, they answered, in one voice, “Yeah, Grandma’s cool!”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


I hope you're not in too much of a hurry to watch this:


You've met Aunty Acid--she's at the bottom of each of my posts.
She's the British version of Maxine published by facebook.
I think she's also very wise.  See if you agree:














I'm at the age where you don't meet a lot of new people, unless you happen to drive into their living room----Robert Brault (& fishducky)


 





30 comments:

  1. Hooray for Maxine, Aunty Acid - and you.

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    1. Yes for Maxine & Aunty Acid--& I hope for me!!

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  2. I got so many laughs here today. Poor Fred with no Johnson, aunty Acid, the blind man video made me smile.

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    1. Glad I could give you some laughs!!

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  3. I soo needed this.
    I hope that you are feeling good. I have not been visiting too many blogs. For three days my daughter has been working on getting rid of a virus in my computer.

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    1. Hope you computer gets better soon!!

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  4. When you are young, you tend to watch what you say because the consequences can last a lifetime. As I get older the consequences lasting a lifetime does not seem so bad.

    Loved the line cutter comment.

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    1. When your lifetime is a week & a half, nothing really matters!!

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  5. The best philosophies are expressed with humor, as your post shows so well.

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  6. It's so great to have you back! I love the one that said "I'm not the one who married me," and will use it next time my hubby needs to hear it. And everything else here was great and funny too!

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    1. Tell that to old "What's His Name?"!!

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  7. I loved this one. I love that video I have seen it several times. :) I'm sorry it has taken me a week to get over here my friend. I have been dealing with headaches and readjusting to seeing some. I welcome the headaches though because they are soo worth it. Glad you are feeling better..

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    1. Take your time--just happy to see you!!

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  8. What a neat way to flatten a line cutter.
    I am borrowing that "easy to see" line. Love it plus always enjoy Robert Brault. That is one of my favorites of his.

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    1. Borrow it--most of my stuff is borrowed!!

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  9. wow, Fran and you get by with staying stuff like that? I embarrass my kid and have embarrassed my kid since birth spouting off like that… but dammit! I absolutely hate rude people and unfairness… just boils m'blood and out it comes from my mouth. I have no filter.

    aw… Grandma's cool… oh wow and that video… I got tears here… how beautiful!

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  10. I quite often shock and embarrass my children with the things I say, and they have no problem saying so. They have shocked and embarrassed me, but I keep my mouth shut. Maybe I'll be more critical when I'm older.

    Love,
    Janie

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  11. I just read my husband the story about poor Fred, and we both loved it! I also enjoyed both wedding stories. No wonder you have such smart grandchildren! Hope you're feeling well, Fran.

    Julie

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  12. I do indeed love Aunti Acid and I fully intent to smile while I still have teeth.

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  13. Hello! Stopping by to say hi! Thanks for all the smiles here today. :)

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  14. I love your blog
    followed
    http://minimaysi.blogspot.co.uk/

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Your comments make my day, which shows you how boring my life has become.