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Friday, April 25, 2014

NEED TO DROP A FEW POUNDS?


Hi, everybody. I'm Blake, fishducky's son, & my mom wanted me to let you know what's going on.  You may have noticed that she hasn't left any smart assed responses to your comments this week.  She developed a medical problem the night before Easter which was not connected to her recent surgery.  Without getting too technical, she fell down & went boom, breaking her left arm at the shoulder.  It's too high to cast, so they put her in an immovable sling.  She says it hurts like hell & I believe her!  She hasn't been at the computer since this last episode of klutziness, but I HAVE read her your comments & she hopes (& expects) to be back online Monday -- at least to read, if not actually respond.  Her blogs are written in advance so there should be no break in her posts.

Please continue to leave her comments.  It makes her happy!!


I wasn't always the slim, svelte creature I am today.  
This is me as a baby.

You might consider a diet, if people say things like this to your kids:

Yo mamma's so fat she's got more chins than a Chinese phone book. 

Yo mamma's so fat that when she rolls off the bed, she rolls off BOTH sides. 

Yo mamma's so fat she had to go to Sea World to get baptized. 

Yo mamma's so fat she puts on lipstick with a paint roller. 

Yo mamma's so fat she went to the movies & she sat next to everybody. 

Yo mamma's so fat she was lying on the beach & people tried to throw her back in the ocean.

Yo mamma’s so fat she fell into the Grand Canyon & got stuck. 

Yo mamma's so fat that she stepped on the scale & it read "One at a time, please."

Yo mamma's so fat that her measurements are 36-24-36....... and that's just her left leg. 

Yo mamma's so fat that she sells shade.

Yo mamma's so fat that when she was missing they had to use all 4 sides of the milk carton. 

Yo mamma's so fat the last time she saw 90210 was on the scale. 

Yo mamma's so fat that her driver’s license picture says “To be continued”. 
wikianswers.com

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A man goes to his doctor after losing a lot of weight.

"I feel great, but I have a problem, doctor.  I was so fat beforehand that my skin has stretched and stayed that long.  Is there anything you can do for me?"

"Hmm, short of plastic surgery, there is only one alternative.  Please take off your clothes."

The man strips down. The doctor pulls all his skin upwards and ties it in a ball above his head.

"But doctor, now my navel is in the middle of my forehead!"

"True," replies the doctor.  "But you should see what you now have for a collar and a tie."
comedycentral.com
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Bob was in trouble as he'd forgot his wedding anniversary & his wife was extremely upset. 

She told him "Tomorrow morning, Friday, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in six seconds!" 

The next morning he got up early & left for work. When his wife woke up she looked out the window &, sure enough, there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. 

Confused, the wife put on her robe, ran out to the driveway, & brought the box back in the house. 

She opened it & found a brand new bathroom scale. 

Bob has been missing since Saturday.

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Tommy LaSorda, onetime manager of the Los Angeles Dodgers, once was quite heavy.  As I remember, his players complained that if they broke a rule, they had to run three laps around the field--or one lap around LaSorda!!  
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True story: When Bud was in the Army he met John "Combat" "Nails" R----.  He got the name "Combat" by being the only one to go through 16 (instead of 8) weeks of basic training. "Nails" came from when he was found using the only "church key" can opener they had (before the days of pop top cans) to clean his fingernails.  Anyway, John was a passenger in a car & he had some letters to be mailed.  He yelled to the driver, "Stop here!"  He jumped out, mail in hand & ran up to a short, rather stout lady who was wearing a red blouse & blue slacks.  He looked at her & said, "Pardon me, madam, I thought you were a mailbox!" & got back in the car.
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The only 2 diet tips that have ever worked for me:

1. Fast on days of the week that end in "y".
2. Eat anything, in any amount, you want.  Just don't swallow. 
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An actual ad: For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.


You might enjoy these:


If he lost a little weight, this wouldn't have happened:













Fat is the past tense of fit----fishducky

 












15 comments:

  1. Oh no!! Ouch Ouch Ouch! I can't begin to imagine how that must hurt. I'm so sorry to hear this.
    But i love all the jokes and laughed.

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  2. Thank you Blake. And I am so very sorry. That must be sooooo painful.
    I loved the jokes and laughed. I like that a crouton makes a salad.

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  3. Very sorry to hear of this latest misery you are going through. Bless you, though, for pre posting. I just love your humour. Watched that video twice lol.

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    1. i think i stole that video from joeh

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  4. I always worry when a fellow blogger goes missing, so glad it is just a really bad fracture that cannot even be put in a cast.

    Wait, that didn't sound right. Hope you heal before your pre-posts are all published!
    Love the mailbox story...the true ones are always the funniest.

    Heal Fishducky, we miss you!

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  5. So sorry to hear of your fall and injury! I hope it mends quickly. I enjoyed the humor here. Thank you for sharing it.

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  6. I'm sorry you have a boo-boo, fishducky. Favorite Young Man has an impacted wisdom tooth that's infected. I'm going to dip some pliers in whiskey, give him the rest of the bottle to drink, and remove the tooth. I hope someone gets you a bottle of something good to drink. *hint, hint, Blake*

    Love,
    Janie

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  7. Oh so sorry you are in one of those immobilizers. Sending positive vibes to you. Oh, the dog says, "HEAL"

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  8. Oh honey... and here I was thinking my "home improvement" week was a success because I was only hit in the head by falling tools twice. I can't even imagine having a high break in the arm. :(

    As for my diet... eh... well, I'm working on getting in a shape that's not round.

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  9. Blake thanks for the update. You should probably put bubble wrap on everything to avoid further injury. At least that is what my husband says he is going to do to me. Hope you feel better soon Fran.
    Here's one for you...
    Yo mama's so fat when she hola hoops NASA comes out thinking Saturn has hit the earth.

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  10. So sorry to hear about your mishap. But thanks for informing us about what's going on, and thanks as always for the laughs. I hope you recover quickly.

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  11. If you need to drop a few pounds, head to a British pub for lunch. It will likely cost you a few pounds, but will be very enjoyable.

    Blessings and Bear hugs, Fishducky!

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  12. OMGosh, Fran! I just read this!! I hope you are doing okay. Breaking an arm is such a painful ordeal to go through. I hope you are right handed, at least. OMG! Wishing you speedy healing!! Love and hugs!!

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Your comments make my day, which shows you how boring my life has become.