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Monday, April 21, 2014

THINGS YOU MIGHT NOT HAVE KNOWN




Some of you (like my husband) claim you know everything.  It's just possible you're wrong. Below are many things you probably didn't know:


In the human body, which organ is in charge?

All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was in charge.

The brain said: “I should be in charge, because I run all the body’s systems, so without me nothing would happen.”

“I should be in charge,” said the heart, “because I pump the blood and circulate oxygen all over the body, so without me you’d all waste away.”

“I should be in charge,” said the stomach, “because I process food & give all of you energy.”

“I should be in charge,” said the rectum, “because I’m responsible for waste removal.”

All the other body parts laughed at the rectum & insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight. Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated & the blood was toxic. Eventually the other organs gave in. They all agreed that the rectum should be the boss.

The moral of the story?

You don’t have to be smart or important to be in charge… any as***le can do it.
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You already know that many words have more than one meaning.  For instance, "tear".  It means to rip something, to go fast & it's also that liquid that comes out of your eye when you cry.  Joe (crankyoldman.blogspot.com) sent me this list of some other words with their new definitions, which you may not know:

Eight words with two meanings

1. THINGY (thing-ee)n.
Female: Any part under a car's hood.
Male: The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

2.  VULNERABLE (vul-ner-a-bul) n.
Female: Fully opening oneself emotionally to another.
Male: Playing football without a cup.

3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shun) n.
Female: the open sharing of thoughts  & feelings with one's partner.
Male: Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.

4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female: A desire to get married & raise a family.
Male: Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.

5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female: A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male: Anything that can be done while drinking beer.

6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens)
Female: An embarrassing byproduct of digestion.
Male: A source of entertainment, self-expression and/or male bonding.

7. MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) v.
Female: The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male: Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.

8. REMOTE CONTROL (rii-moht kon-trol) n.
Female: A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male: A device for scanning through all 375 TV channels every 5 minutes.
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Reasons the earth rotates:


The earth may spin faster on its axis due to deforestation. Just as a figure skater's rate of spin increases when the arms are brought in close to the body, the cutting of tall trees may cause our planet to spin dangerously fast. 


Birds take off at sunrise. On the opposite side of the world, they are landing at sunset. This helps the earth to spin on its axis.



Other little known facts you probably don't know:

The quantity of consonants in the English language is constant. If omitted in one place, they turn up in another. When a Bostonian "pahks" his "cah," the lost "r's" migrate southwest, causing a Texan to "warsh" his car and invest in "erl wells."


Communist China is technologically underdeveloped because they have no alphabet and therefore cannot use acronyms to communicate ideas at a faster rate.

111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321

You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age--as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

The best way to forget all your other troubles is to wear tight shoes.
 
The older you get 
the tougher it is to lose weight because, by then, your body and your fat are really good friends.
 
You should give up jogging for your health if your thighs keep rubbing together and setting your panties on fire.

I know what Victoria's Secret is. The secret is that nobody older than 30 can fit into their stuff. 

Red meat is NOT bad for you. Now blue-green meat... that's bad for you!
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Susan (susan-swiderski.blogspot.com)sent me these two.
They might work:


I couldn't find any cartoons, 
but I did find other interesting 
(to me, anyway) stuff:








 









A Passover cartoon for you:


 














13 comments:

  1. I may never swim in a public pool again. And know rather a lot of people for whom the term 'fat head' is true. Love your words with two meanings, and Susan's funnies. Love the entire post. Thank you.

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  2. This has been such fun, Fishducky. Thanks you!

    Blessings and Bear hugs!

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  3. I think I might be bringing that average down.

    Fun stuff Fran.

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  4. Dear Fishducky, all of this posting made me either laugh or think. So thank you for both. The quip I enjoyed the most was the one on the migrating consonants. That's truly creative thinking! I hope all is well. I've been away from your blog for a couple of weeks due to "life being lived." So I haven't done as much laughing as I do when you are part of my weekly routine! Peace.

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  5. The female and male definitions of words resonated with me. Fun post! :)

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  6. The life support one... Lord help me... that's how I fix virtually every computer problem. :)

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  7. Two swimming pools full of spit? I knew I full of something but i didn't know it was spit.

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  8. You are too much! Thank you for putting so much information together for us who never thought we knew everything. I guess we do now and Mr. F. is not alone.

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  9. As Mr. P would say I know everything about everything I know. However, I now know more because I learned at your knee today lol

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  10. I know that. I'm a bloke. We DO know all.

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  11. Love the freshly squeezed orange jews!
    And the remote control definition. So true!

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  12. I didn't pee my pants, but I did the other stuff. I agree with the gender definitions. Even my husband would agree with him. If I can get the remote out of his hand.

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Your comments make my day, which shows you how boring my life has become.