Follow

Friday, May 30, 2014

BE CAREFUL!!



An Accident Report

I am writing in response to your request for “additional information.” In block number 30 of the accident report form, I put “poor planning” as the cause for my accident. You said in your last letter that I should explain more fully. I trust that the following detail will be sufficient.

I am an amateur radio operator. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the top section of my new 80-foot antenna tower. When I completed my work, I discovered that I had, over the course of several trips up the tower, brought about 300 lbs. of tools and spare hardware. Rather than carry the now unneeded tools and materials down by hand, I decided to lower the items in a small barrel by using a pulley, which fortunately was attached to the pole at the tip of the tower. Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the top of the tower and loaded the tools and materials into the barrel. Then I went back to the ground and untied the rope, holding it tightly to insure a slow descent of the 300 lbs. of tools. 

You will note in block number 11 of the accident report form that I weigh 155 lbs. Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the tower. In the vicinity of the 40-foot level, I met the barrel coming down. This explains my fractured skull and broken clavicle.

Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley. Fortunately by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly on the rope in spite of the pain. At about the same time however, the barrel hit the ground. The bottom fell out of the barrel. Devoid of the weight of the tools, the barrel now weighed 20 pounds.

I refer you again to my weight in block number 11. As you might guess, I began a rapid descent down the side of the tower. In the vicinity of the 40-foot level, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles and the lacerations or my legs and lower body.

The encounter with the barrel slowed me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of tools, and fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked. I am sorry to report, however, that as I lay there on the tools in pain, unable to stand, and watching the empty barrel 80 feet above me, I again lost my presence of mind.

I let go of the rope…
(A Joke A Day.com)





















This website is intended for adult entertainment purposes only. It is not intended to diagnose, prevent or treat any disease. The tasteless and/or crude nature of its content should not be construed as a reflection on the moral character of the reader. If you believe you have reached this site in error, please realize that a record of your visit exists somewhere and may be retrieved in the future by any entity, governmental or otherwise, provided that the aforementioned entity has any interest in doing so. Author assumes no risk or responsibility for reader being "put on a list." In case of accidental exposure, flush eyes immediately with water----fishducky


 




Monday, May 26, 2014

FLOWCHARTS ARE FUNCTIONAL & FUN

.
A guide to understanding flowcharts:

Flowcharts can be used to solve any problem:




Or not:
For instance, you can repair your own computer:

Speaking of computers, they can help you decide 
whether to forward that email:

If your problem is of a more technical nature,
this might help:

Should you go to the gym today?:


Thinking of getting a college education?:

They can help you maintain a healthy diet:




Or not:

Want to understand your pet's thinking?:



Having an argument?
Maybe you'd like to understand his/her thinking:


Here are two by Man Martin that I liked:


But you must always remember:

Aren't you lucky?
I found some flowchart cartoons:

It's a little late to post this one, but it's still funny:














































Friday, May 23, 2014

A PAEAN TO PIGEONS & PENGUINS

                                                         

A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a penguin sitting next to him. "Are you a penguin?" asked the man, surprised. "Yes." "What are you doing at the movies?" The penguin replied, "Well, I liked the book."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Q: What did Morgan Freeman say when penguins told him they liked “March of the Penguins”?
A: Why the hell was I narrating it if penguins can talk?

Q: What do you call a penguin in the desert?
A: Lost!

Q: How do penguins drink their booze?
 A: On the rocks.

Q: What´s black and white and goes round and around?
A: A penguin in a revolving door. 

Q. How does a blond try to kill a pigeon?
A. She throws it off a cliff.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Little Tim was outside in the back yard digging a big hole in the corner of the yard.  He had been out there for a while really making this hole very large and deep.

The neighbor had been watching him for some time through her kitchen window and decided to go out and find out what was going on.

"Tim, why are you digging such a big hole in the yard?" she asked.  He answered angrily, "My pigeon died & I’m burying it."

"I’m so sorry to hear that, Tim" she said.  "But why are you digging such a big hole?"

Tim said, "Because your damn cat is in there too!!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Did you know that to keep alive in the wild, a pigeon needs to keep its eyes open for predators? Having eyes on the side of its head gives it a field of view of 340 degrees and, in order to fly at speed, its brain can process visual information three times faster than a human's.

If a pigeon watched a feature film, 24 frames per second would appear to it like a slide presentation. They would need at least 75 frames per second to create the illusion of movement on screen. (This is why pigeons seem to leave it until the very last second to fly out of the way of an oncoming car: it appears much less fast to them.)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Going to work on Monday vs, coming home on Friday:

The sign says,
"WARNING! 
Due to overfeeding,
 some pigeons can become aggressive."