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Monday, June 30, 2014

LOGICAL QUESTIONS & ANSWERS



These questions seem reasonable to me.  Why aren't there logical answers?


- Can you cry under water? 

- How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered? 

- If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches? 

- Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round? 

- Why do you have to "put your two cents in"...but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to? 

- Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity? 

- Why does a round pizza come in a square box? 

- What disease did cured ham actually have? 

- How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
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Following are some examples of logical answers:

A man goes into a bar and seats himself on a stool. The bartender looks at him and says, "What'll it be, buddy?" 

The man says, "Set me up with seven whiskey shots and make them doubles." The bartender does this and watches the man slug one down, then the next, then the next, and so on until all seven are gone almost as quickly as they were served. Staring in disbelief, the bartender asks the man why he's drinking so fast. 

"You'd drink them this fast, too, if you had what I have." 

The bartender hastily asks, "What do you have, pal?" 

The man quickly replies, "A dollar."
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A Sunday school teacher asked the children just before she dismissed them to go to church, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" 

Annie replied, "Because people are sleeping."
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An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. 

The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring and showed it to him. The old man said, "I don't think you understand, I want something very special." 

At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. 

"Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000," the jeweler said. The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it." 

The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man said, “By check.  I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon."

Monday morning, a very teed-off jeweler phoned the old man. "There's no money in that account." 

"I know", said the old man, "but can you imagine the weekend I had?"
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A dog walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “Do you need any help?” and the bartender says, “Why don’t you try the circus?” 
The dog replies, “Why would the circus need a bartender?”
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Two church members were going door to door, and knocked on the door of a woman who was not happy to see them. She told them in no uncertain terms that she did not want to hear their message and slammed the door in their faces. To her surprise, however, the door did not close and, in fact, bounced back open. She tried again, really put her back into it, and slammed the door again with the same result--the door bounced back open.

Convinced these rude young people were sticking their foot in the door, she reared back to give it a slam that would teach them a lesson, when one of them said, "Ma'am, before you do that again, you need to move your dog."
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And you don't even have to be sober:

An obnoxious drunk stumbles into the front door of a bar and orders a drink, the bartender says,

"No way, buddy, you're too drunk."

A few minutes later, the drunk comes in though the bathroom. Again he slurs, "Give me a drink," and the bartender says, "No, man, I told you last time -- you're too drunk"

Five minutes later the guy comes in though the back door and orders a drink, again the bartender says, "You're too drunk"

The drunk scratches his head and says "Dang, I must be. The last two places said the same thing." 

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A prime example of a logical man:


Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army. 

On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair. 

On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth. 

On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap. 

The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.
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But I'll be back in August!!


Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether----fishducky

 





28 comments:

  1. Very loud giggles here, thanks very much. I needed cheering and you've done it!

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  2. Rather a lot of gems today - still chortling.
    Enjoy your break.

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  3. The extra penny is for the government.....thought tax. Hey, they tax everything else.

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  4. The jokes are particularly good today.

    Love,
    Janie

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    1. Thanks--I want my followers to come back in August!!

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  5. You can cry under water, but it changes the salinity of what you're swimming in.

    An assassination is the planned killing of someone for some political or defensive end. Murder is the planned or unplanned killing of someone without just reason.

    And the extra penny can be saved for a rainy day. :)

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  6. Artists do it in the nude? Love it! And so true.

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  7. It's happened again - I've visited your blog in a sleep deprived state and probably woke the whole house up with my laughing out loud (and I mean loud!)

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  8. My head hurts from laughing :D But it was soooo worth it!

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    1. Take 2 aspirins & call me in the morning--I've missed you!!

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  9. If I was Herman I would have vanished too haha

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    1. I don't see how anyone could blame him!!

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  10. I did not realize that a lot of people fall asleep in the church. How else children would notice that. LOL

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    1. I'm sorry, I must have dozed off--what did you say?

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  11. Hope that everything is fine with you. I have not seen a post from you since this one. Take care.

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    1. I'm taking July off--see you in August!!

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  12. OMG! I finally got over here and you are taking July off--LOL! Well, that will give me time to read the mass email I got with the 20-some post links. I was giggling through this whole post and realizing how much I have missed you! :):)

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  13. Come back Fishducky. Come back.

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  14. Oh my that is one of the funniest things I have heard in a while. Sometimes it is the simplest things that create the most confusion.

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Your comments make my day, which shows you how boring my life has become.