Monday, August 4, 2014


Maternity leave would last two years....with full pay. 

There would be a cure for stretch marks. 

Natural childbirth would become obsolete. 

Morning sickness would rank as the nation's #1 health problem. 

All methods of birth control would be 100% effective. 

Children would be kept in the hospital until toilet trained.

They'd stay in bed during the entire pregnancy.  

Men would be eager to talk about commitment. 

They wouldn't think triplets were so cute. 

Sons would have to be home from dates by 10:00 PM. 

Briefcases would be used as diaper bags. 

Paternity suits would be a fashion line of clothes. 

Restaurants would include ice cream and pickles as main entrees. 

Women would rule the world.

 THIS is interesting!!
A guy calls the hospital & yells, "You've gotta send help!!  My wife's in labor!!"  The nurse says, "Calm down, sir.  Is this her first child?"  He says, "No, you idiot--this is her husband!!" 
Did you hear the one about the woman writer who went into labor and began to yell, "Couldn't! Wouldn't! Shouldn't! Didn't! Can't!"? She was having contractions.
Pregnancy Questions & Answers:

Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.

Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A: Childbirth.

Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.

Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
A: Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.

Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A: Yes, pregnancy.

Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?
A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.

Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A: When the kids are in college.

And some pregnant women cartoons:

Somewhere in this world a woman gives birth to a child every minute.  We have to find this woman & stop her!!----fishducky



  1. Some big smiles - and an awareness that I would have been a woeful mother.

    1. That's OK--there are a lot of people who have had children that probably shouldn't have!! (Honey Boo Boo's mother comes to mind.)

  2. Oh such very true and funny thoughts there. Also if men got pregnant, there would be no siblings. He would never go through childbirth more than once.

  3. If men got pregnant...oh my.....can you imagine the whining and the demands for attention.

  4. Somewhere in this world a woman gives birth to a child every minute. We have to find this woman & stop her!!----fishducky

    Luv it! You always make me laugh and I so very much appreciate it.

    1. Be glad she's not a fly--assuming that all the offspring survived, 190,000,000,000,000,000,000 flies could be produced in four months by the offspring of a single pair of flies.

  5. Dear Fran, so good to be back and reading your humorous take on life. Like "Elephant's Child" I would have been a "woeful" mother! I do pretty well when I can leave and go home and just read. But I think that's not the best formula for motherhood!

    I hope all is well and that you and your arm have recuperated fully. Peace.

    1. I still can't pull up my underwear!!

    2. Dear Fran, oh, woe. I can remember my rotator cuff surgery on my right arm. I had the same problem. It's a bummer--and that's a pun! Peace.

  6. This entry made me realize some truth about pregnancy that I had forgotten.


    1. Sometimes 9 months is so long that you forget why it seemed like a good idea in the first place!!

  7. It would solve the expanding population pretty quick.

  8. If men got pregnant, abortion clinics would be on every street corner.


  9. Hahaha! If only that Egg thing would actually work! LoL!
    I wish men could get pregnant... then they would understand. My friend just had a baby and the baby daddy walked out on them a week after. His reasons - He doesn't want to change because of the child and she has to change and do more and not just sit at home and do "nothing".

    1. Nothing funny to say--I just hope there's a special section in hell for men who walk away from their responsibilities!!

    2. "...just sit at home and do 'nothing'"
      tsk tsk, just another man who believes a newborn can care for itself...feed itself, change itself...wash its own nappies....and care for the house and cook so the "she" can go out with him? I hope he gets the rude awakening he deserves.

  10. HAHaaaaa ... "Women would rule the world."

    Exactly ....

  11. If men got pregnant the world wouldn't be having the population crisis it now has in several countries. Every workplace would have its own free child care creche and fully paid maternity (paternity) leave until the child was old enough for the creche. His job would be held open too, with a temp in his position until he came back. There'd be none of this "well, you've been out of the workforce for quite some time (6 months) Mrs..., you're going to need to retrain and update, upgrade and then we could probably find you a spot...(ie, if someone else suddenly leaves)

    1. If men weren't so chicken, they would AT LEAST try pregnancy!!

  12. I love that story about the man who got pregnant... I had no idea they did it "at home"... interesting.

  13. I especially enjoyed these having just recently had my memory jogged about pregnancy--ROFL! ;)


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