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Friday, September 12, 2014

FISHDUCKY’S GREETING CARDS, INC.






(A reworked post from 9/26/12)


Hallmark’s slogan is “When you care enough to send the very best”.  Someecards uses “When you care enough to hit send’’.  The slogan for my new greeting card company will be “Here!”

We offer cards for every occasion.  Here's a sample of our stock:



“Happy birthday!
Don’t be a flake.
Save me some of
That chocolate cake!”















“Here’s my wish for
You this Easter—
Don’t fall down and
Break your keester!”
















“It’s Hanukkah!
Here’s your dreidle toy.
Aren’t you glad
You’re not a Goy?”*
*Non-Jew


   









“You had a brand new baby,
And I suppose that’s fine.
But I would've gladly given
You any one of mine!”






















Congratulations
On your wedding.
That should keep
STD's from spreading."

or

“Word’s out you’re getting married,
I wish you endless luck.
God knows you’ll really need it
If you say “Yes” to that schmuck.”
















"It's about time
You divorced that cow.
Does that mean it’s OK
To hit on her now?”
















“Christmas is coming
With lots of good cheer.
I hope Santa
Brings me beer!”
















"So glad you're out of jail.
Did they grant you a parole,
Or did someone slip a file
Into your casserole?"














"All this snoring
Is making me woozy.
Oh, how I wish
I had an Uzi!"












“Thanks for having me
At your place—
Loved shoving dinner
Into my face!”



“Happy New YEAR!
Auld lang syne!
I need another
Glass of wine!”

















"I'm so sorry 
You got fired.
Just pretend that 
You retired."



“Too bad you’re sick.
Just take your pill.
You’ll need it when you
Get the doctor’s bill!”



“You always said to
Eat, drink & live hearty.
We had a great time at
Your funeral party!”


We even offer cards for those "of a certain age"--here are three samples:




“I know this
Birthday card is late.
So what?  You’re too old
To celebrate.”

“Too many candles can easily start
A blaze in your apartment—
A happy birthday warning from
Your local Fire Department.”

“Because you’ve had so many birthdays
And we all love you a heap,
We pooled our money and decided
To have you put to sleep.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Here are some that Arcamax offered.  I like mine better:

You totaled your car
and can't remember why.
Could it have been
that whole case of Bud Dry? 

You are such a good friend
that if we were on a sinking ship
and there was only one life jacket
I'd miss you heaps and think of you often. 

When we were together,
you always said you'd die for me.
Now that we've broken up,
I think it's time you kept your promise. 

Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go,
would you like to take this knife out of my back.
You'll probably need it again. 

Happy Birthday! You look great for your age...
almost lifelike!



Another competitor:










Don't forget!!  Some of my poems are in an anthology that was just published.  It's called "Old Broads Waxing Poetic".  This is the cover.  To order from Amazon, click here.


We're pleased to announce the winner of the Favorite Old Broadfest  is Stephen T. McCarthy! He wrote not one, but two wonderful stories about his mother on Susan's blog. Stephen blogs at http://xtremelyun-pcandunrepentant.blogspot.com/.  You can see his winning entries over at http://susan-swiderski.blogspot.com/.


Does this look like the start of a fantastic new career or what?----fishducky  


 


26 comments:

  1. I love where your mind takes me every time I come here.
    "Sure getting older sucks, but think of the alternative. So true!
    I like the Get Over It cards next to the Get Well cards, I've often wished I could send a Get Over It card.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "Where your mind takes me" makes me think of "Having wonderful time--wish you were here" as "Having wonderful time--wish I were here" or "Having wonderful time--wish I knew where"!!

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  2. I do love your cards. And can think of quite a number of people I would happily send them to. Megathanks.

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  3. Love the cards...you have a delightful sense of humour.

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  4. I'm glad I'm not in the store right now...I'd be broke from buying cards on impulse.

    Hey, by the way - thanks for the link to Stephen. I like the way he thinks!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Feel free to stop in our store. We're open 24 hours, but not in a row!!

      Delete
  5. "Fishducky Greeting Cards" It has a nice ring.


    "I'm so sorry
    You got fired.
    Just pretend that
    You retired."

    Well, that one was spot on!

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  6. Those are truly card options that should be made available. You made my day.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I never know what your theme will be but I do know when I come here that I'm going to end up laughing. Thanks.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If even I knew what my theme was going to be it would spoil the surprise!!

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  8. Wonderful humor and congratulations on the book you old broads published. I bet it's a hoot and I absolutely adore that cover.

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    Replies
    1. The majority of the poems in the book aren't funny; Susan & mine hopefully are. I love the book!! Most old broads can relate to that cover. (I saw your blog today--it's appropriate.)

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  9. I don't remember this post. It's hilarious.

    Love,
    Janie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Did you laugh & scare the boys again?

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    2. I always do. It's more of a cackle than a laugh. They probably think Mom is a witch.

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    3. Or a bitch since I'm the dog mom.

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  10. You know... if you ever wanted another career, Hallmark could have an opening for you. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Would that require getting up in the morning?

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  11. Keep STD from spreading. That's harsh :)

    ReplyDelete

Your comments make my day, which shows you how boring my life has become.