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Friday, October 31, 2014

HOW'S YOUR HALLOWEEN GOING SO FAR?



(The first part of this post is from  February of last year.)

Garden Snakes also known as Garter Snakes (Thamnophissirtalis) can be dangerous. Yes, grass snakes, not rattlesnakes.  Here's why.


A couple in Sweetwater, Texas, had a lot of potted plants.  During a recent cold spell, the wife was bringing a lot of them indoors to protect them from a possible freeze.

It turned out that a little green garden grass snake was hidden in one of the plants.  When it had warmed up, it slithered out and the wife saw it go under the sofa.  She let out a very loud scream.

The husband (who was taking a shower) ran out into the living room naked to see what the problem was. She told him there was a snake under the sofa.

He got down on the floor on his hands and knees to look for it.  About that time the family dog came and cold-nosed him on the behind.  He thought the snake had bitten him, so he screamed and fell over on the floor.  His wife thought he had had a heart attack, so she covered him up, told him to lie still and called an ambulance.

The attendants rushed in, would not listen to his protests, loaded him on the stretcher, and started carrying him out.  About that time, the snake came out from under the sofa and the Emergency Medical Technician saw it and dropped his end of the stretcher.  That's when the man broke his leg and why he is still in the hospital.

The wife still had the problem of the snake in the house, so she called on a neighbor who volunteered to capture the snake.  He armed himself with a rolled-up newspaper and began poking under the couch.  Soon he decided it was gone and told the woman, who sat down on the sofa in relief.

But while relaxing, her hand dangled in between the cushions, where she felt the snake wriggling around. She screamed and fainted, the snake rushed back under the sofa.  The neighbor man, seeing her lying there passed out, tried to use CPR to revive her.

The neighbor's wife, who had just stopped by after shopping at the grocery store, saw her husband's mouth on the woman's mouth and slammed her husband in the back of the head with a bag of canned goods, knocking him out and cutting his scalp to a point where it needed stitches.

The noise woke the woman from her dead faint and she saw her neighbor lying on the floor with his wife bending over him, so she assumed that the snake had bitten him.  She went to the kitchen and got a small bottle of whiskey, and began pouring it down the man's throat.

By now, the police had arrived.  Breathe here...
They saw the unconscious man, smelled the whiskey, and assumed that a drunken fight had occurred. They were about to arrest them all, when the women tried to explain how it all happened over a little garden snake!

The police called an ambulance, which took away the neighbor and his sobbing wife.

Now, the little snake again crawled out from under the sofa and one of the policemen drew his gun and fired at it.  He missed the snake and hit the leg of the end table. The table fell over, the lamp on it shattered and, as the bulb broke, it started a fire in the drapes.

The other policeman tried to beat out the flames, and fell through the window into the yard on top of the family dog who, startled, jumped out and raced into the street, where an oncoming car swerved to avoid it and smashed into the parked police car.

Meanwhile, neighbors saw the burning drapes and called in the fire department.  The firemen had started raising the fire ladder when they were halfway down the street.  The rising ladder tore out the overhead wires, put out the power, and disconnected the telephones in a ten-square city block area (but they did get the house fire out).

Time passed.  Both men were discharged from the hospital, the house was repaired, the dog came home, the police acquired a new car, and all was right with their world.

Several days later the couple was watching TV and the weatherman announced a cold snap for that night.  The wife asked her husband if he thought they should bring in their plants for the night.

And that's when he shot her.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Having a Bad Day?

Well, then, consider this.............. 

In a hospital's Intensive Care Unit, patients always died in the same bed, on Sunday morning, at about11:00 a.m., regardless of their medical condition. 

This puzzled the doctors and some even thought it had something to do with the supernatural. No one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths occurred around 11:00 a.m. on Sunday, so a worldwide team of experts was assembled to investigate the cause of the incidents. 

The next Sunday morning, a few minutes before 11:00 a.m., all of the doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about. Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books, and other holy objects to ward off the evil spirits. 
Just when the clock struck 11:00, Pookie Johnson, the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life support system so he could use the vacuum cleaner.

Still Having a Bad Day?


The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez Oil spill in Alaska was $ 80,000.00. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were being released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers. 

A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both. 

Still Think You’re Having a Bad Day?


Two animal rights defenders were protesting the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn, Germany. Suddenly, all two thousand pigs broke loose and escaped through a broken fence, stampeding madly. 

The two helpless protesters were trampled to death.

And Still Think You're Having a Bad Day?


Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It came back with "Return to Sender" stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits. 

There now, feeling better?
arcamax
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A skeleton walks down empty Main Street. Suddenly he sees another skeleton carrying a gravestone. "Hey, what are you doing?” The other skeleton answers, "Just strolling" "What's with the gravestone, buddy?" "I want to have some ID”. 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I've made a lot of Halloween costumes over the years, but there's only one I remember.  One year my 2 sons wanted to be Tweedledum & Tweedledee, from "Alice in Wonderland".  I used striped material from some old kitchen curtains.  Inside the waistband I sewed in some heavily coated electrical wire, which held its shape when bent. I made up their faces & they looked something like this, with the mandatory huge bellies:

For a Halloween candy trading guide,

WARNING:
These ideas are gross!!

Two great costume ideas:















Being kissed by a vampire is a pain in the neck----fishducky

 







Wednesday, October 29, 2014

THIS IS NOT A FUNNY POST, BUT IT WAS NOT A FUNNY TIME





These photos & all the text are from DISTRACTIFY.  I have not included all the pictures, due to space limitations.  

This is how future generations will remember us as people of the early 21st century. Take a moment with me to reflect on the conflicts, triumphs, and world changing moments all of us have witnessed together in the past 14 years. We chose this list of 100 photos to capture the most iconic moments so far.
The world welcomes in the new millennium. [2000]

 Steve Jobs introduces the first iPod [2001]

President Bush's reaction to news of a second plane striking the Twin Towers. He was reading to children at a Florida elementary school. [2001]

Firefighters raise the American flag on the ruins on the World Trade Centers [2001]

Archaeologists discover some of the oldest artworks known to man in Dordogne, France - over 12,000 years old. [2001]

A young Afghan woman shows her face in public for the first time after 5 years of Taliban Sharia law. [2001]

People gather water from a huge well in the village of Natwarghad in the western Indian state of Gujarat. More than 1 billion people still lack access to clean drinking water. [2003]
New York City is plunged into darkness after a power failure [2003]
U.S. Navy Hospital Corpsman HM1 Richard Barnett, assigned to the 1st Marine Division, holds a child after she was separated from her family during a firefight [2003]
The Columbia Space Shuttle breaks apart during reentry [2003]
The first waves of the 2004 Indian Ocean Tsunami, which killed over 200,000 people, hit the shore.
Mark Zuckerberg and Dustin Moscovitz in 2004, after they had just launched FaceBook.
The Hubble Telescope takes a picture of what the universe looked like 13 billion years ago [2004]
The Christian world mourns the passing of Pope John Paul II [2005]

Isabelle Dinoire after receiving the world's first partial face transplant [2005]

Pearl Harbor survivor Houston James of Dallas embraces Marine Staff Sgt. Mark Graunke Jr. who lost a hand, leg, and eye while defusing a bomb in Iraq. [2005]

Tanisha Blevin, 5, holds the hand of fellow Hurricane Katrina victim Nita LaGarde, 105, as they are evacuated from the convention center in New Orleans. [2005]

The Tribute in Lights shines on the skyline of lower Manhattan in New York. [2006]

Michael Phelps celebrates after winning his 14th gold medal, setting the all-time record for most Olympic gold medals. [2008]

Barack Obama wins the 2008 election, becoming the first African American President.

US Airways Flight 1549 floats on the Hudson river after crash landing, miraculously, everyone survived [2009]

Kiki, age 7, is pulled from the ruins left by the Haiti earthquake and into the arms of his mother. [2010]

Elite runner Jaqueline Kiplimo helps a disabled Chinese athlete drink during the 2010 Zheng-Kai marathon. She stayed with him for several miles, costing her the 1st place finish and the $10,000 prize. [2010

Phyllis Siegel, 76, and Connie Kopelov, 84, are finally able to get married in New York. In the past decade, 17 US States, alongside 15 countries have legalized gay marriage. [2011]

San Francisco comes together to help batkid save the city - and to grant the wish of an ill child. [2013]

Markiyan Matsekh plays piano for police during the Ukranian revoloution. [2014]

To see the entire article, click here.  I urge you to see it; there is SO much more!!

Life is not always funny, but it CAN be beautiful----fishducky

 





Monday, October 27, 2014

PRESENTING AUNTY ACID...

...As a post--not just a closing!!



Aunty Acid is Facebook's answer to Maxine.  She's a pretty feisty old lady, as you can see.  Like Maxine, she has a comment on just about every subject, especially her body!!  Following is a small selection.

On moods:



On cooking & housekeeping:




On memory:


On men:



On succeeding in the marketplace:

On wine:



On technology:

On anger:







Of course, on health & aging:









Some general observations:





I know this one is in twice, but I don't give a crap!!


As always, I'll let her say goodbye for me----fishducky