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Wednesday, October 1, 2014

ANIMALS HAVE QUITE A SENSE OF HUMOR




A man goes to Africa on a safari. While there, he comes upon an elephant, in great pain, with a giant thorn in its foot. The man very carefully approaches the elephant, and gingerly removes the thorn from its foot. The elephant begins to walk away, then turns and stares at the man for a full minute, locking eyes with him. The elephant then continues on its way. "I wonder if I ever see that elephant again if it will remember me?" the man muses to himself. 

It is a few years later and the man is at a circus back in the States. He notices that one of the elephants keeps looking at him, almost like it KNOWS him. The man wonders, "Could this be that elephant I helped so long ago?" He decides to get a closer look. With the elephant still giving him the stare down, the man moves in closer, getting right up in front of the elephant. They lock eyes. A knowing look seems to cross the elephant's face. It reaches down... picks the man up carefully with its trunk... lifts him high in the air... THROWS HIM, CRASHING TO THE GROUND AND STOMPS HIM TO DEATH! 


It was probably a different elephant!!



The Americans and Russians at the height of the arms race realized that if they continued in the usual manner they were going to blow up the whole world. One day they sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They'd have five years to breed the best fighting dog in the world and whichever side's dog won would be entitled to dominate the world. The losing side would have to lay down its arms. 



The Russians found the biggest meanest Doberman and Rottweiler dogs in the world and bred them with the biggest meanest Siberian wolves. They selected only the biggest and strongest puppy from each litter, killed his siblings, and gave him all the milk. They used steroids and trainers and after five years came up with the biggest meanest dog the world had ever seen. Its cage needed steel bars that were five inches thick and nobody could get near it. 



When the day came for the fight, the Americans showed up with a strange animal. It was a nine foot long Dachshund. Everyone felt sorry for the Americans because they knew there was no way that this dog could possibly last ten seconds with the Russian dog. 



When the cages were opened up, the Dachshund came out and wrapped itself around the outside of the ring. It had the Russian dog almost completely surrounded. When the Russian dog leaned over to bite the Dachshund's neck, the Dachshund reached out and consumed the Russian dog in one bite. There was nothing left at all of the Russian dog. 

The Russians came up to the Americans shaking their heads in disbelief. "We don't understand how this could have happened. We had our best people working for five years with the meanest Doberman and Rottweiler bitches in the world and the biggest meanest Siberian wolves." 

"That's nothing," an American replied. "We had our best plastic surgeons working for five years to make an alligator look like a Dachshund."




A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals had a habit of picking on strangers. So when he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head and fired a shot into the ceiling. "WHICH ONE OF YOU SIDEWINDERS STOLE MY HOSS?" he yelled. 

No one answered.
 

"ALL RIGHT, I'M GONNA HAVE ANOTHA' BEER, AND IF MY HOSS AIN'T BACK OUTSIDE BY THE TIME I FINISH, I'M GONNA DO WHAT I DONE IN TEXAS! AND I DON'T LIKE TO HAVE TO DO WHAT I DONE IN TEXAS!" 



Some of the locals shifted restlessly. The cowboy had another beer, walked outside, and his horse was back! He saddled up and started to ride out of town. The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, "Say partner, before you go. . .what happened in Texas?" 

The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home."
 

Did you know that many animals are accomplished musicians
& some can even accompany themselves:


                                          

Animals love to play:


And dance:

They make great babysitters:

And they're very affectionate:

And empathetic:





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If you mated a shitsu & a bulldog, would it be called a bullshit?----fishducky


 










24 comments:

  1. Animals are hilarious! That's why I love them more than anything. My cat and dog cracks me up all the time! :)
    Thank you for yet another post that made me laugh out loud :)

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    1. Oh, so that was YOU I heard laughing!!

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  2. We had a toy poodle when I was growing up. He "sang" when we played the piano. I'm afraid the sound probably hurt his ears.

    Love,
    Janie

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    1. That's amazing--dogs can't usually remember the words!!

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  3. Animals definitely have a sense of humour. Jazz n Jewel OFTEN laugh at me. Sigh.

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  4. The dog/baby combo is just adorable. I think dogs hang around kids because there just might be food you know?

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    1. There's almost always something to eat on a baby's face!!

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  5. Critter lovers unite. Great post, fishducky!

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    1. Love them critters--usually deep fried!!

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  6. Fishducky, I have no idea where you find all these funny stories. Great job, made me chuckle!

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    1. I'd tell you if I were sure you could keep a secret!!

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  7. An alligator made to look like a dachshund? Priceless!

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  8. Smile, giggle, smile. Ahhh, great way to spend a few moments. Thanks.

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    1. You have a beautiful smile--& a cute giggle!!

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  9. Love the hula-hooping bear! I wouldn't have thought that possible, then I remembered trained bears from circuses. The pets with the musical instruments is quite good too.
    Lots of smiling going on here, thanks.

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    1. I admit to a little jealousy--I can't hula hoop as good as the bear!!

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  10. There's a girl at work who, to replace her daughter who went off to college, just got a puppy. She dresses the puppy up, takes it everywhere, and all we ever hear about is "the puppy". Honestly, I suppose he's cute, but the funniest part is mocking her and telling her that he's not.

    It's quite an entertaining game, actually.

    I kind of feel bad though... she's dressing the poor thing up as a frog for Halloween.

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    1. I wouldn't feel bad if that's the costume the puppy chose!!

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  11. My puppy would eat her costume if I were to dress her up as a frog. Fun post.

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    1. What costume IS Faith going to wear?

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Your comments make my day, which shows you how boring my life has become.