Follow

Friday, October 3, 2014

THE BEST, ACCORDING TO ME

Before I start this post I'd like to share some good news.
I broke my arm in April & it didn't heal properly, 
so I wasn't able to pull up my own underwear.  
Until last week when I tried, I had this problem--but not with my socks.

I can now pull them up by myself!!

 And now, today's post:



(Sometimes it's hard to decide on a favorite, so I may put in more than one.)

The best set of hotel rules:

 The best outgoing phone message:


The best truth in advertising:

 The best veterinarian’s sign:

 The best title for a diet book:

 The best way for retirees to amuse themselves:

 The best birdbath:

 The best doormat:


The best exercise poster:

 The best excuse for not cooking dinner:

 The best way to prepare a turkey:

The best recipe correction:

The best advice for a cold cure:

 The best request for marital advice:

 The best marital advice from a man:






 The best revenge (on a small child):


When Blake was about 2, the kids were having lunch & I was at the sink, with my back to them.  He knocked over his glass & spilled his milk.  I wiped it up & poured him some more.  He knocked over his glass again, & again I wiped it up & poured him more.  I warned him not to do it again or he would be sorry.  I watched him out of the corner of my eye as he deliberately knocked it over one more time.  I picked up the gallon milk bottle (which had probably a quart or so left in it) & emptied it on his head!  Childish, I know, but it made a beautiful waterfall—or, I guess, a milkfall.  He didn’t even cry—he just sat there with his little mouth hanging open in amazement as the milk cascaded from his head.  As far as I know, none of our kids ever deliberately knocked over their milk again.  Not while I was in the room, anyway.




The best name for a dog is "Dammit".  Then you can say, "Here, Dammit!", "Come, Dammit!", "Stay, Dammit!" or whatever else you want (even around your minister)----fishducky

 



19 comments:

  1. I love rather a lot of these - particularly the retired couple having fun.
    And I think I would rather have cement in my dinner than cilantro. I am sure that cement is fibre filled, and doubt it tastes any worse than cilantro. Like the seeds hate the leaves.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Don't you think cement might be a little too chewy?

      Delete
    2. Perhaps. And I would rather try and chew it than eat any dish polluted with cilantro.

      Delete
  2. Love the InterBank and the advice for married men!
    I don't like cilantro either, but I don't think I would try chewing cement.

    ReplyDelete
  3. As I've said before... I don't know where you find all these funny things. My favorite is the doormat.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'd tell you but then I'd have to kill you!! Which doormat?

      Delete
  4. Replies
    1. Yeah, I know I'd hate to be in one of those cones!!

      Delete
  5. "Your call is important to us." Yeah, right. That is exactly how I feel when I get a recording, or my new pet peeve, the rob0-caller. If you're too busy to call me, you're never getting my business. Then again, if you call me in the evening, you're not getting it anyhow.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The Do Not Call list doesn't do much good, either!!

      Delete
  6. Loved them all but Dammit hit home One miserable day when all had gone wrong, a doberman raced down his driveway to eat me alive. It was the last straw and I screamed "Dammit, enough is enough."
    Well his name must have been Dammit or something really close for he slowed, his ears perked up and he wagged his tail. We enjoyed a nice walk that day.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You could name a dog "Please" but I prefer "Dammit"!!

      Delete
  7. I hope I see someone getting a ticket so I can try that out. My luck, they'll treat me to a pair of handcuffs and haul me away. So glad your arm is working properly again.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's not working properly--it just hurts a little less. I drove today for the first time since April!!

      Delete
  8. I must have a sick mind. My favorite is the chicken chilling in the sink. (Which I'm totally gonna steal the next time I'm on my PC.) But I like all of 'em. As always.

    Happy weekend!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm pretty sure it's a turkey, but feel free to use ANYTHING on my posts. (Credit would be nice, but not necessary.)

      Delete
  9. If you wet of burn you bed you going out.
    Now that's a warning with some meat in it :)

    What a scream.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We actually stayed there some time ago. It had recently been updated, according to Sunset Magazine. Bud thought it meant going from gas to electricity!!

      Delete

Your comments make my day, which shows you how boring my life has become.