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Thursday, December 25, 2014

WHY THIS IS BETTER THAN THAT



WHY DOGS ARE BETTER THAN KIDS:


Your dog is not embarrassed if you sing in public.

Dogs don't pester you about getting a kid.

Dogs are housebroken by the time they are 12 weeks old.

Average cost of sending a dog to school: $42

Average cost of sending a kid: $103,000



WHY DOGS ARE BETTER THAN MEN:

Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public.

Dogs always miss you when you are gone.

Dogs feel guilt when they've done something wrong.

Dogs don't feel threatened by your intelligence.

Dogs don't brag about whom they've slept with.

Dogs never laugh at how you throw the ball to them.

Dogs don't complain when you want to go for a walk.

Dogs think you are a culinary genius.

Dogs don't care how you dress.

Dogs don’t care what you look like or how much weight you’ve gained.

Dogs do not care whether or not you shave your legs.

Dogs mean it when they kiss you.

Middle-aged dogs don't feel the need to abandon you for someone younger.



WHY CATS ARE BETTER THAN BOYFRIENDS:
(Sorry for the print size;
blogger is acting up again!!)

Cats never leave the bathroom door open.

They look approximately 5,987 times cuter when they sleep.



They’re happy to turn the lights off when it’s time to go to bed.

You’ll never have to remind a cat to help out with the chores.

Feeling clingy? No problem.

Cats are patient and direct when giving instructions.

Cats take exceptionally good care of their appearance.

Boyfriend bothers you when you’re trying to do work? 
Annoying. 
Cat bothers you when trying to do work? 
THE MOST WELCOME DISTRACTION POSSIBLE.

Fact: a pretentious cat is 400% more tolerable 
than a pretentious boyfriend.

Cats are open to making new friends.

Cats give excellent massages.

Face it…

Your boyfriend will never…
EVER...
be this cute!!


WHY FISH ARE BETTER THAN DOGS OR CATS:

Fish will guard your house.
(This will work even better if you have a moat, piranhas & sharks.)



Fish will not pee on your carpet.

Fish will provide endless amusement for your other pets.

You cannot smell fish farts.


Or hear their snoring:
Fish will amuse themselves.



You can take fish for a walk without a leash.

It is inexpensive to decorate their living quarters.




Fish seldom get sick, & if they do, they are easily cured.





Should the worst happen, a simple ceremony is all that is required.


WHY THANKSGIVING IS BETTER THAN ALL OTHER HOLIDAYS:
All you're expected to do is eat!!








MERRY CHRISTMAS!!



When people say, “This is better than sex” they clearly aren’t having the right kind of sex----fishducky

 






























10 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Fun is my middle name (actually it's Gail)!!

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  2. This might be my favorite post yet. Fish farts cracked me up. Thanks for the fun Christmas morning present.
    Have a wonderful holiday.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Frankly. I find fish farts to be fantastically funny, my friend!!

      Delete
  3. This was a great Christmas present! Thanks, Fran! Merry Christmas to you and yours!! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I hope it was the right size & color!!

      Delete
  4. This was a perfect gift - thank you. And I hope your Christmas is wonderful, full of love, laughter (and loot).

    ReplyDelete
  5. The kitty videos! Awwwww, so very cute.
    One more reason dogs are better than kids. You don't have to dress a dog.
    (and they don't keep growing for 18 years)

    ReplyDelete

Your comments make my day, which shows you how boring my life has become.