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Wednesday, January 8, 2014

WHAT'S FUNNY & STILL MAKES YOU GROAN--BESIDES MY POSTS?



Answer: Puns. Not too many, though, because you don't want your brain to end up like mine!!

The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.

I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island,
but he turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

She was only a whiskey maker,
but he loved her still.

A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class,
because it was a weapon of math disruption.

No matter how much you push the envelope,
it'll still be stationery.

A dog gave birth to puppies near the road
and was cited for littering.

A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France
would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

Two silk worms had a race.
They ended up in a tie.

A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall.
The police are looking into it.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway.
One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'

I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger.
Then it hit me.

A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center
said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

The midget fortune teller who escaped from
prison was a small medium at large.

The soldier who survived mustard gas and
pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

A backward poet writes inverse.

In a democracy it's your vote that counts.
In feudalism it's your count that votes.

If you jumped off the bridge in Paris,
you'd be in Seine.


Two fish swim into a concrete wall.
One turns to the other and says 'Dam!'

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft.
Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak
and heat it, too.

Two hydrogen atoms meet.  One says, 'I've lost my electron.'
The other says, 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'


Why did the cannibal live on his own?
He was fed up with other people.

Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain
during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.



In case those weren't corny enough
here are lots of cartoons:















Did you hear about the dead cabbage?  There was a big turnip at the funeral----fishducky