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Friday, January 10, 2014

RANDOMLY IS APPARENTLY THE WAY MY BRAIN WORKS*

* Although my lawyer husband might say, "Objection!  Assuming a fact not in evidence." 




First, let me attempt to collect my thoughts:













A Charlotte, North Carolina man, having purchased a case of rare, very expensive cigars, insured them against .... get this .... fire. Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of fabulous cigars, and having yet to make a single premium payment on the policy, the man filed a claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the man stated that he had lost the cigars in "a series of small fires." The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason that the man had consumed the cigars in a normal fashion. 

The man sued ... and won!! In delivering his ruling, the judge stated that since the man held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable, and also guaranteed that it would insure the cigars against fire, without defining what it considered to be "unacceptable fire," it was obligated to compensate the insured for his loss. Rather than endure a lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the judge's ruling and paid the man $15,000 for the rare cigars he lost in "the fires." 

After the man cashed his check, however, the insurance company had him arrested... on 24 counts of arson! With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used as evidence against him, the man was convicted of intentionally burning the rare cigars and sentenced to 24 consecutive one year terms.
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A friend of ours wanted us to try some new bread he had discovered that he thought was wonderful.  We declined, explaining to him that we were on a very strict diet.  He insisted it would be fine--in fact, he said, "This bread is made with absolutely no ingredients!!"
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One day, when Bud was "in the mood", he approached me.  I was very busy & asked him if it would take long.  His reply: "Not now!!"
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Did you know that a crocodile can't stick out his tongue?
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A woman decided to have her portrait painted. She told the artist, "Paint me with diamond rings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets, a ruby broach, and a gold Rolex."

"But you’re not wearing any of those things," he replied.

"I know," she said. "It's in case I die before my husband. I'm sure he'll remarry right away, and I want his new wife to go crazy looking for the jewelry." 

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Having trouble getting your man’s attention?

Here are three easy ways I've found: 
1) Turn off the TV,
2) Mute it, or
3) Stand directly in front of it.
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My son & my son-in-law are very good friends.  Some time ago, they were having a minor argument--more like a difference of opinion.  My son-in-law was going on & on when Blake interrupted him to ask, “I don’t understand.  What is your point?”  My son-in-law answered, “Exactly--I have NO point!”  I think that answer alone makes him eligible to be a member of our family.










Déjà Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before----fishducky