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Friday, January 31, 2014

A LITTLE OF THIS & A LOT OF THAT...


Are you obsessive-compulsive?  Do you like to have things in a strict order? Below are some suggestions on how your world might be improved:

Alphabet soup:

Soup in alphabetical order:

Nature's trees:

Do-it-yourself trees:

A busy park:

An orderly park:

A fruit salad:

A fruit salad 
(Not touching other foods):

Average parking lot:

Parking lot, color coded:
biggeekdad.com

I guess you'd really have to have OCD to use this
(yes--it's a real product):

When my sons were in Cub Scouts, they had a friend, Peter.  One day when he was home alone, his dad (who was colorblind) tried a new brand of crackers that his wife had recently purchased.  When he told his wife how much he liked them, she was a little surprised.  They were dog biscuits!!

Several years later, Matt's friend, Ben, deliberately drove his truck the wrong way over the spikes that are supposed to keep people from leaving someplace through the "enter only" lane.  He knew they wouldn't hurt his tires.  WRONG!!

In case you're wondering if other men think this way, let me offer you a statistic: the first testicular guard (cup) used in hockey was in 1874.  It took until 1974, 100 years later, that they  decided also using helmets would be a good idea.  'Nuff said!!
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Three vampires walk into a bar. The bartender looks at them suspiciously, but decides to serve them anyway. "What’ll be, boys?"

The first vampire says "Blood. Give me blood."

The second vampire says "I, too, wish for blood!"

The third vampire says "Give me plasma."

The bartender smiles and says "Got it. Two bloods, and a blood-light."
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This joke doesn't really belong anywhere--I just thought it was funny:

A Scottish old timer is in a bar, talking to a young man.  The old man says: "Lad, look out there to the field.  Do ya see that fence?  Look how well it's built.  I built that fence stone by stone with me own two hands.  I piled it for months.  But do they call me McGreggor-the-Fence-Builder?  Nooo.."   

Then the old man gestured at the bar.  "Look here at the bar.  Do ya see how smooth and just it is?  I planed that surface down by me own achin' back.  I carved that wood with me own hard labor, for eight days. But do they call me McGreggor-the-Bar-Builder? Nooo..."  

Then the old man points out the window.  "Hey, laddy, look out to sea.  Do ya see that pier that stretches out as far as the eye can see?  I built that pier with the sweat off me back.  I nailed it board by board.  But do they call me McGreggor-the-Pier-Builder?  Nooo..."   

Then the old man looks around nervously, trying to make sure no one else is paying attention. He leans closer to the young man and says "But ya f**k one goat.......” 






 


You know what I hate? Indian givers... no, I take that back!!----fishducky