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Friday, March 7, 2014

POOR FRED & SOME OTHER STUFF






A Highway Patrol officer stops a Harley for traveling faster than the posted speed limit. He begins by asking the biker his name. 

'Fred,' he replies. 

'Fred what?' the officer asks. 

'Just Fred,' the man responds. 

The officer, in a good mood, thinks he might just give the biker a break, and write him out a warning instead of a ticket. The officer presses him for the last name.

The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it. The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it. 

'Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?'


The biker replies, 'It's a long story, so stay with me. I was born Fred Johnson. I studied hard and got good grades. When I got older, I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, and finally got my degree, so I was Fred Johnson, MD.

After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school. Dentistry was my dream! Got all the way through school, got my degree, so then I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS.

'Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and she gave me VD, so now I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS, with VD.

'Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS. Then I was Fred Johnson, MD, with VD.

'Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the
VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Johnson with VD.

Then the VD took away my Johnson, so now I am Just Fred.' 

The officer walked away in tears, laughing. 
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Fred was not the only one who was ever in a hurry.  A true story:


Bud & I had taken the kids to Universal Studios.  We were early & waiting in line for the gates to open.  A young couple crowded into line in front of us.  They were alone & not connecting with anyone who was already in the line.  I guess I didn't have too much patience that day, because I found myself saying, in a very loud voice, "May I have everyone's attention, please. These people (& I pointed them out) are obviously more important than we are & are in a big hurry because they cut into the line instead of waiting at the end.  Would everyone just ignore fairness & common courtesy & let them ahead of you, please!"  They left.  I'm never sure what's going to come out of my mouth, but I'm glad that did!!
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Not about being in a hurry, but about my mouth (from an old post) :

When our youngest son got married, he & his wife eloped to Las Vegas.  Soon after their return we threw them a wedding reception.  I decided I had a right to see them get married, so I performed a wedding ceremony.  (No, I am not a minister.)  It was short & went something like this: “Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to reunite this man & this woman in holy matrimony.  Please join hands.  Diane, do you promise to love & honor Blake & to let him have the TV remote control?  ‘I do.’  Blake, do you promise to love & honor Diane & to put the toilet seat down?  ‘I do.’  I now re-pronounce you husband & wife.  You may kiss the bride!”  They were later married (again!) in a Catholic church in Florida, where her family lives.  We had not met her family before.  At the reception at her sister’s home her father told me that he & his wife loved our Blake the first moment they met him.  As I said, sometimes I don’t know what I’m going to say until it comes out of my mouth.  What came out was, “Really?  What do you think of him now?”
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What my grandkids think about me:


Bud & I were at a restaurant with our daughter, her husband & their two teenaged daughters.  One of the girls said that some movie star, I think it was Johnny Depp, was cool.  Their father asked, “What about me?  I’m cool.”  They laughed & told him, “Dad, you’re not cool!”  He asked if their mom was cool.  “No.”  “What about Grandpa?  Is Grandpa cool?”  They thought for a minute & said, “Not really.”  He then asked, “How about Grandma?  Is she…”  Before he could finish his question, they answered, in one voice, “Yeah, Grandma’s cool!”
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I hope you're not in too much of a hurry to watch this:


You've met Aunty Acid--she's at the bottom of each of my posts.
She's the British version of Maxine published by facebook.
I think she's also very wise.  See if you agree:














I'm at the age where you don't meet a lot of new people, unless you happen to drive into their living room----Robert Brault (& fishducky)