Follow

Friday, April 25, 2014

NEED TO DROP A FEW POUNDS?


Hi, everybody. I'm Blake, fishducky's son, & my mom wanted me to let you know what's going on.  You may have noticed that she hasn't left any smart assed responses to your comments this week.  She developed a medical problem the night before Easter which was not connected to her recent surgery.  Without getting too technical, she fell down & went boom, breaking her left arm at the shoulder.  It's too high to cast, so they put her in an immovable sling.  She says it hurts like hell & I believe her!  She hasn't been at the computer since this last episode of klutziness, but I HAVE read her your comments & she hopes (& expects) to be back online Monday -- at least to read, if not actually respond.  Her blogs are written in advance so there should be no break in her posts.

Please continue to leave her comments.  It makes her happy!!


I wasn't always the slim, svelte creature I am today.  
This is me as a baby.

You might consider a diet, if people say things like this to your kids:

Yo mamma's so fat she's got more chins than a Chinese phone book. 

Yo mamma's so fat that when she rolls off the bed, she rolls off BOTH sides. 

Yo mamma's so fat she had to go to Sea World to get baptized. 

Yo mamma's so fat she puts on lipstick with a paint roller. 

Yo mamma's so fat she went to the movies & she sat next to everybody. 

Yo mamma's so fat she was lying on the beach & people tried to throw her back in the ocean.

Yo mamma’s so fat she fell into the Grand Canyon & got stuck. 

Yo mamma's so fat that she stepped on the scale & it read "One at a time, please."

Yo mamma's so fat that her measurements are 36-24-36....... and that's just her left leg. 

Yo mamma's so fat that she sells shade.

Yo mamma's so fat that when she was missing they had to use all 4 sides of the milk carton. 

Yo mamma's so fat the last time she saw 90210 was on the scale. 

Yo mamma's so fat that her driver’s license picture says “To be continued”. 
wikianswers.com

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


A man goes to his doctor after losing a lot of weight.

"I feel great, but I have a problem, doctor.  I was so fat beforehand that my skin has stretched and stayed that long.  Is there anything you can do for me?"

"Hmm, short of plastic surgery, there is only one alternative.  Please take off your clothes."

The man strips down. The doctor pulls all his skin upwards and ties it in a ball above his head.

"But doctor, now my navel is in the middle of my forehead!"

"True," replies the doctor.  "But you should see what you now have for a collar and a tie."
comedycentral.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bob was in trouble as he'd forgot his wedding anniversary & his wife was extremely upset. 

She told him "Tomorrow morning, Friday, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in six seconds!" 

The next morning he got up early & left for work. When his wife woke up she looked out the window &, sure enough, there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. 

Confused, the wife put on her robe, ran out to the driveway, & brought the box back in the house. 

She opened it & found a brand new bathroom scale. 

Bob has been missing since Saturday.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tommy LaSorda, onetime manager of the Los Angeles Dodgers, once was quite heavy.  As I remember, his players complained that if they broke a rule, they had to run three laps around the field--or one lap around LaSorda!!  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

True story: When Bud was in the Army he met John "Combat" "Nails" R----.  He got the name "Combat" by being the only one to go through 16 (instead of 8) weeks of basic training. "Nails" came from when he was found using the only "church key" can opener they had (before the days of pop top cans) to clean his fingernails.  Anyway, John was a passenger in a car & he had some letters to be mailed.  He yelled to the driver, "Stop here!"  He jumped out, mail in hand & ran up to a short, rather stout lady who was wearing a red blouse & blue slacks.  He looked at her & said, "Pardon me, madam, I thought you were a mailbox!" & got back in the car.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The only 2 diet tips that have ever worked for me:

1. Fast on days of the week that end in "y".
2. Eat anything, in any amount, you want.  Just don't swallow. 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

An actual ad: For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.


You might enjoy these:


If he lost a little weight, this wouldn't have happened:













Fat is the past tense of fit----fishducky