Follow

Monday, September 15, 2014

THINGS I KNOW (& SOME THINGS I DON'T KNOW FOR SURE)

I'm thinking of going back to posting 3 times week.
Would you like that?
Do you even care?
Please let me know in the comments.
If I get enough "Yes" comments I'll start next week!!




I KNOW ALL ABOUT THESE THINGS BECAUSE MY MOM TAUGHT ME:

My mom taught me LOGIC... "If you fall off that swing and break your neck, you can't go to the store with me." 
My mom taught me MEDICINE... "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they're going to freeze that way." 

My mom taught me TO THINK AHEAD... "If you don't pass your math test, you'll never get a good job!" 

My mom taught me ESP... "Put your sweater on; don't you think that I know when you're cold?" 

My mom taught me TO MEET A CHALLENGE... "What were you thinking?  Answer me when I talk to you!  Don't talk back to me!" 

My mom taught me HUMOR... "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

My mom taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT... "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up. 

My mom taught me ABOUT SEX... "How do you think you got here?" 

My mom taught me about GENETICS... "You are just like your father!" 

My mom taught me about my ROOTS... "Do you think you were born in a barn?" 

My mom taught me about the WISDOM of AGE... "When you get to be my age, you will understand." 

My mom taught me about ANTICIPATION... "Just wait until your father gets home." 

My mom taught me about RECEIVING... "You're going to get it when we get home." 

And my all-time favorite thing; JUSTICE... "One day you will have kids, and I hope they turn out just like YOU--then you'll see what it's like."



THINGS I'M NOT TOO SURE ABOUT:

What happens if you get scared half to death twice? 


If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex? 

When blondes have more fun, do they know it? 


If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy? 


Is it OK to yell "MOVIE!" in a crowded firehouse?


Can an atheist get insurance against acts of God?




SOME THINGS I HAD TO LEARN FOR MYSELF:

It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere. 

Hard work pays off later. Laziness pays off now! 

When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS.

A closed mouth gathers no foot.

Always be sincere, even if you don't mean it. 

The trouble with life is there's no background music.

Remember, half the people in the world are below average.

Losing a wife or husband can be hard. In some cases, it’s damn near impossible.
arcamax

Sometimes children need help.
Following are some questions for Mom & Dad:


























I know this--if God wanted us to go around naked, He would have made our skin fit better----fishducky