(From my book, "Fishducky's Fables")
Long, long ago there was a Prince whose mother and father told him
it was time to stop playing video games, get off his duff and find a Princess
to marry. He traveled all over the world to find one, but there was
always something wrong. True, when he was in Hollywood he found an attractive
young lady named Desiree, who had the word “Princess” and pictures of anchors
and beautiful flowers and other things on her body, but he had a strong
suspicion that she was not born with them, as she claimed, and that they were
really tattoos. She and her friends showed him a good time, for a nominal
price, but he was never sure whether or not they were real Princesses. So he came home
again and he was sad because he knew his mother and father would be very
disappointed.
One evening there was a terrible storm. There was thunder
and lightning and the rain came down in torrents. It was indeed a fearful
night. In the middle of the storm there was a knock at the castle
door. The Queen went to see who was there because her husband was asleep
on his throne in front of the TV. There was a young lady at the door and
she was soaking wet and in tears. She explained that she was a Princess
and that she and her friends had gotten drunk and had an argument. She
said they had left her stranded and that she had lost her cell phone and didn’t
have enough money for a cab to get her home. She said she had seen their
“vacancy” sign and asked if she could spend the night there, free. After
all, she was a Princess!
“We shall soon see if that is true,” thought
the Queen and she said, “Sure, honey, come on in. You can use the guest
room. But first, maybe you’d like a long soak in a nice warm tub.”
“Okay,” said the Princess, graciously accepting the offer. While her
guest was in the tub, the Queen called the local bedding store and ordered
twenty feather mattresses to be delivered immediately. She knew she would
get a good deal there because she had heard of the owner’s promise, "Sit 'n’ Sleep will
beat anyone's price or your mattress is freeeee!” She placed a pea on the
old mattress and had her servants place the twenty new mattresses on top.
The Princess finished her bath, said “nighty-night” and with a ladder and the
help of the servants, climbed into bed.
The next morning the Princess joined the
Queen, the King and their son, the Prince, at breakfast. The Princess
said that her porridge needed salt and that her eggs were overcooked and
besides that, the biscuits were cold. She asked who she had to kiss to
get another cup of coffee. The Queen asked her if she had slept
well. The Princess said, “I hate to complain, but I didn’t sleep a
wink. There must have been a boulder in that bed. I just could not get comfortable! I’m all
black and blue. The storm was so loud and I didn’t like the color of the
quilt. Where’s your phone? I have to call my father to pick me
up. I don’t want to stay here another minute. This place is
tacky. You really should get a decorator!”
When the Princess left to use the phone,
the Queen said to her son, “You should ask her to marry you. She’s
obviously a real Princess. No one else would have a mouth like
that!” He told her that he had no interest in marrying a woman who was
concerned only with her own wants and needs. Instead, he flew back to
Hollywood, found Desiree and married her. She quit her public service job
(she thought of her work that way, because she was servicing the public) and they lived
happily ever after.
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One nice thing about
egotists: they don't talk about other people.----fishducky
