(From my book, "Fishducky's Fables")
Long, long ago there was a Prince whose mother and father told him it was time to stop playing video games, get off his duff and find a Princess to marry. He traveled all over the world to find one, but there was always something wrong. True, when he was in Hollywood he found an attractive young lady named Desiree, who had the word “Princess” and pictures of anchors and beautiful flowers and other things on her body, but he had a strong suspicion that she was not born with them, as she claimed, and that they were really tattoos. She and her friends showed him a good time, for a nominal price, but he was never sure whether or not they were real Princesses. So he came home again and he was sad because he knew his mother and father would be very disappointed.
One evening there was a terrible storm. There was thunder and lightning and the rain came down in torrents. It was indeed a fearful night. In the middle of the storm there was a knock at the castle door. The Queen went to see who was there because her husband was asleep on his throne in front of the TV. There was a young lady at the door and she was soaking wet and in tears. She explained that she was a Princess and that she and her friends had gotten drunk and had an argument. She said they had left her stranded and that she had lost her cell phone and didn’t have enough money for a cab to get her home. She said she had seen their “vacancy” sign and asked if she could spend the night there, free. After all, she was a Princess!
“We shall soon see if that is true,” thought the Queen and she said, “Sure, honey, come on in. You can use the guest room. But first, maybe you’d like a long soak in a nice warm tub.” “Okay,” said the Princess, graciously accepting the offer. While her guest was in the tub, the Queen called the local bedding store and ordered twenty feather mattresses to be delivered immediately. She knew she would get a good deal there because she had heard of the owner’s promise, "Sit 'n’ Sleep will beat anyone's price or your mattress is freeeee!” She placed a pea on the old mattress and had her servants place the twenty new mattresses on top. The Princess finished her bath, said “nighty-night” and with a ladder and the help of the servants, climbed into bed.
The next morning the Princess joined the Queen, the King and their son, the Prince, at breakfast. The Princess said that her porridge needed salt and that her eggs were overcooked and besides that, the biscuits were cold. She asked who she had to kiss to get another cup of coffee. The Queen asked her if she had slept well. The Princess said, “I hate to complain, but I didn’t sleep a wink. There must have been a boulder in that bed. I just could not get comfortable! I’m all black and blue. The storm was so loud and I didn’t like the color of the quilt. Where’s your phone? I have to call my father to pick me up. I don’t want to stay here another minute. This place is tacky. You really should get a decorator!”
When the Princess left to use the phone, the Queen said to her son, “You should ask her to marry you. She’s obviously a real Princess. No one else would have a mouth like that!” He told her that he had no interest in marrying a woman who was concerned only with her own wants and needs. Instead, he flew back to Hollywood, found Desiree and married her. She quit her public service job (she thought of her work that way, because she was servicing the public) and they lived happily ever after.
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One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.----fishducky