Follow

Friday, October 3, 2014

THE BEST, ACCORDING TO ME

Before I start this post I'd like to share some good news.
I broke my arm in April & it didn't heal properly, 
so I wasn't able to pull up my own underwear.  
Until last week when I tried, I had this problem--but not with my socks.

I can now pull them up by myself!!

 And now, today's post:



(Sometimes it's hard to decide on a favorite, so I may put in more than one.)

The best set of hotel rules:

 The best outgoing phone message:


The best truth in advertising:

 The best veterinarian’s sign:

 The best title for a diet book:

 The best way for retirees to amuse themselves:

 The best birdbath:

 The best doormat:


The best exercise poster:

 The best excuse for not cooking dinner:

 The best way to prepare a turkey:

The best recipe correction:

The best advice for a cold cure:

 The best request for marital advice:

 The best marital advice from a man:






 The best revenge (on a small child):


When Blake was about 2, the kids were having lunch & I was at the sink, with my back to them.  He knocked over his glass & spilled his milk.  I wiped it up & poured him some more.  He knocked over his glass again, & again I wiped it up & poured him more.  I warned him not to do it again or he would be sorry.  I watched him out of the corner of my eye as he deliberately knocked it over one more time.  I picked up the gallon milk bottle (which had probably a quart or so left in it) & emptied it on his head!  Childish, I know, but it made a beautiful waterfall—or, I guess, a milkfall.  He didn’t even cry—he just sat there with his little mouth hanging open in amazement as the milk cascaded from his head.  As far as I know, none of our kids ever deliberately knocked over their milk again.  Not while I was in the room, anyway.




The best name for a dog is "Dammit".  Then you can say, "Here, Dammit!", "Come, Dammit!", "Stay, Dammit!" or whatever else you want (even around your minister)----fishducky