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Friday, November 7, 2014

SCIENCE & CHEMISTRY--A POST FOR NERDS


I know very little about science or chemistry, so I thought I might as well write a post about them. Not write a post, exactly--just a bunch of jokes & cartoons.  (For that, I am eminently qualified!!)

Q. If H-two-O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?
A. H-two-O cubed. 

Q. Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
A. They're cheaper than day rates.

Q. Why do chemists call helium, curium & barium the medical elements?
A. Because if you can't helium or curium, you barium!!

Q. Why is potassium a racist element?
A. If you put three of them together, you get KKK.

Q. What is the most important thing a student can learn in chemistry class?
A. Never lick the spoon!!
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Investigators at a major research institute have discovered the heaviest element known to science. This startling new discovery has been tentatively named Administratium (Ad).

The new element has no protons or electrons, thus having an atomic number of 0. It does, however, have 1 neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons, and 111 assistant vice neutrons, for an atomic mass of 312.  These 312 particles are held together by a force called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since it has no electrons, Administratium is inert.

However, it can be detected as it impedes every reaction with which it came into contact.  According to the discoverers, a minute amount of Administratium causes one reaction to take over four days to complete when it would normally take less than a second.   Administratium has a normal half-life of approximately three years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons, vice neutrons, and assistant vice neutrons exchange places.  In fact, an Administratium sample's mass will actually increase over time, since with each reorganization some of the morons inevitably become neutrons, forming new isotopes.   This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to speculate that Administratium is formed whenever morons reach a certain concentration.   This hypothetical quantity is referred to as the "Critical Morass". 
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A man, complaining of headaches, entered a hospital for diagnostic tests. A doctor examined the results for a brain scan and told the patient, "I have bad news and good news for you. The bad news is that you have a serious brain disease and will die without treatment. The good news is that this hospital has developed a new procedure for brain transplants and due to a car accident this morning two 'fresh' brains are available: one is from a taxi driver and the other is from a scientist. The brain of the taxi driver costs $225,000, while that of the scientist is only $29.95." 

Puzzled, the patient asked, "Why is the scientist's brain was so much cheaper?" 

The doctor replied, "It's used."
jupiterscientific.org 


This is interesting!!

A test for you:






























Should I consider this post a failed experiment?----fishducky