Monday, December 29, 2014


Me--hard at work:

International symbol for marriage:

(A reworked post from July, 2012.)

I have an easy job.  I'm off Monday through Friday & I don't work weekends.  I must be doing a good job, because I just got a raise!!  You might be able to find a position like this--just check the want ads under "Jewish American Princess wanted".  (Warning: You may have to sleep with your boss!!) 

Being married to Bud is the ideal job for me.  I don’t like pressure.   Take the unnecessary pressure of having to get dressed every morning, whether or not you’re going anywhere.  My husband came up with an easy solution for himself.  He doesn’t.    He simply puts on a polo shirt--& there he is, in tighty-whities & polo shirt.  It used to bother me, & then I thought—why not try it?  At first, I would stay in my pajamas until 10:00 am, when I felt I had to dress.  Then my deadline went to noon, & then 2:00,   & then 4:00 when I realized I was putting too much pressure on myself.  I didn’t need this stinking pressure!!  Now I quite often stay in my pajamas all day.

I used to work outside the house.  Bud was in the Army & stationed at Fort Ord when we were married.  I got a job as a dental assistant on the post.  My boss was Dr. Joe Stewart, who was from Anniston, Alabama.  Languages & accents are fun for me.  I tend to “parrot” them without realizing it.  Bud told me that I was beginning to speak with a southern accent.    I told Dr. Stewart what Bud had said & he responded, “So what?   Why’s he complainin’?  Y’all talkin’ right fo’ the first time in yo’ life!!”

A little more on Dr. Stewart: He used to do dental work under general anesthesia on Wednesday mornings.  One day he asked me if I’d like to watch.  I told him I would.  I got scrubbed & gowned, went in & stood a few feet from the table as he started to work.  He told me I couldn’t see well enough from there & that I should move closer.  I did.  He said that I still wasn’t close enough.  I moved again.  Not close enough. I moved again & by this time I was right next to the patient’s head.  Dr. Stewart said that if I was going to stand that close I might as well help & slapped a suction hose into my hand.  I assisted him in surgery from that Wednesday on.

I wasn’t planning on writing this much about Dr. Stewart, but I just remembered this:  Almost all of our patients were children.  Their parents could be with them while we worked if they wanted.  When he was about to start, he would usually say, “Open your mouth & let’s take a peek.”  Usually.  One time, however, with the mother there, he slipped.  What came out was, “Open your mouth & let’s take a leak.”  It broke the two of us up—mommy didn’t hear it. 

Bud has been retired from his successful law practice for many years now.  One of his first clients was a woman who was accused of shoplifting.  Her defense was that while she was walking past the meat counter in a supermarket, some lamb chops jumped into her purse.  With much difficulty (& the surveillance photos), he finally convinced her to plead guilty.  He also had a client who (allegedly) wrote a series of bad checks.  He got her off, but he wasn’t stupid.  He insisted she pay him in cash!!

When our oldest son, Matt, was first married he was the Assistant Travel Director for the San Francisco Giants baseball team.  He had to go to all the games, both home & away, & his new bride missed him when he was gone.  His mind works like mine (I’m sorry, Matt) & he came up with a solution.  They should get a large dog, like a boxer.  He figured that the dog could lay on the couch & sleep, snore & drool--with one paw on the remote.  That way, she’d never know he was gone!!

My mother-in-law graduated high school at 15, went to college & law school--& had to wait to take the bar exam because she wasn’t yet 21.  There weren’t very many openings for female attorneys in those days, so she decided to take the civil service exam so she could get a job as a court clerk.  The exam consisted of many, many questions—most of them having no bearing on her prospective job.  She was not prone to sarcasm, but I guess she had had enough when she got to the question: “If the distance from the earth to the moon is approximately 1,256,640,000 feet & a ball of string has 750 feet of string, how many balls of string would it take to reach from the earth to the moon?”  Her answer was “Balls & balls & balls--& that goes for the rest of your damn questions, too!!”  I guess she was right.  She got the job. 

My father-in-law was a musician.  He used to be the leader of the house orchestra at the Saltair Hotel in Salt Lake City.  The hotel had a publicity photo made with his picture—handsome devil that he was, in his tux--& the words, “Ladies!  Get a free autographed picture of Phil F------!!”  Matt, who was about 10 or 12, was visiting his grandfather with a friend.  Phil showed the boys the picture & they said, “Big deal!  A free picture of Grandpa Phil!”  He smiled his devilish smile & said, “I wasn’t always Grandpa Phil!”  He was quite the dude.  He liked to wear a grey pinstripe suit, white shirt with French cuffs, a silk tie--& red socks.
A boss's perspective on a day off:

So, you want the day off? Let's take a look at what you are asking for.

There are 365 days per year available for work. There are 52 weeks a year in which you already get 2 days off per week, leaving 261 days available for work. Since you spend 16 hours each day away from work, you have used up 170 days, leaving 91 days available.

You spend 30 minutes a day on a coffee break. That accounts for 23 days each year, leaving only 68 days available.

With one Hour for lunch period each day you use up another 46 days, leaving only 22 days available to work. You normally spend 2 days a year for sick leave. This leaves you only 20 days available for work. We are off for 5 holidays per year, so your available working time is down to 15 days.

We generously give you 2 weeks off for vacation per year.

This only leaves 1 day available for work.

And I'll be damned if you're going to take that day off!

If you need flexible hours
you can apply here:

If I don't sign off now I'll have to put in for overtime----fishducky