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Friday, January 9, 2015

APPLICATION FOR FAMILY MEMBERSHIP






The first part is from several previous posts.

Bud & I love to travel--& take family & friends with us.  Thank heaven he’s been successful & we can afford it.  (I did NOT marry a rich Jewish attorney.  When we got married in 1955, he had about $200.00 & I was the rich one—I think I had about $500.00.)

In 1971, while we were still poor, we borrowed my sister-in-law’s station wagon & loaded my other sister-in-law’s 3 kids & our 3 kids (all aged 5-11) & drove to the Grand Canyon, Las Vegas, Bryce & Zion National Parks.  That meant there were 8 of us at every meal.   It always took 2 people to bring us our order.  One night a waitress brought our entire order on one tray.  We applauded!  A couple of days later, Blake was reminiscing.  He asked, “Do you remember when we gave that waitress the clap?”  (I have absolutely no idea where he’d heard that term.)  People would ask the kids if they were all one family.  They’d tell them yes, but that we had left the little ones at home.  They were also asked if their parents had no TV.  They assigned imaginary horses to each of us.  Bud’s horse’s name was Dammit.  My niece once told him, “Uncle Buddy, that man’s calling your horse!”  I had been to the Grand Canyon once before, when I was about 10.  My brother, who was 12, wanted to spit into the canyon because that was the only place he could spit over a mile.  My mother panicked.  I laughed.  When our brood got there, I turned into my mother.  They could be 50’ from the rim & I was terrified.  I told Bud to watch them & I would wait in the car so as not to spoil their trip.


For both my 60th & 65th birthdays Bud took me & a bunch of our friends on an overnight flight to Las Vegas & gave them each $50 in silver dollars to play with--I got MUCH more.

In 1982 we took 18 family members (& 2 secretaries) to Hawaii for 2 weeks.  We had T-shirts made with my duck wearing a lei.  The shirts said FISCHER’S FLYAWAY.  If you’re familiar with Maui, you’ll know the Pioneer Inn.  We went there for their famous macadamia nut pancakes one morning.  They had broken our group up & had seated us at 5 tables throughout the patio.  When it was time to pay, Bud got 6 checks.  He asked the waiter who told him to give us their bill.  The waiter pointed to our other 4 tables & to one with people we didn’t know.  When we confronted him, the guy laughed & said, “Hey, it was worth a try!  When your kids got their checks, they told the waiter to give them to you.  So did I.”  We have taken a couple more of these family group trips to Hawaii since our grandchildren were born.

On our last trip to Hawaii I had all the females in our group come down to the hotel lobby so they could select a pendant from a booth there.  They were acrylic & came in many color mixes. Nameless got one that was white, black & turquoise. This is the one I chose, which I wear often. It's about an inch & a half long:



Two years later--1984--we took our whole group (including the secretaries) on an Alaskan cruise.  There were 4 generations represented, from my father & Bud’s parents to their first great-grandchild, who celebrated his first birthday on the ship.  We had baseball caps & windbreakers made with my duck on a cruise ship & the words FISCHER’S FLOTILLA.  We told them the next trip would probably be FISCHER’S FLUSH—we would all go down the toilet together!!


In 2000, we took our daughter, son-in-law & grandchildren to Washington, DC to see the 4th of July fireworks from the steps of the Lincoln Memorial.  MAGNIFICENT!!  We toured Washington & then went on to Philadelphia where we met up with one of our sons & his wife & children.  We were standing in line to see the Liberty Bell.  (I touched it!  You weren’t supposed to, but I couldn’t help myself.)  Our 4 grandchildren were between 2 & 8 years old at the time & not very good at standing in line, so I was constantly carrying one or another of them on my shoulders.  When we got to the front of the line I asked my 5 year old granddaughter how my hair looked.  I was kidding—I knew how bad my hair had to be after all those kids had their hands in it.  She looked at me & lovingly said, “It looks just like it always does, Grandma!”

Probably something like this,
but without the nose ring:



The reason I brought this all up is because, after hearing about these trips, many people have asked how they could become members of our family.  Unfortunately, I always had to tell them that we were full.  Now we have room for a limited number of new members!!  If you are interested in joining us, please fill out the application below & email it to me.  Hurry—space is limited!!

 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
APPLICATION FOR FAMILY MEMBERSHIP

Name & birthdate: ______________________________________________

Names of people you want to bring with you; their birthdays & other occasions when they would expect a gift (I am limiting this space so don’t get greedy.):
_______________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________

Are you an asset to your present family?  Yes__ No__
If not, why do you think you’d be an asset to ours?
_______________________________________________________________

This position requires travel (i.e., free vacations, etc.).  Do you have a fear of flying?  Yes__ No__
If the flight is crowded, do you have any objections to sitting outside on the wing?  Yes__ No__

Are you weird in any way?  This could be an asset.  Yes__ No__
If yes, please elaborate:
_______________________________________________________________


Would you be willing to lay down your life for me?  Yes__ No__
If no, why not?
_______________________________________________________________


How much money do you have in your bank account (for accounting purposes only)? $________   
Would you be willing to sign it over to me?  Yes__ No__

Would it upset you if I took out an insurance policy on your life?  Yes__ No__

Please answer the following simple questions so I can see if you would fit in:

1. Which is bigger?
    a. Summer
    b. Red
    c. A box
    d. I couldn't care less  

2. Elephants can’t fly because
    a. They refuse to take lessons
    b. Their trunks get caught in the engines
    c. Seat belts aren’t large enough
    d. Who gives a s**t?

3. A train is traveling east at 100 mph from Los Angeles to New York.  Another train is      traveling west from New York to Los Angeles at the same speed on the same track.  Where &  when will they collide?
    a. Somewhere in the Pacific Ocean
    b. Somewhere in the Atlantic Ocean
    c. I don’t care because I would have taken a plane
    d. I have no idea      


The correct answers were all d.  How many did you get right? ___



Please include a blank signed check.  (Required)    

Sign here______________________________

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~







Don’t worry about carrying too many suitcases; a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single schlep----fishducky

 



19 comments:

  1. Those conditions sound entirely reasonable to me. Even generous. Mind you, a blank cheque on my account would give you any travel miles. Inches perhaps...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wouldn't give you any travel miles. My fingers were suffering from wishful dyslexia.

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    2. Who said anything about travel miles? I'm looking for cold, hard cash!!

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  2. I love the matching t-shirts! :)

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    Replies
    1. My family loves to be smartly dressed when travelling!!

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  3. I got all the D answers right first shot.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Smarte peepol lik yu wud fitt wel in are fambly--send yur chek!!

      Delete
  4. Seems to me it is just as easy to be a secretary to get all the travel benefits. You guys are great bosses. Where is that application? I can type a little.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bud is retired--no more secretaries!!

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  5. You wouldn't want me in your family. Your food bill would be too high.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Isn't your check big enough to cover food?

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  6. Ducky, you are just amazing with all your thoughts and cartoons. So much fun to read your blog. I'll bet you created many memories for family and friends.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Wow, you sure have done a lot of traveling, and to neat places, too. Our "biggie" travel involves going to Disney World, but only because one of our sons works in the corporate office, and we can get in for free. Not that we're cheap, mind you. Just thrifty Yeah, that's it.Thrifty.

    I guessed all Ds, and I'm definitely weird. Obviously I'm already a long-lost family member.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I hear you might be going to Iceland--a place where my webbed feet have never trod!!

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  8. $700 WOW! in 1955 that was a lot of money...well you could have bought a VW bug with it.
    They do sound like fun trips.

    BTW, I'm so afraid of heights I got queasy looking at the cartoon.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I wasn't afraid as a kid but I am NOW!!

      Delete
  9. I'll skip the application, I'm happy enough just being part of your virtual family.
    I like that cartoon that says "we'll bring up your file and see where you haven't been", that's you and Bud alright.
    Also, I think parachutes for the Grand Canyon are a great idea!

    ReplyDelete

Your comments make my day, which shows you how boring my life has become.