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Thursday, January 29, 2015

HOW DOES YOUR GARDEN GROW?




I must have a green thumb--not one of my silk plants has ever died.


Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it.  If it comes out of the ground easily, it is/was a valuable plant.

I have a planter of ivy in my guest bathroom.  It is probably over 20 years old.  Many of my other plants did not survive childhood, but I once had a chia pet that lived to a ripe old age. 

You could grow your own veggies & eat healthily, but remember, good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

My secret to always having healthy beautiful blooming green plants in my home--when the old ones die, I buy new ones.


A weed is a plant that has mastered every survival skill except for learning how to grow in rows.

The four seasons are salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

If only I could grow green stuff in my garden like I can in my refrigerator.

Old gardeners never die, they just vegetate.

Two older ladies were sitting on a park bench outside the local town hall where a flower show was in progress.  One leaned over and said, "Life is so boring. We never have any fun anymore. For $5.00 I'd take my clothes off right now and streak through that stupid flower show!"  "You're on!" said the other old lady, holding up a $5.00 bill.  As fast as she could, the first little old lady fumbled her way out of her clothes and, completely naked, streaked through the front door of the flower show.  Waiting outside, her friend soon heard a huge commotion inside the hall, followed by loud applause. The naked lady burst out through the door surrounded by a cheering crowd. "What happened?" asked her waiting friend. "I won first prize for Best Dried Arrangement."

If, instead of talking to your plants, you yelled at them, would they still grow, only to be troubled and insecure?

Some interesting quotes:
"You can lead a horticulture but you can't make her think."--Dorothy Parker

"Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon."--Doug Larson
  
"I have a rock garden.  Last week three of them died."--Richard Diran

"I have no plants in my house.  They won't live for me.  Some of them don't even wait to die, they commit suicide."--Jerry Seinfeld 
















If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?----fishducky

 


23 comments:

  1. I need one of those crack hoes :)

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  2. So funny, girlfriend....my hubby is a master gardener, so I'll have to share this with him!

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  3. Best dried arrangement...snort.

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  4. Now where are my bacon seeds? LOL! ;)

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  5. Love the weed test and the impatients.

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    1. I don't know why impatiens are always so impatient!!

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  6. Determined gardener here who refuses to be set back by repeated failure. Loved Dorthy Parker and Doug Larson's quotes.

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    1. You're a better man than I, Gunga Din!!

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  7. How I would have like to spend an evening with Dorothy Parker.
    At the moment my weeds are thriving. They may not be in rows, but there are so many that no-one could tell. They are also murderers, strangling the more delicate (and expensive) plants. Strangling and smothering and if that fails simply eating all the plant nutrients and starving the others...

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    1. I think I'd be afraid to try & pull out your weeds!!

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  8. Now I know what "organically grown" means. Grown in poop.

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  9. If I plant seeds, nothing grows unless it's oregano or dill. I bought quite a few plants last fall. All are flourishing except the one by the front door who died and will be replaced in the spring. I was at the flower show. I won the award for best boobs. Really simple, I know, but true.

    Love,
    Janie

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    1. I assume you didn't grow your boobs from seeds!!

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    2. I don't know how they grew. They just appeared and fed babies.

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  10. Your opening picture had me laughing so hard the cat got startled and shot out of the room. I'm sending that one straight to my daughter!
    I love this whole post.

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    Replies
    1. This post can be dangerous for cats & other furry creatures!!

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Your comments make my day, which shows you how boring my life has become.