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Friday, January 23, 2015

MOOOO INTERNATIONAL







(This was sent to me by Susan at http://susan-swiderski.blogspot.com.  Thank  you, Susan!!)

DEMOCRATS
You have two cows
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.
Barbara Streisand sings for you.
        ------------------------------------------------
REPUBLICAN
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none. So?
        -----------------------------------------------
SOCIALIST
You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.
          ------------------------------------------------
COMMUNIST
You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
 You wait in line for hours to get it.
 It is expensive and sour.
          ------------------------------------------------
CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
          --------------------------------------------
DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.
          ------------------------------------------------
 BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
 You have two cows.
The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, and then pours the milk down the drain. 
          ------------------------------------------------
AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.
You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead.
You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses.
Your stock goes up.
          ------------------------------------------------
FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
You go to lunch and drink wine. Life is good.
          ------------------------------------------------
JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.   They learn to travel on unbelievably  crowded trains.
Most are at the top of their class at cow school.
          ---------------------------------------------
 GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.
          -----------------------------------------------
 ITALIAN CORPORATION
While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You break for lunch. Life is good.
          ------------------------------------------------
RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have some vodka.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You have some more vodka.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.
          ----------------------------------------------
TALIBAN CORPORATION
 You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.
 You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts.
Then you kill them and claim a US bomb blew them up while they were in the hospital.
          ------------------------------------------------
IRAQI CORPORATION
You have two cows.
They go in hiding.
They send radio tapes of their mooing.
          ---------------------------------------------
FLORIDA CORPORATION
You have a black cow and a brown cow
Everyone votes for the best looking one.
Some of the people who like the brown one best, vote for the black one.
Some people vote for both. Some people vote for neither. Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
Finally, a bunch of guys from out of state tell you which is the best-looking cow.
          ------------------------------------------------
CALIFORNIA CORPORATION
You have millions of cows.
Most are illegals.
Arnold likes the ones with the big tits.

My all time favorite video:














Déjà Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before----fishducky

 



17 comments:

  1. Oh, my...having been raised on a farm with cows, I really loved this post about all these animals. The video is really funny, but I love the jokes. It is an udderly hilarious post, FD.

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    Replies
    1. I'm glad it put you in a good mooooood!!

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  2. I'm glad I don't have a cow. Don't tell anyone about my chickens :)

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  3. Who new cows could be so much fun and so good with guns.....best video ever.

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    1. Good Lord...that's KNEW. Someone just shoot me now.

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    2. I'm confused--do you want the Cows With Guns to shoot you now?

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  4. And that is why Bart Simpson say's "Don't have a cow, man."

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    Replies
    1. I've always considered Bart the voice of reason!!

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  5. Cows with guns--OMG! Now I have that earworm. LOL! :)

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  6. The "two cows" is scarily accurate.

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    Replies
    1. That's our government in action--or is it inaction?

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  7. Why now brown cow? Funny. Lots of humor here, as there always is when this much grass is around.

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    Replies
    1. I feel it's my job to provide the fertilizer!!

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  8. love the Japanese cow model, small and productive.
    Cows with Guns is one of my favourites, it was a big hit here in Australia for a few weeks.
    It's on my Musical Monday list.
    I had a good laugh here, thanks.

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    Replies
    1. I've had that video for over 5 years--my son's late father-in-law sent it to me!!

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Your comments make my day, which shows you how boring my life has become.