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Wednesday, February 25, 2015

IF I HAD ONLY KNOWN...



Who knew?


(A reworked post from October 2012)

IF I HAD ONLY KNOWN…
            
…I probably wouldn’t have gone to Chippendale’s years ago with a group of my friends.  I knew they had male strippers—that’s not what bothered me.  It’s just that I felt so old.  One of the acts was the Unknown Stripper.  He danced with a paper bag over his head but I would have known him anywhere.  I used to babysit him when he was little.
Upper row, third from left, is NOT me :(


…how good (not!) the service was at H. Salt Fish & Chips, I don’t think I would have gone there with my kids.  I had just finished a diet & was craving fried food.  I love fish & chips, so off we went.  The kids got theirs & were happily chomping down while I waited for my order.  They had apparently thought I’d ordered one piece of hot fish & one cold.  I hadn’t.  I took my plate back to the counter & asked for another piece of hot fish.  I was told they couldn’t take back the cold fish because I had already tasted it.  I asked them how I was supposed to know it was cold if I didn’t taste it.  This went back & forth until I asked to see the manager.  They said was on his way in, so I waited 20 minutes, getting more pissed off every second.  He heard my story & told the cashier to give me my money back.  As I was walking out the door the cashier asked, in a very “smartassy” voice, if I was satisfied now.  I told her no, that I hadn’t gotten the tax.  She threw it at me & said, “Don’t come back!”  (I wrote a letter of complaint to KFC, which was their parent company. They sent me an apology & coupons for free fried chicken.)

…there’s no way I would have told my young granddaughters to look at the beautiful full moon while riding in my daughter’s car.  My daughter (the perfectionist) said, “It’s not a full moon.  It’s only 27/28ths.”  I told her it was full enough for me!

…I’m sure I wouldn’t have made swiss steak when I did for my husband & his friends.  He was in the Army at the time & the day before I had a wisdom tooth removed on the post.  My mouth didn’t hurt at all & I was able to chew my food without pain.  The problem was that I could only open my mouth far enough to insert very thin food.  Swiss steak has to be a minimum thickness to cook properly, & it wasn’t thin enough to put into my mouth.  They told me it was delicious.

…I would have brought a camera to Lawry’s when Bud took the kids & me there to celebrate my birthday.  The kids had ordered me a cake, shaped like this, of course, & had “Happy Birthday” written on the top.
 
This was before cameras in cellphones—actually before cellphones, themselves.  An Asian gentleman who was sitting at the next table--with a camera hanging around his neck--jumped up & said, (& I quote PRECISELY) “Maybe I help?  I am Japanese tourist!”  He took a picture, got my name & address & promised to send it to me. Unfortunately, I never got it. 














If I had only known that I would live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself----fishducky

 



24 comments:

  1. The teaching hospital cartoon made me howl with laughter.
    R

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  2. Love the romantic dog.

    That manager should be fired too,for leaving the resturant for a butt head to run.

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    1. I guess there will ALWAYS be butt heads! A Google review for that same location:
      A Google User
      6 years ago-
      Fish great. Chips OK. Decor so so. Parking lot a nightmare. Attitude was arrogant. Extra cost signs prominent for extra tartar etc.

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  3. I've often wondered what the purpose of my life is...now I know lol.

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  4. I'm with Rick on the teaching hospital thing. I often wonder about dental school students. Really? How do they learn?

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    1. I don't know!! I DO know I'm afraid of a place that advertises "Brain Surgery While U Wait"!!

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    2. Dental School students learn their theory from books, then practise things like giving needles and cleaning teeth on each other, when it comes time to learn drilling and filling etc, here in Australia they get practical experience by doing dental work for pensioners who qualify for the Government dental scheme. They pay a minimal amount to cover the cost of the work, but you have to be on the waiting list until your name makes it to the top of the list.

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  5. The unknown stripper? Sounds rather raunchy! The Asian gentlemen probably thought "attractive lady, I will say I will send it to her, but I will keep it so I never forget what true beauty looks like" What do you think?

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    Replies
    1. It's AMAZING that you read his mind so accurately!!

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  6. Ahh mistakes we all make them.
    Merle..........

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    Replies
    1. My husband thought he'd made a mistake once, then decided he was wrong!!

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  7. The dog not in heat made me do the old LOL and scared my own dog with my giggle. She isn't in heat either.

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  8. I like the notion that if we're supposed to learn from our mistakes we should make as many as possible.

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  9. If the purpose of mistakes is to learn, then I am very learned person. LOL

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  10. If only I had known, I would have taken the secretarial course in high school so at least I could type better now. On the other hand, if only I had known, I would have pushed to stay in school, not left when dad said I was at leaving age so didn't have to go to school anymore.
    If only I had known, I would have worked and saved for a few years after the wedding instead of going straight into babymaking.

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    Replies
    1. At least making--but not raising--the babies is more fun than working!!

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  11. The only Chippendale I want to see is my Willy. We went to a barbecue once where Bob Dole was the guest of honor. A bail bondsman (?) who was in attendance took a photo of Bob with X and The Hurricane. He wrote down our name and address and mailed it to us. I wish he would have thought to take away X at the same time.

    Love,
    Janie

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    Replies
    1. If not for X, The Hurricane wouldn't exist--so he DID serve a purpose!!

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Your comments make my day, which shows you how boring my life has become.