Follow

Tuesday, February 10, 2015

WOT DID U LERN IN SKOOL TODAY?




The following is a compliation collexion compendiom bunch of statements that ArcaMax put together from actual grade school papers.  I was not as smart as these students but I did learn that history repeats itself.  For example, I had a chili dog yesterday, so it’s now history & it’s certainly repeating itself.  Read on—maybe you’ll learn something.  










1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in Hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and the climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere. 

2. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada. 

3. Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines. 

4. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had Myths. A Myth is a female moth. 

5. Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but by another man of that name. 

6. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death his career suffered a dramatic decline. 

7. Eventually the Romans conquered the Greeks. History calls people Romans because they never stayed in one place for long. 

8. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made King. Dying, he gasped out: 'Tee hee, Brutus.' 

9. Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized by Bernard Shaw. Finally Magna Carta provided that no man should be hanged twice for the same offense. 

10. Another story was William Tell who shot an arrow through an apple while standing on his son's head. 
11. Queen Elizabeth was the 'Virgin Queen.' As a Queen she was a great success. When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted 'hurrah.' 

12. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes and started smoking. 

13. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an example of heroic couplet. 

14. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained. 

15. One of the causes of the Revolutionary War was the English put tacks in their tea. Also the colonists would send their parcels through the post without stamps. Finally the colonists won the war and no longer had to pay for taxis. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the contented congress. Thomas Jefferson and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the declaration of independence. Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backwards and declared, 'A horse divided against itself cannot stand.' Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead. 

16. Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster which he kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was half German and Half Italian and half English. He was very large. 

17. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died from this. 

18. The ninteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts and inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing by machine. The invention of the steam boat caused a network of rivers to spring up. Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did the work of a hundred men. 

19. Louis Paster discovered a cure for rabbis. Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the organ of the species. Madam Curie discovered radio. And Karl Marx became one of the Marx Brothers. 

20. The first world war, caused by the assignation of the Arch-Duck by an anahist, ushered in a new error in the anals of human history. 

This video says it's the ABC song in 8 different languages,
but the Japanese one is missing.

If you'd like to learn it in sign language,










I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx----fishducky







22 comments:

  1. Sometimes keeping a straight face would be one of the hardest jobs for a teacher.
    Loved these - and am very glad to hear that I can only be hung once.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I believe that should be "hanged"--there are those who are naturally hung!!

      Delete
  2. Joan of Arc burnt to a steak??
    Lots of giggles here today, thanks.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Actually, she was ROASTED over an open flame--the only other alternative would have been to CHOP her head off!!

      Delete
  3. Not the Arch=Duck....nooooooooo. I don't know how you manage to come up with so many of these great little anecdotes and cartoons. You make my day. Please don't ever stop.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Some come straight from my mind, some are sent to me & God bless my search engine!!

      Delete
  4. Chuckled all through the history interpretations by children. They were much more fun than the real stuff. Priceless.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Do you think the words "history" & "hysterical" share the same root?

      Delete
  5. I have to ask if the Arch-Duck is related to you? These are so funny, with the misinterpretation of events in history. Have a great day!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have heard some stories about the Arch-Duchess being a fish, so I suppose it might be possible!!

      Delete
  6. This all sounds like a Norm Crosby routine. He was the king of the mal-appropriates.

    And I think in your title you misspelled larn.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm suprized Spel Chek didn't ketch it!!

      Delete
  7. Any time I can laugh at Milton is a good time.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I've heard that before his books caught on he did stand-up comedy!!

      Delete
  8. OMG! I was picturing the teachers correcting papers...laughing but shaking their heads in dismay. The alphabet songs were a bafflement to me, but fascinating. How things must be changing in schools!! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. One must keep up with the times--in other words, if the shoe fits, buckle it!!

      Delete
  9. Pencils and pens have a virus? I guess that they caught it from the computer.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I can only hope my crayons are immune!!

      Delete
  10. "Louis Paster discovered a cure for rabbis. "

    What might that be - Protestantism? LOL. Great post, Fran!

    ReplyDelete
  11. I didn't learn nuttin'. I slept.

    Love,
    Janie

    ReplyDelete

Your comments make my day, which shows you how boring my life has become.