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Thursday, April 16, 2015

CARPE MORE THAN THE DIEM!!



These I stole borrowed from Carol at Facing 50: 
Carpet Diem ~ Seize the Rug
Car Payment Diem ~ Seize the Checkbook
Carpe Diarrheam ~ Seize the Toilet Paper
Carpe Duh ~ Seize the Idiot
Carp Diem ~ Fish of the Day
Carpe Diet ~ Seize the Rice Cakes
Carpal Diem ~ Seize the Knuckles
Carnal Diem ~ Seize the Smut
Carpe Dentum ~ Seize the False Teeth

These are mine:
Carpe Dairy ~ This Milk's Gone Bad

Carpe Duplicate ~ Make Me a Copy

Carpe Dura Mater ~ I'm Smarter Than You

Carpe Drumstick ~ Can You Stop at KFC?

Carpe Drawstring ~ Seize the Hoodie

Carpe Dust ~ When's the Last Time You Cleaned Here?
Carpe Depends ~ Change your Diaper 
Carpe Dessert ~ Seize the Cake

Carpe Dime ~ Keep the Change
Carpe Discus ~ Try Out for the Olympics

Carpe Dyer ~ Does This Come in Red?

Carpe Drugs ~ Watch Out For Narcs
Carpe Discount ~ Don't Pay Full Price
Carpe Distance ~ Ask for Directions
Carpe Doormat ~ Wipe Your Feet
Carpe Duct Tape ~ Fix the Leak
Carpe Duodenum ~ I Think I'm Gonna Be Sick
Carpe Denim ~ Seize the Jeans
Carpe Derriere ~ Don't Wear Spanx
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Why the right word is so important:


A man went to a surgeon and said, "I want to be, uh, castrated." "What?" said the doctor, "Surely you don't want that." "Yes," said the man, "That's what I want, to be, uh, castrated. I insist I be, uh, castrated!" The doctor told him to check into the hospital. When he did he was stripped, laid on a cart, wheeled into the operating room, anesthetized, and WHOP!!--off they came. The next day, he woke up in a double room & wanting to be sociable, asked the man in the next bed what he was in for. "Oh, I was circumcised," the man said. "Son of a bitch!! That's the word I was looking for!"
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SOME WORDS THAT AREN'T IN THE DICTIONARY BUT SHOULD BE:

ACCORDIONATED (ah kor' de on ay tid) adj. Being able to drive and refold a road map at the same time.

AQUADEXTROUS (ak wa deks' trus) adj. Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub faucet on and off with your toes. 

AQUALIBRIUM (ak wa lib' re um) n. The point where the stream of drinking fountain water is at its perfect height, thus relieving the drinker from having to suck the nozzle, or (b) squirting himself in the eye. 

BURGACIDE (burg' uh side) n. When a hamburger can't take any more torture and hurls itself through the grill into the coals. 

BUZZACKS (buz' aks) n. People in phone marts who walk around picking up display phones and listening for dial tones even when they know the phones are not connected. 

CARPERPETUATION (kar' pur pet u a shun) n. The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance. 

DISCONFECT (dis kon fekt') v. To sterilize the piece of candy you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, somehow assuming this will remove all the germs. 

ECNALUBMA (ek na lub' ma) n. A rescue vehicle which can only be seen in the rearview mirror. 

EIFFELITES (eye' ful eyetz) n. Gangly people sitting in front of you at the movies who, no matter what direction you lean in, follow suit.

ELBONICS (el bon'iks) n. The actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theatre.

FRUST (frust) n. The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the dust pan and keeps backing a person across the room until he finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.

LACTOMANGULATION (lak' to man gyu lay' shun) n. Manhandling the "open here" spout on a cardboard milk container so badly that one has to resort to the “illegal” side.

NEONPHANCY (ne on' fan see) n. A fluorescent light bulb struggling to come to life. 

PEPPIER (peph ee ay') n. The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want fresh ground pepper.

PHONESIA (fo nee' zhuh) n. The affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.

PUPKUS (pup'kus) n. The moist residue left on a window after a dog presses its nose to it.

SULFABUSENOACETOL (suhl fa bewz' no ass a tall) n. A drug to ease loneliness of those unable to find a sexual partner.

TELECRASTINATION (tel e kras tin ay' shun) n. The act of always letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you're only six inches away.
ArcaMax, leatherjersey.com & me!!

Some other new words from BuzzFeed:













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I have a photographic memory; it’s just that everything’s out of focus----fishducky


 





16 comments:

  1. Some gems here. Thank you.
    Calvin and Hobbes ALWAYS float my boat.
    Love Pupkus (that it is catkus here), live with a lactomangulator and long for bedgasm.

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  2. Reintarnation is when you die and come back as a hillbilly.

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    Replies
    1. I'm always happy to increase my vocabulary!!

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  3. These are so great I will have to go back and read them again. Is that wanting another readgasm? :)

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  4. My favorite CARPERPETUATION!

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  5. Outstanding. I think I shall strive to be ambitchous.

    Oh. I guess I already am.

    Love,
    Janie

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    Replies
    1. We should ALL be good at something!!

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  6. Now there are some words that are a mouthful!

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    Replies
    1. Some, like LACTOMANGULATION & TELECRASTINATION, take about a mouth & a half!!

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  7. I think I just might be an "askhole!"

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    Replies
    1. You know yourself better than I do!!

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  8. Frust is why vacuum cleaners were invented, thus ensuring we all became masters of carperpetuation.
    Love Calvin and Hobbes.

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    Replies
    1. This post tries (sometimes unsuccessfully) to teach something new every day!!

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Your comments make my day, which shows you how boring my life has become.