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Monday, April 20, 2015

SAVE YOURSELF—IT’S TOO LATE FOR ME!!



CHECK LIST FOR PILOT SURVIVAL

1. Every takeoff is optional. Every landing is mandatory.

2. If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger. If you pull the stick back, they get smaller. That is, unless you keep pulling the stick all the way back, then they get bigger again.

3. Flying isn't dangerous. Crashing is what's dangerous.


4. It's always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were down here.



5. The ONLY time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.



6. The propeller is just a big fan in front of the plane used to keep the pilot cool. Because when it stops, you can actually watch the pilot start sweating.



7. When in doubt, hold on to your altitude. No one has ever collided with the sky.



8. A 'good' landing is one from which you can walk away. A 'great' landing is one after which they can use the plane again.



9. Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make all of them yourself.



10. You know you've landed with the wheels up if it takes full power to taxi to the ramp.



11. The probability of survival is inversely proportional to the angle of arrival. Large angle of arrival, small probability of survival and vice-versa.



12. Never let an aircraft take you somewhere your brain didn't get to five minutes earlier.


13. Stay out of clouds. The silver lining everyone keeps talking about might be another airplane going in the opposite direction. Reliable sources also report that mountains have been known to hide out in clouds.


14. Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of take offs you've made.



15. There are three simple rules for making a smooth landing. Unfortunately no one knows what they are.



16. You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck.



17. Helicopters can't fly; they're just so ugly the earth repels them.



18. If all you can see out of the window is ground that's going round and round and all you can hear is commotion coming from the passenger compartment, things are not at all as they should be.



19. In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminum going hundreds of miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose.



20. Good judgment comes from experience. Unfortunately, experience usually comes from bad judgment.



21. It's always a good idea to keep the pointy end going forward as much as possible.



22. Keep looking around. There's always something you've missed.


23. Remember, gravity is not just a good idea. It's the law. And it's not subject to repeal.


24. The four most useless things to a pilot are the altitude above you, runway behind you, gas back at the airport, and a tenth of a second ago.


25. There are old pilots and there are bold pilots. There are, however, no old, bold pilots.
jokebuddah.com


 
Did you hear about the two urban survivalists who decided to try duck hunting? They got their dog and equipment, and went out to a place in the woods where they thought the hunting would be good. But after several hours of thrashing through the forest, one fellow said,” I don't know about this. We've been out here all day and haven't caught a single duck, do you think we're doing something wrong?" "I don't know," replied the other. "Maybe we're not throwing the dog high enough."
















Do you know why Jewish men die before their wives?  They want to!!----fishducky

 





20 comments:

  1. I know that statistically flying is the safest form of transportation. My heart and my stomach don't agree.
    Love the cartoons as well. Particularly the cured ham. And the lemming with survivor guilt.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I've often wondered what hame have been cured of!!

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  2. Replies
    1. I thought so--you know I wouldn't lead you astray!!

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  3. As someone who once took flying lessons, I really enjoyed the pilot jokes. I had heard the first part of #8 but loved the second part.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The sedond part is the MOST important!!

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  4. The funniest part of it to me was when they noted that Alan King was "survived by his wife"--ROFL!! ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He had a great sense of humor, but he may have carried THAT joke too far!!

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  5. My late father was a private pilot and I would have loved sharing these jokes with him.

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    Replies
    1. It wouldn't be heaven if you couldn't laugh, so I assume he's heard them by now!!

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  6. Thanks for stopping by my blog. I have returned the Follow. By the way, I am a very funny lady. My wife and kids feel the same way. JOHN

    ReplyDelete
  7. I'll have to share these with my pilot friend, Henry. He will find them very amusing. And don't we all think of ourselves as survivors?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I guess we do. I'm planning on living forever--so far, so good!!

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  8. Well you did it you put humour in plane crashes but still don't like flying.
    Merle.............

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Flying is great--it's CRASHING that sucks!!

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  9. I have survived everything until this moment. That's 100%. I think that's a damn good track record.

    My husband, on the other hand, if he continues with his antics, may not. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. There's a difference between trying & BEING trying!!

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  10. Are you telling me a silver lining ISN'T always a good thing?
    Dang!
    I like the survivor in the dinghy with the border ocean signs. At least he knows where he is.

    ReplyDelete

Your comments make my day, which shows you how boring my life has become.