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Wednesday, May 13, 2015

A HUNDRED BUCKS ON THE TORTOISE AND I’LL GIVE YOU 5 YARDS




It's fairy tale week again (from my book, "Fishducky's Fables")!!



The tortoise and the hare lived with many other animals in the forest.  None of other creatures liked the hare because he was such a braggart.  The tortoise decided to take him down a peg or two and challenged him to a race.  At this time, hares did not hop, but ran very quickly on two feet, instead.  The hare agreed immediately.  He knew that there was no way the tortoise could outrun him.  The forest creatures set up a ten mile race course.

They met at the starting line at dawn the next morning.  The hare had run a quarter of the course while the tortoise was still crossing the starting line.  He saw a stand ahead with a sign that said, “Free carrots for runners.  Keep up your energy!!”  He grabbed some as he ran by.  He had no idea that the tortoise had drugged them!!  He took one bite and his legs went out from under him and he passed out.  Three days later, when he woke up, the tortoise was just crossing the finish line.  The hare had lost the race.

The hare complained to the judges that the tortoise had cheated and they agreed to another race.  This time the hare insisted the length be twenty miles.  At dawn the next day they were both at the starting line.  The starter waved his flag and the hare jumped out to a big lead.  The tortoise’s pit crew ran out.  Within seconds, they had put racing goggles on the tortoise and wheels on his feet.  They jacked up his shell and put a motor on his back.  With a mighty vroom vroom he took off, passed the hare and crossed the finish line just three minutes later, leaving the hare in the dust.

He again complained to the judges but they told him there was nothing in the rules that said the race had to be run by foot.  He was so angry that he challenged the tortoise to a duel.  At dawn, they stood back to back in a clearing in the forest.  Their seconds handed them each a pistol.  They walked ten paces and turned.  The hare got off several shots, each one hitting the tortoise, but all they did was to bounce off his shell!!  At this point, the tortoise could have easily killed the hare, but he took pity on him and shot him in the foot.  Because of this wound, the hare could no longer run or even walk properly.  He had to hop, instead.  Since they didn’t want any more bragging, the forest authorities passed an ordinance that from that day forward, all hares must hop and not run.  And so they do.


Want to read a funny book?
Carol Wyer has written a new one!!
It's called "Grumpies on Board".
It will be released May 21 but you can preorder it now on Amazon.

















 



14 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. As long as he follows the rules....!!

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  2. I'm a lovin that tortoise. There's a guy I know that is a braggart and it drives me crazy to be around him. Maybe if I shot him in the foot.......

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  3. So funny to see twists on these old, old stories, Fran. And your cartoons are great!

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    Replies
    1. Stick around--two more twisted tales this week!!

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  4. Love why the rabbits have to hop. And first one home--LOL! :)

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    1. If he just hadn't been so darn cocky...!!

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  5. So now explain why a rabbits foot is lucky...not if a tortoise is around.

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    Replies
    1. I can't explain--it's certainly NOT lucky for the rabbit!!

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  6. I've long suspected that tortoises raced on steroids.

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  7. First one home wins. HAHAHAHAHAHA. cheeky tortoise.

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Your comments make my day, which shows you how boring my life has become.