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Friday, May 22, 2015

ALERTS TO THREATS IN EUROPE

Cartoon by Man Martin

The following is a letter written to me by John Cleese, one of my best friends who used to be on Monty Python's Flying Circus. Susan of I Think, Therefore I Yam sent it to me.  I like it a lot!!

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be right, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is cancelled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the last final escalation level.



Regards,
John Cleese ,
British writer, actor and tall person
 
And as a final thought - Greece is collapsing, the Iranians are getting aggressive, and Rome is in disarray. Welcome back to 430 BC.   










                                                                      

                          

The birthrate in Europe is at an all-time low, whereas the death rate is still holding strong at 100 percent----fishducky


 





18 comments:

  1. Sending the snowman home in a glass is a truly vicious threat.
    Here in Oz we are now 'lert but not alarmed. Sadly I don't think I want to be a lert.

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    1. Does that mean the barbie is still on?

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    2. Of course. Even in times of crisis we need to eat. And drink.

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    3. Sometimes we need to drink MORE!!

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  2. As funny as "Faulty Towers!"

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    1. I'm not normally a big fan of British humor, but I DO love John Cleese!!

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  3. Funny empty threats, and great stories.

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    1. Thank you for your very discerning review!!

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  4. I think one of the best traits of human beings is our ability to find humor in the most dire of situations. Far better to laugh at today's horrors than to sit in the corner in the fetal position. (My growing belly makes that harder and harder...)

    LOVE Cleese's humor. (Yours, too!) Happy weekend!

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    1. THANKS AGAIN for sending me this!!

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  5. Wonderfully funny post. Just what I needed this morning. Thanks!

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    1. You're welcome--I wish I could have been the author!!

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  6. Absolutely loved the European threat levels. Too funny.

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  7. That's hilarious. The English fall apart so easily, according to The Hurricane. When she went to school at Cambridge, she said it snowed a tiny bit one day. The snow melted almost right away. She tried to go to the post office that afternoon. It was closed because of the snow. Everything was closed because of the snow. If Hitler had really wanted to conquer England, he should have generated snow.

    Love,
    Janie

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  8. I like the empty threats boxes :)
    I also really like the Spaniards with their glass bottomed subs.
    As for the Aussies, there's not much on earth that will cause a barbie cancellation. Not even rain, we just move the whole shebang under the carport and continue.

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    1. We all solve our problems the best way we can!!

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Your comments make my day, which shows you how boring my life has become.