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Monday, June 29, 2015

“EXCUSE ME. SIR, BUT……….”





(For your dining pleasure, an assortment of reworked posts.)

This happened a long time ago.  At my age--80--everything happened a long time ago.  My husband & I were making our first trip to Europe.  We had been with friends (Earl & Flavia) in Paris & we went to London.  We decided to invite our friends from France to come over to London & go to a stage show & dinner as a “thank you”. 

We saw “Jesus Christ, Superstar”, which had just opened & were walking to the restaurant when Flavia stopped to buy some bangers (very potent smelling British sausages).  At the restaurant--an extremely quiet & genteel place, like an English gentlemen’s club--the coat check girl offered to hold the bangers for us.  Flavia said she was worried she’d forget them.  The girl assured her she wouldn’t forget them.  We were seated in a horseshoe shaped booth with me on the far left & were laughing about the coat check girl’s sensitive nose.  We were all smoking--no one knew it was bad then--& I was buttering a roll.  Flavia snorted, blowing ashes on the rolls & butter & I said, “I can’t take you anywhere” when the roll suddenly flew out of my hand.   There was a man in the next booth to my left who conveniently (?) had his jacket pocket gaping open.  Yes, my roll, unknown to him, landed in his pocket!

If I had stopped to think about it at the time, I would have had two options. One would have been to say, in an ever so sophisticated way, “Excuse me, sir, but my roll is in your pocket” & the other would have been to say nothing & wait until he got home when he would probably say to his wife, “Look, Edna--I don’t mind carrying your lipstick or your glasses for you, but this is ridiculous!”

I did neither of those sensible things.  Without thinking, I simply leaned forward & picked his pocket.  He never felt a thing.  I had had absolutely no practice.  It must have been an inborn skill.  We laughed so loudly it was embarrassing.  

Flavia asked the maitre d' for a doggy bag for her leftovers.  He said, "Oh, you have a dog?"  She told him no, that she had a cat.  "So do I," he said, "What kind?"  She said that she actually had a bobcat.  "So do I," he said & they whipped out pictures--proud parents that they were!!

When we were leaving, the maître d’ thanked us for coming.  We told him everyone was so nice that as a favor to him we would never be back.  He said, “No—please come back.  It was wonderful to have live people here for a change!”
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Sometime around 1970, Bud & I were driving down Pacific Coast Highway.  We passed a very expensive, very exclusive restaurant &, on a whim, decided to have a late lunch there.  The maître d’ greeted us & asked if we had a reservation.  We told him we didn’t & he said he’d see what he could do.  He turned & studied the nearly empty dining area for several moments.  He then turned back to us & asked, with a straight face, “Would you prefer a round table or a square one?”
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My husband is a very intelligent man, but somehow he can’t seem to learn foreign languages.  I had to do all his translating for him in France, which I really didn’t mind doing.  I have to admit I did get some strange looks when asking where the men’s room was.  We were in a restaurant before the days of women’s lib.  I got us a table, ordered dinner for the two of us, asked for some bread, got Bud some extra water (with ice) & requested the check.  I’m sure our waiter told his coworkers he was going to give it to the pushy broad with the fat guy!


For an interesting dining experience, watch this:

And this:












Excuse me, I'm going to go get something to eat----fishducky

 




16 comments:

  1. There is a great late-night happiness in your humor. It's nearly one a.m. I was sitting on a bench in the garden --still too hot indoors-- and a skunk ran past my bare feet. Hurried in and read this post. My alarm is abated. I shall go to bed calm and cheered up. Thanks.

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    1. Nighty night, sleep tight. Don't let the bedbugs bite--or the skunks spray!!

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  2. I have to ask, was that the last time you picked a stranger's pocket?
    Great story though. One to dine out on.

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    1. As far as I can remember, it was!!

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  3. How nice to be considered a live person though I can see where you would liven up a place.
    You might have had a second career as a pickpocket and having a lawyer hubby would have been handy.

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  4. As soon as I saw the names Earl and Flavia, I thought what a combination. Then you told the roll story, and I laughed out loud.

    Love,
    Janie

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    1. I hope you didn't scare the doggies!!

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  5. Lots of fun here, but I really laughed at the Star Trek characters in the Chinese restaurant. Have a great week.

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    1. Thank you--I will try to make it Tso!!

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  6. Sure, the old roll in the pocket trick. Some people call that cheating!

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  7. Thanks for sharing such funny stories. You must have been a riot. LOL

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  8. What are the chances a maitre d' and a random customer would both have bobcats as pets??

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Your comments make my day, which shows you how boring my life has become.