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Wednesday, July 29, 2015

A LETTER TO GOD FROM THE DOG


Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another? 

Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it still the same old story? 

Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, & the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We do love a nice ride!!  In 1988, Chrysler came out with the “Eagle”.  Would it have been so hard to name it the "Chrysler Beagle"?
  

Dear God: If a dog barks his head off in the forest & no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?


Dear God: We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy fields, & Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand? 

Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.

Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?

Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good dog. 

1. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it up.

2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell. 

3. The sofa is not a 'face towel'-- neither are laps.

4. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.

5. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

6. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license & registration. 

7. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet

8. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee table.

9. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house--not after.

10. I will not throw up in the car.

11. I will not come in from outside & immediately drag my butt.

12. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with him & he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.  


And, finally, my last question…

Dear God: When I get to Heaven may I have my testicles back? 
Arcamax

The cockapoo & the labradoodle are new breeds of dogs that I believe are now recognized by the AKC--but why stop there?


If you cross a Collie & a Lhasa Apso, you'd get a Collapso, a dog that folds up for easy transport.

If you cross a Spitz & a Chow-Chow, you'd get a Spitz-Chow, a dog that throws up a lot.

If you cross a Pekingese & a Lhasa Apso, you'd get a Peekasso, an abstract dog.

If you cross a Labrador Retriever & a Curly Coated Retriever, you'd get a Lab Coat Retriever, the choice of laboratory researchers.

If you cross a Pointer & a Setter, you'd get a Poinsetter, a traditional Christmas pet.

If you cross a Irish Water Spaniel & a English Springer Spaniel, you'd get an Irish Springer, a dog fresh & clean.

If you cross a Newfoundland & a Basset Hound, you'd get a Newfound Asset Hound, a dog for financial advisors.

If you cross a Malamute & a Pointer, you'd get a Moot Point, owned by....oh, well, it doesn't really matter.

If you cross a Deerhound & a Terrier, you'd get a Derriere, a dog that's true to the end.

If you cross a Bull Terrier & a Shih Tzu. You’d get a Bullsh..... uhh, I'll get back to you on that....


I know you love me, God.  Click here.

To read a sad dog's diary, click here. 















Why do we say, "Heavens, yes!!" & "Hell, no!!" but not "Purgatory, maybe"?----fishducky

 










14 comments:

  1. Its true. Every cat I have ever shared my life with knows that it is a god. And that I was put on the earth to minister to their every whim...
    The dogs were nearly so judgemental. Or demanding.

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    1. Dogs are often nicer people than cats!!

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  2. This is a delightful post with my favorite creatures. Laughed all the way through.

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    1. I am delighted that you found it delightful!!

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  3. Dear Dog: "Car? I named a bus for you!"...God

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    1. They probably didn't get the Greyhound memo!!

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  4. Very funny....but why do dogs eat grass?

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    1. Beats me--I can't figure out why the rest of the world (except me) loves eggplants!!

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  5. So much funny material here, but I did get a kick from the dog's letter to God.

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    1. Do you think he'll get his testicles back?

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  6. So funny !
    I guess we can tell dogs that the University of Connecticut has a team named after a Husky.

    I guess if we all recommend or tweet that we want a dog's name an auto mobile company might consider.
    So far rhey have "greyhound" buses. How about "German Shepherd" for a Mercedez ?

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    1. Better that than a Doberman Pinscher!!

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  7. oh no, those poor pugs.
    Those mixed breed dogs are a hoot, but I'll be sure to never get a spitz chow.

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    1. Be glad that's not your kitty's breed!!

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Your comments make my day, which shows you how boring my life has become.