Friday, July 24, 2015


If there were a carnival in your alphabet soup,
Would only the “O’s” ride the Loop the Loop?

If the “A’s” claimed that first was better,
Who would decide—another letter?

Why does the “X” in xylophone sound like a “Z”?
Oh, please explain that one to me!

“J” could go fishing, because of its hook,
So why aren’t there any “J’s” in a brook?

“K” sounds like “C”, or it doesn’t make a sound,
But if you spelled cook “kooc”,  you’d be sure to dumfound.

Neither  “C” nor “G” can make up their mind
As to how to pronounce them, which is very unkind.

“H” is so soft, it’s just like a puff,
But Liverpudlians feel that they've used it enough.

“M’s” put together spell “mmm” which means yummy,
Which is how M&M’s always feel in your tummy.

“Q" is shy in public, refusing to be seen
Without a “U” acting as its go-between.

“T” is right there, at the tip of your tongue.
It’s the beginning of every tune you have sung.

“F” strikes me funny, since when you write, I have found,
In upper or lower case, you turn it around.

That “S” over there looks like a snake.
I think you should hit it with that rake!

“E” is for “Eek!!”, a sound in a cartoon.
When you see a mouse, scream like a buffoon.

Why isn’t “W” called double “V”?
It sure looks that way to me.

“D” is downright dumb, you know.
Put it with “oh!” and you have “Doh!”

“R” is needed for a lion’s roar,
 A sound that’s difficult to ignore!

“B”, as a capital, has two great big bumps
Like a fat man’s belt that’s showing his lumps.

“L” and “ll” sound just the same except
In Spanish “ll” is “Y”, which I cannot accept.

Without “P” we couldn’t be “pretty” or “pout”
Or go “Ptooey!” when we spit something out.

“N” is for “nasal”, when we talk through our nose.
Use a Kleenex—don’t get that stuff on your clothes.

“I” is for me.  It’s just not for you.
That’s all 26--I am now through!!
I ran this in January, but it fits in even better here!!
This is a true story from

Me: “Thank you for calling [internet provider]. How can I help you?”
Caller: “Yes, I am trying to provision my personal modem for your internet and I am having issues. Could you help?”
Me: “Sure. May I please have your modem id?”
Caller: “001, E as in igloo, A as in apple, 3251, E as in igloo.”
Me: “So that was 001, Echo, Alpha, 3251, Echo?”
Caller: “No. E as in Igloo!”
Me: “Sorry, sir, but igloo begins with an I.”
Caller: “The heck it does! Igloo is spelled E-G-L-U-E. I have a G.E.D.—you can’t pull one over on me, Mr. Fancy Pants!”
When Nameless II was about 3, she was learning the alphabet. I was naming letters & asking her to tell me what she saw in my house that started with that letter.  She correctly got B for banana & T for table, but when I said R she pointed to a papier mache armadillo.  Like her mother, the kid has always been logical!!

Speak softly and carry a cellular phone----fishducky



  1. R for armadillo? You and Nameless lost me there....

    1. It sounds like "r-madillo"!!

    2. Of course. Slapping head. Why didn't I realise that...

  2. Replies
    1. I buy Campbell's Soup for Seniors!!

  3. Love the liberal media one...we can't get away from them!

  4. Turns out Nameless is just as brilliant as her parents! Did you write that alphabet? And FYI, in Swedish a W is indeed called a "Double V." Actually ett dubblv

    1. Yes the credit (or blame) for that alphabet goes solely to me!!

  5. Your clever alphabet poem makes me once again so happy I know English and am not trying to learn it.

  6. I've gotta get some of that alphabet soup for seniors...

    Happy weekend!

    1. It comes in really big cans so there's room for the letters!!

  7. My favorite is W; it has never made sense. And Q has been chained with U forever. Doesn't make sense. But, then, that is the way of the letter life.

  8. Love liberal media bias in his alphabet soup.

    1. There's no escape--they're EVERYWHERE!!

  9. I like the alphabet soup ingredients, consonants and vowels. And the Nigerian spam really is out of hand.

    1. NEVER swallow that Nigerian stuff!!

  10. I would never have gotten through the first round of a spelling bee. I'm auful.

    1. I asuum yor weif prufredes four yew!!


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