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Thursday, July 9, 2015

OF COURSE IT'S TRUE--I SAW IT ONLINE



(They couldn't print it if it wasn't true, could they?)


News article: AT&T CHARGES MAN $27,000 FOR WATCHING CHICAGO BEARS GAME OVER THE WEB. 

$27,000?!! That's it? He actually SAVED money. If he had come to Ford Field in Detroit, you gotta figure: $50 for a cheap seat, $10 minimum for parking, $10 for a hot-dog and chips, $10 for a delicious watered down 3-2 beer, and the $28,000 to replace your stolen car. Do the math, people!!!
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A Microsoft software engineer went through Army basic training. One day they’re out on the firing range, and the software engineer was having a heck of a time hitting the target downrange.

Shot after shot rang out, and the reports from downrange kept coming back a miss. Finally, he stood up, stuck his finger in the end of the barrel and pulled the trigger. This of course had the effect of blowing his digit clean off.


Grimacing through his pain, the Microsoft software engineer yelled down to the target pit “Well, it’s leaving this end just fine, the problem must be on your end!”
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A ragged individual stranded for several months on a small desert island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean one day noticed a bottle lying in the sand with a piece of paper in it. Rushing to the bottle, he pulled out the cork and with shaking hands withdrew the message.

"Due to lack of maintenance," he read, "we regretfully have found it necessary to cancel your e-mail account."
jokebuddha.com
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Volvo has unveiled an auto designed by seniors for seniors called the YCC, 'Your Concept Car.' Among its cutting-edge senior driver's features:

Turn signals that are able to change their mind at the last minute & will automatically shut off after 5 miles.
An OnStar satellite tracking system that can locate, on command, all public restrooms within 500 miles.
Permanent press fenders.
A dashboard voice console that's programmed to ask strangers for directions.
Side mirrors that make the driver appear younger than he/she actually is.
ArcaMax, altered by me


Here are the lyrics (sung to Gilligan's Island):

Just sit right back, and you'll hear a tale about my virtual trip.
It started from my IBM,
With a simple little click.

I tried to surf the Internet, things did not go well.
I wound up in a Chat Room with the cyber-geeks from Hell.
(He's trapped in cyber-Hell)
They won't shut up, I can't escape this AOL nightmare.
If I signed on to Prodigy,
I bet they'd find me there.
Those geeks are everywhere.

I'm stuck inside the World Wide Web with weirdos I just don't know.
I hit F1,
Unplugged the phone,
I can't click out, I can't click in.
It says, "In Chat"
Oh, my God,
I'm trapped on the Internet!
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I'm sure everything people say in chat rooms is true:









Maybe one of these inventions I saw online appeals to you:
A toothpaste tube you can squeeze from either end:

A bench that stays dry: 


A Baggie with fake mold so nobody steals your lunch: 

Butter that really spreads easily:

A see through toaster so you can stop it before it burns your toast:


A portable aquarium so you can take your fish for a walk; 


Sweeping slippers to catch those annoying crumbs: 


Training wheels for learning to walk in high heels: 

















I don’t need a vacation--I’m a little off every day----fishducky


 







14 comments:

  1. Forget just seniors cars, I think a restroom locator should be standard issue in all cars.
    I remember when Ripley's Believe it or not segments were available on candy wrappers. Not sure what type, I think maybe bubblegum.

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  2. Fran, so true of the Internet. I love that "lost in the Internet". My mother always believed everything she read in print, so I can't imagine how lost she would be in the Internet if she were able to read it now.

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    Replies
    1. Why WOULD they print (post) it if it weren't true? That's just silly!!

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  3. I want to have not only a restroom locator but one which rates them. 'Fine', 'if you are desperate', 'you would rather wet yourself'...

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  4. I would love that toaster. Seriously.
    It is tempting to either believe everything you read or nothing. Photo shopping has made me distrustful.

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    Replies
    1. I now shop for clothes online. I wish all of them looked like the picture!!

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  5. Those baggies with fake mold are brilliant. i could have used those back in the day.

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    Replies
    1. I assume your lunch was stolen more than once!!

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  6. I've often thought we might be better off if we settled close political elections with games of chance as well. We might get a better result. :)

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    Replies
    1. If we made voting illegal do you think more people would do it?

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  7. Yep -- you made me guffaw out loud. I too vote for the baggies with the fake mold.

    Thanks.

    Jerry

    ReplyDelete

Your comments make my day, which shows you how boring my life has become.