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Friday, August 14, 2015

YOU THINK YOU KNOW ALL ABOUT THE OCEAN? YOU'RE PROBABLY ALL WET!!



CHILDREN WRITING ABOUT THE OCEAN

1) - This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly, age 6)

2) - Oysters' balls are called pearls. (Jerry, age 6)

3) - If you are surrounded by ocean, you are an island. If you don't have ocean all round you, you are incontinent. (Mike, age 7)

4) - Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson . She's not my friend any more. (Kylie, age 6)

5) - A dolphin breaths through an asshole on the top of its head. (Billy, age 8)

6) - My uncle goes out in his boat with 2 other men and a woman and pots and comes back with crabs. (Millie, age 6)

7) - When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes when the wind didn't blow the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would have been better off eating beans. (William, age 7)

8) - Mermaids live in the ocean. I like mermaids. They are beautiful and I like their shiny tails, but how on earth do mermaids get pregnant? Like, really? (Helen, age 6)

9) - I'm not going to write about the ocean. My baby brother is always crying, my Dad keeps yelling at my Mom, and my big sister has just got pregnant, so I can't think what to write. (Amy, age 6)

10) - Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves in to chargers. (Christopher, age 7)

11) - When you go swimming in the ocean, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small. (Kevin, age 6) 

12) - Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Divers can't go down alone, so they have to go down on each other. (Becky, age 8)

13) - On vacation my Mom went water skiing. She fell off when she was going very fast. She says she won't do it again because water fired right up her big fat ass. (Julie, age 7)

14) - The ocean is made up of water and fish. Why the fish don't drown I don't know. (Bobby, age 6)

15) - My dad was a sailor on the ocean. He knows all about the ocean. What he doesn't know is why he quit being a sailor and married my mom. (James, age 7)
datehookup.com
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Through the pitch-black night, the captain sees a light dead ahead on a collision course with his ship. He sends a signal: "Change your course 10 degree east." 

The light signals back: "Change yours, 10 degrees west." 

Angry, the captain sends: "I'm a navy captain! Change your course, sir!" 

"I'm a seaman, second class," comes the reply. "Change your course, sir." 

Now the captain is furious. "I'm a battleship! I'm not changing course!" 

There is one last reply. "I'm a lighthouse. Your call."

ArcaMax
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Two fishermen were out on the ocean when one of them dropped his wallet. As they watched the wallet float down to the depths of the ocean, a carp came along and snatched up the wallet. Soon came another carp who stole it away and then a third joined in. Remarked one of the fisherman, "That’s the first time I’ve ever seen carp-to-carp walleting."
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Three out of the four voices in my head want to sleep; the other wants to know if penguins have knees----Aunty Acid (& fishducky)


 





19 comments:

  1. I don't know everything about anything.
    Smiling (and wincing) at the quotes from tiny terrorists.

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    Replies
    1. I know everything about everything--but I'm not always right!!

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  2. So far I like #10 and #15 a lot. After work I will sit down and read them again (with my husband).He loves your jokes.

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    Replies
    1. You (& your husband & daughter) are obviously brilliant!!

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  3. "Clown fish attacks" that might be the next feature after "Sharknado III". Love it.

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    1. I still don't understand how those tiny fish can manage to swim on stilts!!

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  4. Great post,Fran. We have learned a lot about the sea on our month in Maine, and I find it fascinating. The hardest thing for me to grasp is the tides, and how people can know in advance at exactly white time High tide will be.

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    Replies
    1. Can you tell me how the tide knows when it's Daylight Savings Time?

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  5. I'm sure clown fish do attack, if you get them really made and don't laugh at their antics.

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    Replies
    1. You have to admit it's hard to take them seriously!!

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  6. #7- smart kid!

    #10- And now we know. The way to eliminate the dangers posed by electric eels is to rip out all of those chargers down there!

    Happy weekend!

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    Replies
    1. My husband ripped out all the chargers in our toilets & we have no more problems!!

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  7. Loved the kids versions. Hey, makes sense. #4 tickled me.

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    Replies
    1. There are lots of things that make sense to kids!!

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  8. rats! Now I'm wondering about penguins and knees. Laughing at everything else, especially what the little tykes said.

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    Replies
    1. For an answer to the penguins & knees question, click here:

      http://www.buzzfeed.com/kellyoakes/penguins-have-knees#.osVdpad81

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  9. Yep, swimming in the ocean makes my willy small too and that's something I simply can't afford :)

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  10. LOL!
    I wonder what the story behind the hatred for Emily Richardson is! Kylie sounds furious!

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Your comments make my day, which shows you how boring my life has become.