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Friday, September 11, 2015

DEAR DR. FISHDUCKY, I HAVE A PROBLEM


To take a virtual tour of the new World Trade Center,
click here.


Source: Ben Sturner/Twitter
A rainy Thursday in New York City turned into a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity when the clouds parted ways long enough to cast a rainbow from the location of the new World Trade Center tower, just one day before the 14th anniversary of the 2001 Sept. 11 attacks.


Before we start today's post, allow me to give you 

some general medical advice:




An old joke (to me, but hopefully new to you):

A married couple, in their 50’s, are discussing the wife’s checkup visit at the doctor’s.  She tells him the doctor said she was in amazing shape.  She says, “He told me I had the smooth skin, perky breasts & flat stomach of a 20 year old.”  Her husband asks her, “What did he say about your 50 year old ass?”  She says, “Your name never came up!”
___________
Whatever you do, avoid a hospital stay (if you’re conscious)!!  Set your own leg or remove your own appendix, if possible.  Most hospitals refuse to accept the fact that you’re a human being & have likes & dislikes.  You will be the gallbladder in Room 317 or the abscess in Room 249.  An example:
Alan King, a comedian who was popular in my lifetime, but after dinosaurs, was a hospital patient.  A nurse (you know the kind--“How are WE today?”) would come in every morning to take his temperature.  She’d bring him a glass of apple juice & a sterile cup for a urine specimen.  She’d ask him what kind of juice he wanted the next day.  It didn’t matter what he told her—she’d always bring him apple juice.  He hated apple juice!!  One day, when her back was turned, he poured the apple juice into the urine cup.  She picked it up, held it to the light & said, “We look a little cloudy today.”  He grabbed it from her, took a look & said, “You’re right—we’d better run it through again!”--& drank it!!  He said it was worth drinking the apple juice just to see her run out of the room screaming!!
A word of warning—if you are a stereotypical blond,
be very careful if you have acupuncture!!


Doctors can ask very silly questions.  An OB once said that he got a call from a frantic man who said, “My wife is in labor & her pains are 2 minutes apart!”  He asked the man, “Is this her first child?”  The man said, “No, you idiot!  This is her husband!!”


A proposed health care solution:





There can be hidden benefits to having any disease.  If you have Alzheimer’s, for instance, you get to meet new people every day, you can hide your own Easter eggs & you never have to watch reruns on TV.


Fried foods are good for you, provided they are fried in vegetable oil & soak up lots of nutrients.  An extra-greasy donut would count as one serving of bread & two servings of vegetables.
Avoid exercise at all costs!!  If it makes your stomach smaller, imagine what it would do to your brain!

Even if all your pill bottles look alike, there’s still an easy way to tell which one is the PMS medicine.  It’s the one with the bite marks on the top.

I really love my primary care physician.  He’s a personal friend & an excellent doctor.  He does have one habit, however, that drives me crazy.  If I tell him I had a cold or even beriberi last week, he says, “I had that, too.  What’d you do for it?”



There are fine doctors all over the world.
For example, this specialist in Italy:




On the off-chance that I didn’t answer all of your medical questions today, let’s move on to funerals, specifically mine.  I’ve told my husband that I didn’t want a regular funeral, with everybody sad.  Instead, I told him that I wanted fireworks to celebrate my life.  He said that fireworks weren’t his thing & offered a compromise—he said he would be willing to stick sparklers in my behind.  NOT ACCEPTABLE!!  might be willing to settle for Maxine’s idea:


















Much like Mother Teresa, I’m sure I’ll be remembered for my good works.  Just ignore this cartoon about me----fishducky



 



18 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. She's right there after Wonder Woman!!

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  2. the empathetic doctor is wearing pants, yet his reflection isn't. Seems he's a magician as well.
    got a good laugh form Surgery for Dummies!

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    1. I never noticed that--I guess the cartoonist didn't, either!!

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  3. There's nothing wrong with you. You're a Picasso. Ha!

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    Replies
    1. I'm pretty sure that would worry ME!!

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    2. Picasso....
      Isn't he the guy with an itchy rear end?
      BA DUM BUM.
      Thank you. Thank you very much.

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    3. I think you're getting him confused with Penwasser!!

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  4. Ahhhh! I am so glad to be getting your posts again!! Made my morning! :)

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    Replies
    1. God bless our computers--when they're WORKING!!

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  5. That picture with the rainbow over NY is amazing.

    Love all the jokes and cartoons, but the one with Maxine is my favorite. I think it'd be an absolute hoot to have a ventriloquist at my funeral. Makes me smile just to think about it.

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  6. Fixing xrays with photoshop....not there's a concept for you. Love that picture of the new World Trade Center with the rainbow.Awesome.

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  7. That is one beautiful picture. I really hope to get out there one day (no excuse, given that I live only two hours away).

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    Replies
    1. I live in California but I've always been (& will continue to be) there in spirit!!

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  8. Loved the wife's reply about her check up.
    Today is a day we all remember.

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    Replies
    1. That's one of Bud's favorite jokes--& how COULD we ever forget?

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Your comments make my day, which shows you how boring my life has become.