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Monday, September 21, 2015

THE RAVIN'



(An extensively reworked post from June, 2013.)

Click on any of the names in RED below to go to their post.





Once upon a midnight brightly, for I turned my lamp on nightly,
Trying to complete the latest issue of my post,
All at once I heard a moaning, it was my computer groaning,
If it were to die my blog would be but toast.

When it was I don’t remember--wait, it must have been December,
Yes!  Earlier that evening I had carved the Christmas roast.
We had sweet potatoes (yummy!) and they sat there in my tummy,
But a working computer was now of my needs the uppermost.

A spirit appeared on my screen, in a color sort of sea green,
The creature was so pale it must have been a ghost.
Forgive me if I’m ravin’, but this specter was so craven,
I had not the slightest wish to ever play his host.

He spoke in a voice so hollow, it was difficult to follow,
And said that he would take away the thing I loved the most.
“Not my computer!” I beseeched him, but my words just never reached him,
I said, “People want to read this,” but he ignored my boast.

I begged, even tried to buy him, but he wouldn’t listen to my lyin’,
He said, “You’re on a hilltop and downward you must coast.”
“Without my electronic sled, my butt would end up oh, so red
And the gravel would make me look like a piece of raisin toast!”

“No one needs your silly blogging—your brain just needs unclogging,
Your followers would fare better if with heroin they were dosed.”
“That may be, but my blogs are legal,” and I swooped in like an eagle,
And told him people like to read what makes them laugh the most.

“One more paragraph!” I pleaded, and ‘twas then that I proceeded
To tell him of a few blogs with which readers were engrossed.
“I know I heard a rumor that FACING 50 WITH HUMOUR
And CHERDO ON THE FLIPSIDE  were followed by a host.”

"If you want to read ELISA you don't need to get a visa, 
And her writing is more clever than at a Friar's roast.
BEING ME is just so funny it makes my eyes a little runny.
Don't take these from me--I'm pleading, ghost!"

“And CRANKY OLD MAN’s a winner, we just laughed it at dinner,
THERE'S MORE WHERE THAT CAME FROM is said to be the most.
WRESTLING WITH RETIREMENT brings me to perspirement,
And PEARL, WHY YOU LITTLE  is for sure a favorite post.”

"IHOPEIWINATOASTER is among the very moster
Clever things I've read lately, I tell you, ghost,
And ROB-BEAR 's a little furry, but he never makes me worry
When I have to wait a while between his posts."

“The world’s in need of laughter, and that’s why, ever after,
I hope we’ll have LEENIE and MELYNDA here to post.
And then there's AL and ROBYN, and so many more my head is throbbin’,
For without laughter our jaws would be on the floor, almost.”

"I can't forget VAL THEVICTORIAN, who often puts her story in,
MARGARET AND HELEN are enough to start me yellin’ when they post.
And also HALEY-ESZTI, whose work is among the besty.
Why would you dispose of MURRMURRS, I ask you, ghost?"

“I so liked HALEY'S COMIC, with humor quite atomic--
Can you ask her to write again, I beg you, ghost?
Oh, Haley, how I miss you, (excuse me while I get a tissue)
I would love to see another issue of your post.”

JENN may threaten to punch you, but I have a hunch you
Would find her quite amusing, Mr. Ghost.
VINNY D's a doctor down in Haiti, treating cancer in the ladies,
The importance of his work is uppermost.

I THINK: THEREFORE, I YAM  deserves a deep salaam,
With so many blogs I’ve become engrossed.
There's JULI, JANICE and MEDICARE MOM, none of whom have run a bomb,
But if sanity's your thing, there's still a host.”

"If so, there’s a blog by RIVER, who never fails to deliver,
And ELEPHANT’S CHILD, both from an Aussie observation post.
On DEEMUNIR, RITA and INGER, and also MANZI, CAROLYN and PATTI, I linger,
And JANIE, who's the queen of grammar, ghost."

"Many people say that they enjoy LINDA KAY
And STEPHEN, who writes an art-related post.
RICK speaks highly of country life with his nephews and his wife,
I NEED my computer to read these and more and comment.  Oh, please, ghost."

For BODACIOUS BOOMER there's no link; she gave up her site, I think,
But I so miss chuckling at her post.
Bodacious, please don't scold me, for when we met you told me
You were writing a book which should please a host.

(If other blogs I failed to mention, it was not my intention, 
But I was under pressure, thanks to the ghost.
Please forgive me this neglecting, but as you've long been suspecting,
My brain is not the part I use the most!)

The specter then relented, and immediately consented
To repair my computer so I could write, sweet ghost.
He then called a tech, even spoke to India, but heck,
I couldn’t remember what it was I felt I had to post!






















I thought I'd end by actually quoting Poe, but then I thought, why should I?  He never quotes anything of mine----fishducky

 


18 comments:

  1. Love your post to the ghost! Very well done :D
    Edgar Allan Poda had me giggling too.

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  2. What a heart-warming post.
    Loved the passive aggressive raven too. I think there are at least an 'unkindness' (yes that is the collective noun for ravens) of them about now.

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  3. Now I have to spend a day or two checking out those blogs i don't know.

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  4. Very clever twist on Poe. Well done. Most of those in red I all ready visit. Might have to check out some others.

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  5. Thank you. I appreciate being included. One time we went to Baltimore to visit a house where Edgar lived for a bit. He wrote in the attic. Year round. We went up there on a warm spring day. It was stifling. No wonder he wrote about walling up someone. I can't think of the name of that damn story. I used to have to grade a million essays by college freshman, and most of them were about that story. I think I've blocked out the title because it was unbearable to read those damn essays.

    Love,
    Janie

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    1. You're very welcome, how could I not? Sit back, put your feet up & have a relaxing sip of amontillado--I bet it'll come to you!!

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  6. Thanks for including me in your poem, which must have taken a lot of time to add all those links.

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    1. Some things--including your post--are well worth my time!!

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  7. Oh, dear! Edgar Alan Pooh is so very wrong! I'll have to come back when I've got more time. This could keep me busy for days. Thanks for the inclusion!

    Here's a Poe story. A couple of years ago, the kids in my class were discussing a big test they'd just had in their English class, on The Raven. Some were quite worried that they'd not done well. Thus began a dissection of the quiz, and what parts they might have missed.

    "What did you put on that last one? The one that asked, 'What did the raven say?'"

    "I answered it with the only thing I remembered: 'That is all.'"

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    1. Do you ever get the feeling that kids don't always pay attention? I think your sense of humor is pretty similar to mine. Most of these blogs are funny. They'd be worth looking into!!

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  8. Love your poem. Anybody ever tell you you're a clever old broad? :)

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    1. Once or twice, but I never get tired of hearing it!!

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Your comments make my day, which shows you how boring my life has become.