My other granddogs--Rivers (l) & Aida,
the co-authors of this post.
Ya mean I gotta follow all these rules?
ETIQUETTE RULES FOR DOGS BY DOGS:
NEWSPAPERS: If you have to go to the bathroom while playing in the front yard, always use the newspaper that's placed in the driveway every morning for that purpose.
BARKING: Because you are a dog, you are expected to bark. So bark -- a lot. Your owners will be very happy to hear you protecting their house. Especially late at night while they are sleeping safely in their beds. There is no more secure feeling for a human than to keep waking up in the middle of the night and hearing your protective bark, bark, bark...
LICKING: Always take a big drink from your water dish immediately before licking your human. Humans prefer clean tongues. Be ready to fetch your human a towel.
HOLES: Rather than digging a big hole in the middle of the yard and upsetting your human, dig a lot of smaller holes all over the yard so they won't notice. If you arrange a little pile of dirt on one side of each hole, maybe they'll think it's gophers. There are never enough holes in the ground. Strive daily to do your part to help correct this problem.
DOORS: The area directly in front of a door is always reserved for the family dog to sleep.
THE ART OF SNIFFING: Humans like to be sniffed. Everywhere. It is your duty, as the family dog, to accommodate them.
DINING ETIQUETTE: Always sit under the table at dinner, especially when there are guests, so you can clean up any food that falls on the floor. It's also a good time to practice your sniffing.
GOING FOR WALKS: Rules of the road: When out for a walk with your master or mistress, never go to the bathroom on your own lawn.
COUCHES: It is perfectly permissible to lie on the new couch after all your humans have gone to bed.
CHASING CATS: When chasing cats, make sure you never---quite---catch them. It spoils all the fun.
CHEWING: Make a contribution to the fashion industry…eat a shoe.
And the most important rule:
HOUSEBREAKING: Housebreaking is very important to humans, so break as much of the house as possible.
I tell ya, my dog is lazy. He don’t chase cars. He sits on the curb and takes down license plate numbers.—Rodney Dangerfield
My dog was my soul mate; we both took naps, we both skipped lunch, we both hated the vacuum…—Elayne Boosler
What do you get when you cross a Rottweiler and a collie?
A dog who bites you, and then goes for help!!
Show your humans that you love them:
There actually is a use for cats:
Ever wonder what life would be like if men were dogs?
All dogs enjoy spending time with a friend:
This is a greyhound.
He is very fast.
This is also a greyhound
He is not very fast any more.
Maybe he should have fasted!!
Can you picture this logo on a bus?
Sometimes toilet training can be very difficult
& possibly even dangerous:
Some dogs are finicky eaters:
But some will never stop trying to get to the buffet:
But remember, you can get away with anything
as long as you're adorable:
Family portraits are very important to your humans:
According to a new poll, one third of Americans believe animals deserve the same rights as people. The other two thirds have cats----Seth Meyers (& fishducky)