Follow

Monday, October 5, 2015

SHOES FOR YOUSE or A FEAT FOR YOUR FEET!!






(Another week of stuff from my book, "Fishducky's Fables".)

Once upon a time there was an excellent shoemaker, whose name was James.  He was honest and he worked very hard, but the economy was bad and he couldn’t earn enough to support his family.  All he had in the world was gone, except enough leather to make one pair of shoes.

He cut the leather into pieces so it would be ready to be made into a lovely pair of shoes the next day.  He kissed his wife and children goodnight, said his prayers and went to bed.  He woke up early the next morning and, after breakfast, went into his workshop.  He couldn’t believe his eyes.  The shoes were already done and they were sitting on his workbench!  He examined them closely and there was not one misplaced stitch.  They were expertly made.

That same day a customer came in after lunch.  James complimented her on her lovely figure, which she said was due to adhering strictly to her diet.  She said she never ate anything but fruit for lunch and her lunch that day had consisted of twelve olives, three in each of her four martinis.  She tried on the shoes, which fit her perfectly and she fell in love with them.  She bought them, looked through his catalogue and ordered six more pairs.  She insisted in paying even more for them than what James was asking.  She told him her husband was very wealthy and that he wanted her to dress beautifully, because she was a trophy wife.  She knew all of her snooty friends would want some of James’s wonderful shoes for themselves.  She whipped out her American Express card, paid him for the shoes and left a generous deposit for the others.

With the money, he bought enough leather to make the six more pairs she ordered.  He went to McDonald’s, picked up a quick burger and fries at the drive-thru, and went home to cut the leather.  He then watched a little TV and went to bed early because he had a lot of work to do the next day.  Again, in the morning, the shoes were done!  “This is great!” he thought, “All I have to do is cut the leather and the shoes make themselves.”  He wondered if the leather would cut itself, too.  It apparently did, for when he left out the material at night, new shoes would be on his workbench in the morning.  He had a BOGO sale and hung a sign saying, “Buy a shoe for the right foot and get the left one free!”  His business grew and he became wealthy again.

One evening, he and his wife were watching their brand new flat screen HDTV, when he said to her, “Why don’t we stay up late tonight?  Maybe we can find out who or what’s been making all my shoes.”  She agreed and they hid behind the drapes and waited.  At the stroke of midnight, three little elves came in and started working on the shoes.  They were completely naked except for their flip flops and even though they were shivering, they made the shoes.  When the sun’s first rays appeared, they left.

Over breakfast, James’s wife said to her husband, “Those little elves have made us rich and I think we ought to do something to thank them.  They looked so cold last night--I think we should buy them some warm clothes.  I’ll go to the Men’s Wearhouse and pick up some things for them and you can make them some proper shoes.”  He thought that was a good idea.

She bought jeans, tee shirts and some hoodies for the elves.  She didn’t know whether elves preferred tighty whities or boxers, so she bought both.  Her husband made them some little fur lined boots, but she didn’t like them.  When she saw them she said, “Those are so ugly they ought to be called ‘Uggs’ instead of boots.”  He agreed with her, but told her that he didn’t have time to make any others and they put everything on the workbench and hid

At midnight, in came the elves.  They were delighted to see their new clothes and immediately put them on.  (They liked the way they looked, which is what Men’s Wearhouse had guaranteed.)  To the surprise of James and his wife, they were especially pleased with the “Uggs”, which they found extremely comfortable because elves do not like hard soled shoes.  The elves laughed and sang and were very happy.  The couple came out of hiding and the husband said, “My name is James and this is to thank you for being so good to us.  I’d like to offer you a business proposition.  I would be happy to design and market the shoes if you would be in charge of manufacturing them.  We would share the profits evenly.”

The elves quickly agreed and all that was left to do was to come up with a name for their new business.  James suggested they use a combination of their names, like Neiman Marcus or Anheuser Busch, but he was told that elves don’t have names.  Just then one of the elves sneezed and an idea came to James.  He suggested they call the company “Ah-choo James”, but that sounded funny and formal all at the same time.
   
They thought about it and finally changed it just a little.  And that’s how the very successful shoe company “Jimmy Choo” was born.

My son Matt sent me this picture of "duck" shoes.
The heel is the bill & the toe, the tail.
Ask for the mallard style:














Don't judge anyone until you've walked a mile in their shoes; by then you'll be a mile away & they won't have any shoes----a lot of people (including fishducky)

 



16 comments:

  1. Jilda would forego food for shoes:)
    Fun fable.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My feet must be live wild & free, unlike many women!!

      Delete
  2. Fran, I'm a shoe nut! Loved the little old lady and the mobile shoe.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Like Rick's wife Jilda? I know there's a lot of you out there!!

      Delete
  3. What an imagination you have!
    My favorite cartoon was--they only shuffle. LOL! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What imagination? Every word was true!!

      Delete
  4. Now I gotta change my pants.
    They're all wet.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I don't get the fascination with shoes, but you really should own a pair of those duck shoes.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. They would have to be for display only!!

      Delete
  6. Loved your today's twist on the fable.
    I may need that sign about pants first. I usually get caught once a year as the weather takes us from shorts to jeans.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We ALL need a little reminder sometime!!

      Delete
  7. Dear Fran, I've so missed your humor! You made me laugh out loud today with this line: "She said she never ate anything but fruit for lunch and her lunch that day had consisted of twelve olives, three in each of her four martinis." I so enjoyed your fractured fable.I'd read it before of course when I ordered your book, but I'd forgotten just what a sense of the ridiculous you have! You're so witty, something I've always aspired to. It's good to be back visiting you. Peace.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No funny comment from me--I'm just SO glad to have you back!!

      Delete
  8. Who knew there were so many funny cartoons about shoes! Thanks for the laughs.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Always glad to give you a good guffaw!!

      Delete

Your comments make my day, which shows you how boring my life has become.