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Tuesday, November 10, 2015

RANDOM RHYMES REGARDING RELIGION


If you're a follower of Islam, just put down that ham
And Allah also said, "No challah!!"
If you're Satanic, don't panic.
Baha'i?  Oh, my!!
Jews who are Orthodox love their lox,
While those who are Reform try to conform.
Do Children of God eat cod?
You're Catholic?  Then take your pick.
All Episcopalians are mammalian.
Do you know a Scientologist who's a gynecologist?
An Agnostic can be caustic
But an Atheist on no God will insist.
A Mormon can be a doorman
And a Quaker, a baker
But a Jehovah's Witness proselytes religious fitness.
On doctors, Christian Science puts no reliance.
Is a Lutheran interested in things uterine?
I've never met a Buddhist nudist.
The Unification Church might leave you in the lurch
And for Branch Davidians & Heaven's Gate, it's already too late.
A Baptist might be quite an actress
And a Sikh may be found in a clique,
But Shinto longs for status quo.
If you're a practicing Amish, your lifestyle won't be lavish.
A follower of Confucianism won't often have an aneurysm.
You'll seldom find a Hindu living in an igloo
Or someone who's into Wicca making a hadj to Mecca.
A person into Voodoo could cause a major boo-boo
And when have you seen a Unitarian with hair like a Rastafarian?

If the "One true God" is found in this rhyme,
Are all the others just wasting their time?


I think Snoopy says it best:

The two thousand member church was filled to overflowing capacity one Sunday morning. The preacher was ready to start the sermon when two men, dressed in long black coats and black hats entered through the rear of the church. 

One of the two men walked to the middle of the church while the other stayed at the back of the church. They both then reached under their coats and withdrew automatic weapons. 

The one in the middle announced, "Everyone willing to take a bullet for God stay in your seats!" 

Naturally, the pews emptied, followed by the choir. The deacons ran out the door, followed by the choir director and the assistant pastor. 

After a few moments, there were about twenty people left sitting in the church. The preacher was holding steady in the pulpit. 

The men put their weapons away and said, gently, to the preacher, "All right, pastor, the hypocrites are gone now. You may begin the service."



And lots of cartoons:

















Father, forgive me for I have written this post----fishducky 

 







14 comments:

  1. On that basis I suspect there are a lot of hypocrites. Everywhere. And I am one of them.

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    Replies
    1. Welcome to the club--I'm glad you could attend the meeting!!

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  2. Free from the Atkins Diet- I'll vote for that!

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    Replies
    1. I'm a big meat eater--but I also enjoy bread & potatoes!!

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  3. I'm pretty sure God doesn't want me to sit around like a lox and get shot by some fanatical douche-bag just to prove I'm not a hypocrite.

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    Replies
    1. Next time we talk I'll ask Him what He wants you to do--I'll get back to you on that!!

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  4. Separation of Church and Steak...love it!

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  5. I was afraid I'd be left out, but I wasn't. Thank you for the Lutheran reference.

    Love,
    Janie

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  6. I'm on a cat binge lately (all my sons love cats and I have a dog...go figure). The "I am God" cats pretty well sums it up for me, ha ha).

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    Replies
    1. I always thought men preferred dogs!!

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  7. I'm rolling around laughing here; the bible belt, the church mice, Moses leading his people to the dessert. Thank you so much.

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Your comments make my day, which shows you how boring my life has become.