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Thursday, December 31, 2015

WE’LL MEET YOU AT THE AIRPORT






(I posted this the last three New Year's--I'm making it my standard New Year's post, but all the cartoons are new!!)


Want to come with us on the trip of a lifetime?  You have tomorrow off, don’t you?  Pack your (virtual) bags & join us on our travels through the Orient.  We took this trip in 1980.  We went with our friends, Joe & Helen.  Joe, like Joe E. Lewis, had been rich & he had been poor. (As Joe E. Lewis said, “Rich is better!”)  When our Joe was rich he traveled strictly first class, so on this trip, we did, too!!

The trip started with a JAL (Japanese Air Lines) flight from Los Angeles to Tokyo.  Maybe.  My husband claims it was Singapore Air Lines.  I can’t remember, but he’s usually right.  It was an overnight flight, so after a wonderful dinner—a roast carved right in front of you—we watched a movie & then were shown to our bedrooms.  YES, I said bedrooms!  It was the only time we ever had real beds & not reclining seats on a plane.  

At the hotel, we opted to take Japanese style rooms.  We slept on futons on the floor.  I had a marvelous night’s sleep & woke up refreshed & raring to go.  I swung my legs over the side of the bed (forgetting I was on a futon), put my feet on the floor & found my knees right next to my head!!  We took a cab tour/shopping trip through the city.  The cherry blossoms were in bloom.  Beautiful!!  I don’t know if they still do it, but the cabs drove with their lights on.  When they were stopped at a red light they turned them off.


           
From Tokyo we flew to Singapore, where we stayed at a suite at the Holiday Inn.  Not first class, you say?  WRONG!  This suite came with a personal butler.  How lovely it was to spend the day shopping (Helen & I took a local bus.  We figured it would be fun even if we got lost, which we didn’t.) & then come back to our suite, take off our shoes & have the butler take our packages & pour us a glass of wine.  

Joe & Bud stayed in the room one day playing gin rummy while we shopped.  There were prostitutes available & Joe wanted to hire a couple of them.  Not for sex—he thought it would be funny to have them sitting there naked, watching our two guys playing cards, when we got back.  Good thing he didn’t—I’m not sure how funny Helen or I would have thought it was.  

Below is a picture of apartments flying the “Singapore National Flag”.  That’s right—it’s laundry drying!  Look at how spotless the streets are.  Also, here’s a picture of a small shrine on a street in Singapore.

                 



                                                       












We took the ferry to Hong Kong.  I think it cost less than 25 cents per person, American money.  Hong Kong was a shopper’s paradise.  In one of the MANY jewelry stores, I fell in love with a delicate gold & jade bracelet.  I can’t remember what they were asking for it, but it was probably around $1,000—way out of our price range.  They expected you to bargain in these stores, but I am not a bargainer.  Bud is.  After lengthy negotiations, he told them he would pay no more than $400.  They countered with $410.  He told them $400 was his final offer.  They asked if he was going to let a mere $10 keep his wife from having this bracelet that she so obviously loved.  He said “Yes” & we walked out of the store.  They cane running after us.  Bud won—or I guess I did—I got my $400 bracelet!   

At that time, Hong Kong had a couple of department stores run by the communist government.  Their prices were unbelievable.  There was no bargaining, nor was any necessary.  Bud got a few silk neckties & I bought a pair of 100% silk slacks & 2 embroidered “pictures”—all for around $1 each!  

'We also took a bus tour of part of China—a difficult thing to do at the time because of politics.  I remember visiting a kindergarten (the children were adorable) & being served warm beer.  Below is a picture of busy Hong Kong harbor.


Our next stop was Manila, where we stayed in the Douglas MacArthur suite of our hotel.  I’m not used to the life of a plantation slave owner, so I was uncomfortable with the fact that we had a houseboy who slept on the kitchen floor.  Manila seemed to have only the very rich or the very poor—no middle class.  If you were poor, you lived on the street (literally) & begged.  If you were rich, your world was filled with beautiful places that Ferdinand & Imelda Marcos had built.  We found it depressing.

From there we went to Thailand.  There were many signs in the airport warning travelers to watch out for pickpockets & con men.  (We got a call at the hotel from a man who identified himself as our driver & told us our car was ready.  That would have been fine, except we hadn’t yet ordered a car!!) 

We had dinner in the penthouse restaurant of our hotel.  The maĆ®tre d’ seated us & handed each of us a menu.  He returned in a couple of minutes & very apologetically took my menu & Helen’s & gave us new ones.  We couldn’t understand why until Joe explained it.  We had originally been given “host” menus—with prices—instead of “guest” menus—with no prices.  Neither Helen nor I had noticed there were prices on ours!!  

Thailand was fascinating.  We saw Buddhist monks with their shaved heads & colorful robes.  We saw the palace of the king of Siam.  It was being renovated & was covered in scaffolding & it was still the most beautiful building I’d ever seen.  The outer walls were covered by thousands of tiny mosaics.  We rode a bus (motorboat) down one of the many canals & went to an elephant market.  Below are pictures of Bud, me & Helen in front of the palace & Joe looking at a baby elephant being offered for sale at the market.



To see weird New Year's Eve traditions
from around the world, click here.


A reminder from Fozzie Bear not to over-imbibe tonight:


Look what happens when you put noisemakers in the exhaust:
                                       


My New Year's resolutions are:

1. Stop making lists
B. Be more consistent
7. Learn to count
























You’ve had 36 years to pack—aren’t you ready yet?----fishducky

 

Wednesday, December 30, 2015

FOR FEMALE EYES ONLY!! MEN--DO NOT READ UNDER PENALTY OF LAW!!



Ladies--let's keep this our secret!!



(Reprinted from a June, 2013 post with new cartoons.)

I’d like to tell you about an organization my friends & I founded a number of years ago.  There are no meetings & no dues.  No rules except that you must tell at least one woman friend about it & swear that you will never tell a man.

Reading ahead means that you agree to the terms of membership.

The organization is called “WHAM”.  That’s an acronym for WHY HUSBANDS ARE MURDERED, although in this day & age it could also mean significant other instead of husband.  Our purpose is to save women the trouble of constantly complaining about the things their husbands do—usually caused by testosterone poisoning.  In my time it meant things like, “I went to the market like you asked.  So, big deal I forgot milk, bread & eggs.  You didn’t really need them, did you?” or “I DID tell you that I accepted that invitation to that formal affair tomorrow, didn’t I?” or my personal favorite, after a day where nothing went right, the kids are screaming & you’re still in your nightgown, him coming home from work & saying, “What do you mean I didn’t tell you that I had invited my boss & his wife for dinner tonight?  Why aren’t you dressed yet?”  God only knows what they are today.

These things are the types that do not constitute grounds for divorce, but we feel that murder would not be an inappropriate reaction.

WHAM members need only to look at another member & say “Wham!!”.  The other member would answer by giving her a thumbs up & repeating “Wham!!”.  This response would mean:

1—I know, honey, I’ve been there.
2—I’m so sorry.
3—What can you do?  They’re men!!
4—I’d kill him if I were you.
5—Any or all of the above.

Congratulations on your new membership!!


fishducky
President, WHAM

PS—The inspiration for the formation of WHAM came from a line in the play, “The Fourposter”.  After 50 years of marriage the wife is asked if she had ever thought of divorce.  Her answer: “Divorce? Never.  Murder?  Yes!!”

PPS—Shortly after the forming of WHAM my youngest son was married.  At the time, he & his wife both worked for United Airlines so, of course, there were many airline employees at their reception.  I told all of the female guests about our new organization & they promised to carry the word back to their many parts of the world.  I fully expected to hear some male newscaster say, “Women all across the world are giving each other the thumbs up sign & saying 'Wham!!’ We’ll get back to that when we find out what the reason is.  Right now, no one will say anything.”
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In case you're wondering, I am NOT mad at my husband (at this moment)---fishducky

 


Tuesday, December 29, 2015

THANK YOU, PEOPLE!!


And thank you to the fine folks at BuzzFeed for posting this compendium of goodness which you are about to see.  All of these things happened in 2015.  They claim it wasn't such a bad year after all & I'd have to agree!!








This dad got tickets to see Mexico play soccer for the first time:






Two grandmas showed us how to act on the internet:




This girl surprised her nurse after being paralyzed:

If you must write on bathroom walls, write something nice:


This man helped a stranger tie his tie:


Enjoy this picture of people enjoying themselves:














You're welcome----fishducky