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Wednesday, December 2, 2015

CLASSES FOR MEN & WOMEN (REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED BY THURSDAY, DECEMBER 31, 2015)



NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.


CLASSES FOR MEN:


CHANGING YOUR UNDERWEAR

Moving from weekly to daily--it is possible

 

HOW TO FILL ICE CUBE TRAYS
Step by step guide with slide presentation

TOILET PAPER ROLLS; DO THEY GROW ON THE HOLDERS?
Roundtable discussion

DIFFERENCES BETWEEN LAUNDRY BASKET & FLOOR
Practicing with hamper (Pictures and graphics)

DISHES & SILVERWARE; DO THEY LEVITATE/FLY TO KITCHEN SINK OR DISHWASHER BY THEMSELVES? 
Debate among a panel of experts

LOSS OF VIRILITY: LOSING THE REMOTE CONTROL TO YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER
Help line and support groups


LEARNING HOW TO FIND THINGS: STARTING WITH LOOKING IN THE RIGHT PLACE INSTEAD OF TURNING THE HOUSE UPSIDE DOWN WHILE SCREAMING
Open forum 

EMPTY MILK CARTONS; DO THEY BELONG IN THE FRIDGE OR THE BIN?
Group discussion and role play

HEALTH WATCH; BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTH
PowerPoint presentation

REAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOST
Real life testimonial from the one man who did

IS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT QUIETLY AS SHE PARALLEL PARKS?
Driving simulation

LIVING WITH ADULTS; BASIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR PARTNER
Online class and role playing

HOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANION
Relaxation exercises, meditation and breathing techniques

REMEMBERING IMPORTANT DATES & CALLING WHEN YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE
Bring your calendar or PDA to class

GETTING OVER IT; LEARNING HOW TO LIVE WITH BEING WRONG ALL THE TIME
Individual counselors available 



CLASSES FOR WOMEN:


UP IN WINTER, DOWN IN SUMMER - HOW TO ADJUST A THERMOSTAT
Step by Step, with Slide Presentation


WHICH TAKES MORE ENERGY - PUTTING THE TOILET SEAT DOWN, OR BITCHING ABOUT IT FOR 3 HOURS?
Round Table Discussion


IS IT POSSIBLE TO DRIVE PAST A WAL-MART WITHOUT STOPPING?
Group Debate

FUNDAMENTAL DIFFERENCES BETWEEN A PURSE AND A SUITCASE
Pictures and Explanatory Graphics

CURLING IRONS--CAN THEY LEVITATE AND FLY INTO THE 
BATHROOM CABINET?
Examples on Video
.
HOW TO ASK QUESTIONS DURING COMMERCIALS AND BE QUIET DURING 
THE PROGRAM
Help Line Support and Support Groups

CAN A BATH BE TAKEN WITHOUT 14 DIFFERENT KINDS OF SOAPS AND 
SHAMPOOS?
Open Forum

HEALTH WATCH--THEY MAKE MEDICINE FOR PMS - USE IT!
Public Health Nurses will lead discussion

I WAS WRONG AND HE WAS RIGHT!
Real Life Testimonials

HOW TO PARALLEL PARK IN LESS THAN 20 MINUTES WITHOUT AN INSURANCE CLAIM
Driving Simulations

HOW TO APPLY BRAKES WITHOUT THROWING PASSENGERS THROUGH THE WINDSHIELD
Driving Simulations

HOW TO SHOP BY YOURSELF
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered

THE STOVE/OVEN--WHAT IT IS AND HOW IT IS USED
Live Demonstration



IF THERE IS SUFFICIENT INTEREST, THE FOLLOWING WOMEN'S CLASSES WILL BE OFFERED:


SILENCE, THE FINAL FRONTIER: WHERE NO WOMAN HAS GONE BEFORE
THE UNDISCOVERED SIDE OF BANKING: MAKING DEPOSITS
PARTIES: GOING WITHOUT NEW OUTFITS
MAN MANAGEMENT: MINOR HOUSEHOLD CHORES CAN WAIT TILL AFTER THE GAME
BATHROOM ETIQUETTE I: MEN NEED SPACE IN THE BATHROOM CABINET TOO.
BATHROOM ETIQUETTE II: HIS RAZOR IS HIS
COMMUNICATION SKILLS I: TEARS: THE LAST RESORT, NOT THE FIRST.
COMMUNICATION SKILLS II: THINKING BEFORE SPEAKING
COMMUNICATION SKILLS III: GETTING WHAT YOU WANT WITHOUT NAGGING
DRIVING A CAR SAFELY: A SKILL YOU CAN ACQUIRE
TELEPHONE SKILLS: HOW TO HANG UP
INTRODUCTION TO PARKING
ADVANCED PARKING: BACKING INTO A SPACE
WATER RETENTION: FACT OR FAT
COOKING I: BRINGING BACK BACON, EGGS AND BUTTER
COOKING II: BRAN AND TOFU ARE NOT FOR HUMAN CONSUMPTION
COOKING III: HOW NOT TO INFLICT YOUR DIETS ON OTHER PEOPLE
COMPLIMENTS: ACCEPTING THEM GRACEFULLY
PMS: YOUR PROBLEM . . . NOT HIS
DANCING: WHY MEN DON'T LIKE TO
CLASSIC CLOTHING: WEARING OUTFITS YOU ALREADY HAVE
DUST: A HARMLESS NATURAL OCCURRENCE ONLY WOMEN NOTICE
INTEGRATING YOUR LAUNDRY: WASHING IT ALL TOGETHER
OIL AND GAS: YOUR CAR NEEDS BOTH


UPON COMPLETION OF ANY OF THE ABOVE COURSES, 
DIPLOMAS WILL BE ISSUED TO THE SURVIVORS.





Here are the lyrics to the same song:













My husband’s greatest fear is there is no such thing as PMS and this is really my personality----fishducky


 












19 comments:

  1. My brain has been full for a long time now. Every time I learn something new, it pushes some old knowledge out. And the new facts are slippery beggars and frequently escape...

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    1. Are you familiar with the fishducky theory as to why our memory seems to disappear as we age? If not, don’t worry. I’m going to tell you. What was I talking about? Oh, yes—memory. If you subscribe to the theory, as I do, that the brain is like a computer, then you know that it has a finite number of memory bytes. As we age, gravity pulls these memories down, filling first our feet, then our legs, our bellies & butts (which would also explain why many older people seem to have gained weight in these areas) & finally reach our brains, which eventually become full. Since humans don’t have a DELETE key, there is simply no room for new memories. This is why we people “of a certain age” can remember who sat next to us in the third grade but have no idea of what we ate for lunch yesterday. We are NOT forgetful—WE ARE SIMPLY FULL!!

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  2. It takes genius to put these together. These are a scream.

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  3. I can relate to most of the classes my husband needs to take and I am sure he can relate to a lot that I can use. LOL

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    Replies
    1. I'm sure that you, like me, do NOT need any of these classes--only our husbands do!!

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  4. It's so funny how many little things can irritate us, and can catch our spouses completely unaware.

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    Replies
    1. Are you implying that I MAY, at one time, have done something to irritate Bud? Preposterous!!

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  5. Oh my! Despite almost all this is holy truth ii ir so funny! I actually were at a step from death caused of laughing. Thanks a lot! I'll share with friends, They have to read it.

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  6. MMM (made my morning!)
    Sorry--MMA (made my afternoon-it's 12:45pm)
    ;)

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    Replies
    1. I've never been a morning person--12:45 pm is STILL morning to me!!

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  7. I've been laughing for years at that Mad About You toilet paper demonstration.

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  8. I have two bathrooms: the master bath and the hall bath. The master bath is off my bedroom. Obviously, it is mine. Willy Dunne Wooters and anyone else who visits (occasionally my son drops by) uses the hall bath. I put a toilet paper holder in there that has space in the bottom for extra rolls. As long as I continue to put toilet paper in the bottom, no one will reach for the paper and come up empty handed.

    Love,
    Janie

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    Replies
    1. And what happens if YOU don't continue to put toilet paper in the bottom?

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    2. I won't let anyone in my house.

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  9. I think I already passed all those classes. My son could use the dishes and silverware one. He eats in front of his TV, then walks all the way to the kitchen to make a coffee, but the plates etc stay in the lounge room. I once walked him through the movements, then added on a "new idea". "See this thing here?" I said, "it's called a tap, when you turn the handle, water comes out and you can rinse your plates and cups." He pretended to be thoroughly amazed. But still leaves his plates and cups in the lounge room :( Lucky me, I don't live there.

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    Replies
    1. I'm always amazed when children don't turn out as perfect as their parents!!

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Your comments make my day, which shows you how boring my life has become.