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Friday, January 30, 2015

"GOOD MORNING" IS AN OXYMORON





I have been called many things throughout my life, but a "morning person" has never been one of them.  When my kids were in elementary school I made what I considered the supreme sacrifice & got up to make them their breakfast.  After a while, they apparently got their nerve up & told me they couldn't eat in the morning when I was around.  They asked me to make their lunches before I went to bed & then they would get their own breakfast--& I thought I was being cheerful!!  I always felt school hours should have been from noon until 6:00 pm--then I might have been able to function.

Sunsets can be wonderful, but the only sunrises I ever really enjoyed were those I watched before going to bed.  One year the kids gave me this sticker to put on my bedroom mirror--they said it looked just like me.  It's still there!!


One of the most frustrating things about getting old is now that the kids are all in their own homes & I don't have a job I have to go to is now I can sleep as late as I want & I wake up about 6:00 or 7:00 am & I often fall asleep during the day.  I can't find a video of it, but I loved the Carole Burnett Show, especially where Tim Conway played a little old man.  In one skit, he kept dozing off & when he woke up he asked, "Did I miss September?  I love September!!"  I can identify.
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This is from Joe at Cranky Old Man:

I don’t mind all cheerful people in the morning; it is strangers who are the tinfoil on my fillings.  I used to walk to the train in the morning still half awake and not grumpy, but not in an “on top of the world” kinda mood either.  Coming the other way is a power walking lady pumping those 1 ½ pound hand weight things and with a big smile hits me out of the blue with a cheery “Good Morning!”

I may nod back or even grumble a “yeah” back, and that is when I get the return comment that will ruin the next hour and a half of my day.

“Smile, cheer up, it can’t be that bad!”

Well, maybe it is!  Maybe my wife just left me…again.  Maybe I just lost my job, maybe I have a splitting headache, maybe I hate going to work or maybe I just don’t need my morning routine interrupted by some cheery powerwalking lady who has not a care in the world telling me what kind of a mood to be in!  I will cheer the frig up if and when I want to cheer up and I will smile if and when I want to smile, so just pump those sissy-ass weights, shut the hell up, and keep walking. BITCH!
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Somebody has said there are only two kinds of people in the world. 

There are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good morning, Lord," 

And there are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good Lord, it's morning."

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Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning & was always late for work. His boss threatened to fire him if he didn't do something about it, so Tom went to his doctor who gave him a pill & told him to take it before he went to bed.

Tom slept well & in fact beat the alarm in the morning.  He had a leisurely breakfast & drove cheerfully to work.  "Boss," he said, "The pill actually worked!"

"That's all fine," said his boss, "But where were you yesterday?"
evilox.com
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"Some days I wake up bitchy--other days I just let her sleep."
My husband, Bud
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AND NOW A BONUS POEM (which I didn’t write):

GOOD MORNING POEM
                     

 








I woke early one morning,
The earth lay cool and still
When suddenly a tiny bird
Perched on my window sill.

It sang a song so lovely
So carefree and so gay,
That slowly all my troubles
Began to slip away.

 It sang of far off places
Of laughter and of fun.
It seemed its very trilling
Brought up the morning sun.

I stirred beneath the covers,
Crept slowly out of bed,
Then gently shut the window
And crushed its f***ing head.

I'm not a morning person!



I had a little trouble waking up this morning.
Bud claims I was snoring:
Click here.



















Even Irving Berlin agreed with me:

There should be a better way to start each day instead of waking up every morning----fishducky