It's fairy tale week again (from my book, "Fishducky's Fables")!!
The true story of Sleeping Beauty:
The true story of Sleeping Beauty:
In a faraway land, long ago, lived a king, Billy
Bob, and his fair queen, Lolita. For
many years they had longed for a child and finally their wish was granted. A daughter was born, and they called her
Gertrude, because, for whatever reason, they liked the name. They proclaimed a great holiday throughout
the kingdom so that all might pay homage to the infant princess.
Among King Billy Bob and Queen Lolita’s guests
were their friends, King Hubert and Queen Agatha, from the kingdom next
door. The four wanted to unite their
kingdoms by the future marriage of their children, Princess Gertrude and Prince
Charming. They also received three good
fairies as their guests; Larry, Moe and Curly. They had promised to give one gift each to the
newborn princess. Larry gave her beauty,
Moe gave her the gift of song and Curly was about to throw a cream pie in her
face when an evil demon appeared. He was
very angry because he had not received an invitation and he said, “The princess
shall indeed grow in grace and beauty, beloved by all who know her. But before the sun sets on her sixteenth
birthday, she shall prick her finger on a pair of manicure scissors and die.”
Everybody was aghast, but the third fairy had not
yet given her a gift, so he 86’ed the cream pie thing and tried to ease, as
much as he could, the curse of the demon.
The princess would sleep instead of dying, and the curse would be broken
with the first true love’s kiss to the princess. King Billy Bob, for extra insurance, decreed
that every pair of scissors or knife
of any kind in the kingdom shall be destroyed.
And so it happened.
Nevertheless, the
three good fairies feared that the decree would not stop the demon from accomplishing his revenge, and so they offered to raise Gertie in their condo in the
suburbs until the age of sixteen, when the curse would be over. At that time, they would take her back to the
castle to be reunited with her parents.
The king and the queen accepted this plan, but they were heartbroken. Many sad years and ragged
cuticles passed for King Billy Bob and his people. Hair grew so long that people had difficulty
seeing. (The people who manufactured Scrunchies,
however, were delighted with this royal order.)
Bushes and formerly beautifully manicured lawns began to take on a
jungle-like appearance. But as the time
for the princess' sixteenth birthday drew near, the entire kingdom began to rejoice.
Everyone knew that as long as the demon’s domain thundered with his wrath and frustration, his evil
prophecy had not yet been fulfilled.
Gertie grew up
without knowing that she was the daughter of a king and a queen, but she was
very happy with the life that the fairies had given her. One day, the fairies were planning a party
for the princess because her sixteenth birthday was approaching, and Gertie was picking some berries in a field. It was there that she met a young man. Even though they could not see each other
because of the long hair hanging over their faces, they fell in love
immediately. They agreed to meet at
her cottage later and she
came back home. When she arrived at the cottage, she told the
fairies about the young man she had just met, and they told her the story of
her birth and the curse, as well as her future marriage to Prince Charming, which
made her cry because she didn’t want to get married to someone she did not
love.
That afternoon, Prince
Charming announced to his father that he had decided to get married to a
peasant girl he had just met instead of Princess Gertrude. He
didn’t know that they were the same person!
Just before sunset,
Gertie arrived at the castle for the party and when she was alone in her new
bedroom, she went to touch up her lipstick.
The demon had magically placed a pair of manicure scissors in her
cosmetics bag and, due to her reduced eyesight (all that hair over her face),
she accidentally touched the tip and nighty-night!
The three fairies
placed her on a bed in the tower and caused the whole kingdom to sleep until
the spell was broken because they didn’t want the king and queen to find out
that their daughter had fallen under the curse of the demon. The fairies got Prince Charming, told him
what was happening and brought him inside the castle and up to the tower, where
Gertie was lying on her
bed, snoring loudly. Charming slowly
walked up to her and gave her a faint kiss where he assumed her lips
were. She woke up, pulled her hair
out of her face, saw Charming and smiled.
She said, “Would you mind hitting the snooze button on the alarm? I just need ten more minutes!”
Everyone in the
kingdom awakened, too, and soon Princess Gertrude and Prince Charming appeared
arm in arm, walking down the stairs. Now
that there was no longer a need for a ban on scissors in the kingdom, Supercuts
opened several franchises there and made a fortune. Everyone in the kingdom contributed to a fund
to buy a lifetime supply of Breathe Right Nasal Strips for Princess Gertrude so
that she and Prince Charming could live happily ever after, which, of course,
they did.
If you were the last
person on earth, would you rate yourself as interesting & entertaining,
boring or just average?----fishducky
