Tuesday, February 17, 2015


It's fairy tale week again (from my book, "Fishducky's Fables")!!

The true story of Sleeping Beauty:

In a faraway land, long ago, lived a king, Billy Bob, and his fair queen, Lolita.  For many years they had longed for a child and finally their wish was granted.  A daughter was born, and they called her Gertrude, because, for whatever reason, they liked the name.  They proclaimed a great holiday throughout the kingdom so that all might pay homage to the infant princess.

Among King Billy Bob and Queen Lolita’s guests were their friends, King Hubert and Queen Agatha, from the kingdom next door.  The four wanted to unite their kingdoms by the future marriage of their children, Princess Gertrude and Prince Charming.  They also received three good fairies as their guests; Larry, Moe and Curly.  They had promised to give one gift each to the newborn princess.  Larry gave her beauty, Moe gave her the gift of song and Curly was about to throw a cream pie in her face when an evil demon appeared.  He was very angry because he had not received an invitation and he said, “The princess shall indeed grow in grace and beauty, beloved by all who know her.  But before the sun sets on her sixteenth birthday, she shall prick her finger on a pair of manicure scissors and die.”

Everybody was aghast, but the third fairy had not yet given her a gift, so he 86’ed the cream pie thing and tried to ease, as much as he could, the curse of the demon.  The princess would sleep instead of dying, and the curse would be broken with the first true love’s kiss to the princess.  King Billy Bob, for extra insurance, decreed that every pair of scissors or knife of any kind in the kingdom shall be destroyed.  And so it happened.

Nevertheless, the three good fairies feared that the decree would not stop the demon from accomplishing his revenge, and so they offered to raise Gertie in their condo in the suburbs until the age of sixteen, when the curse would be over.  At that time, they would take her back to the castle to be reunited with her parents.  The king and the queen accepted this plan, but they were heartbroken.  Many sad years and ragged cuticles passed for King Billy Bob and his people.  Hair grew so long that people had difficulty seeing.  (The people who manufactured Scrunchies, however, were delighted with this royal order.)  Bushes and formerly beautifully manicured lawns began to take on a jungle-like appearance.  But as the time for the princess' sixteenth birthday drew near, the entire kingdom began to rejoice.  Everyone knew that as long as the demon’s domain thundered with his wrath and frustration, his evil prophecy had not yet been fulfilled.

Gertie grew up without knowing that she was the daughter of a king and a queen, but she was very happy with the life that the fairies had given her.  One day, the fairies were planning a party for the princess because her sixteenth birthday was approaching, and Gertie was picking some berries in a field.  It was there that she met a young man.  Even though they could not see each other because of the long hair hanging over their faces, they fell in love immediately.  They agreed to meet at her cottage later and she came back home.    When she arrived at the cottage, she told the fairies about the young man she had just met, and they told her the story of her birth and the curse, as well as her future marriage to Prince Charming, which made her cry because she didn’t want to get married to someone she did not love.

That afternoon, Prince Charming announced to his father that he had decided to get married to a peasant girl he had just met instead of Princess Gertrude.  He didn’t know that they were the same person!

Just before sunset, Gertie arrived at the castle for the party and when she was alone in her new bedroom, she went to touch up her lipstick.  The demon had magically placed a pair of manicure scissors in her cosmetics bag and, due to her reduced eyesight (all that hair over her face), she accidentally touched the tip and nighty-night!

The three fairies placed her on a bed in the tower and caused the whole kingdom to sleep until the spell was broken because they didn’t want the king and queen to find out that their daughter had fallen under the curse of the demon.  The fairies got Prince Charming, told him what was happening and brought him inside the castle and up to the tower, where Gertie was lying on her bed, snoring loudly.  Charming slowly walked up to her and gave her a faint kiss where he assumed her lips were.  She woke up, pulled her hair out of her face, saw Charming and smiled.  She said, “Would you mind hitting the snooze button on the alarm?  I just need ten more minutes!”

Everyone in the kingdom awakened, too, and soon Princess Gertrude and Prince Charming appeared arm in arm, walking down the stairs.  Now that there was no longer a need for a ban on scissors in the kingdom, Supercuts opened several franchises there and made a fortune.  Everyone in the kingdom contributed to a fund to buy a lifetime supply of Breathe Right Nasal Strips for Princess Gertrude so that she and Prince Charming could live happily ever after, which, of course, they did.

If you were the last person on earth, would you rate yourself as interesting & entertaining, boring or just average?----fishducky