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Wednesday, February 25, 2015

IF I HAD ONLY KNOWN...



Who knew?


(A reworked post from October 2012)

IF I HAD ONLY KNOWN…
            
…I probably wouldn’t have gone to Chippendale’s years ago with a group of my friends.  I knew they had male strippers—that’s not what bothered me.  It’s just that I felt so old.  One of the acts was the Unknown Stripper.  He danced with a paper bag over his head but I would have known him anywhere.  I used to babysit him when he was little.
Upper row, third from left, is NOT me :(


…how good (not!) the service was at H. Salt Fish & Chips, I don’t think I would have gone there with my kids.  I had just finished a diet & was craving fried food.  I love fish & chips, so off we went.  The kids got theirs & were happily chomping down while I waited for my order.  They had apparently thought I’d ordered one piece of hot fish & one cold.  I hadn’t.  I took my plate back to the counter & asked for another piece of hot fish.  I was told they couldn’t take back the cold fish because I had already tasted it.  I asked them how I was supposed to know it was cold if I didn’t taste it.  This went back & forth until I asked to see the manager.  They said was on his way in, so I waited 20 minutes, getting more pissed off every second.  He heard my story & told the cashier to give me my money back.  As I was walking out the door the cashier asked, in a very “smartassy” voice, if I was satisfied now.  I told her no, that I hadn’t gotten the tax.  She threw it at me & said, “Don’t come back!”  (I wrote a letter of complaint to KFC, which was their parent company. They sent me an apology & coupons for free fried chicken.)

…there’s no way I would have told my young granddaughters to look at the beautiful full moon while riding in my daughter’s car.  My daughter (the perfectionist) said, “It’s not a full moon.  It’s only 27/28ths.”  I told her it was full enough for me!

…I’m sure I wouldn’t have made swiss steak when I did for my husband & his friends.  He was in the Army at the time & the day before I had a wisdom tooth removed on the post.  My mouth didn’t hurt at all & I was able to chew my food without pain.  The problem was that I could only open my mouth far enough to insert very thin food.  Swiss steak has to be a minimum thickness to cook properly, & it wasn’t thin enough to put into my mouth.  They told me it was delicious.

…I would have brought a camera to Lawry’s when Bud took the kids & me there to celebrate my birthday.  The kids had ordered me a cake, shaped like this, of course, & had “Happy Birthday” written on the top.
 
This was before cameras in cellphones—actually before cellphones, themselves.  An Asian gentleman who was sitting at the next table--with a camera hanging around his neck--jumped up & said, (& I quote PRECISELY) “Maybe I help?  I am Japanese tourist!”  He took a picture, got my name & address & promised to send it to me. Unfortunately, I never got it. 














If I had only known that I would live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself----fishducky